Sometimes, you can’t even tell the difference between being in a healthy relationship and a toxic one. As if your love for this person has blinded you.
The only things you’re determined to see are their good sides and positive traits that don’t really exist. You created them in your head in order to cover up all of their flaws and toxicity they’re inflicting on you.
You’re well aware that your mind would make you walk away from your manipulative partner if only you allowed it to realize what you’re going through.
And that’s why you filled all the gaps with excuses and false explanations that your boyfriend is trying his best and that he’s doing all of the things he does only because he loves you.
His love for you is an excuse for his bad behavior.
Maybe you think that you’re doing yourself a favor. Maybe you think that giving him chance after chance will actually make him change.
He’ll realize how much you love him. He’ll see all of the efforts you’re putting into this relationship and want to do the same for you.
But I need to burst your bubble. I’m here to let you know that your toxic half has no intention of changing. He’s happy just the way he is as his whole power lies in the fact that he’s succeeded in controlling you.
Now, I need to do something that will help me sleep easier. I want to open your eyes and show you the difference between what you’ve got in this broken relationship and what you could have in a healthy one.
Hopefully, you’ll realize that you deserve so much more than giving your best and getting nothing in return. Nothing other than putting you down, calling you names, and trying to destroy your confidence. Because that’s what your toxic partner has been doing this whole time.
Scenario 1
Your friends invited you out for a drink. You haven’t seen them in a while and you really want to go.
In fact, you already got dressed up because you can’t wait to see them.
Going out with your friends sounds completely normal and you’d assume that your boyfriend would never need to say anything against that.
If you were in a healthy relationship, your partner would support you. He would never even think about criticizing you for spending a night with your buddies.
“Have a great night out tonight. Just please let me know when you’re home safe. Have fun!”
Those words sound much like something you would hear in a healthy relationship.
But if you’re stuck with a toxic partner, then you can hear this only in your dreams. Instead of being supportive, your boyfriend will probably act all sketchy about you going out.
He’ll start questioning your motives, accuse you of things you didn’t do, and do whatever he can to make you feel guilty for going out.
“I’m not really sure that I trust you going out all alone. Who’s going with you? Are there going to be any guys? You’re probably insisting on going out because of that guy Mark. And when are you coming back home? You know that I don’t like it when you stay out late!”
A toxic partner will shower you with something similar to this.
He’ll play the blame game with the intention of making you cancel your plans. He wants you to feel guilty as that gives him more power over you.
Scenario 2
You’re sitting in your living room, acting like a healthy couple, binge-watching this new TV show.
Suddenly, your phone beeps. You take a look at it, see that it’s a text message from your mom, and leave your phone, deciding to text her later, once this episode is over.
In a healthy relationship, your partner wouldn’t even bother to ask who texted you. He would probably be too deep into this nerve-racking scene that he wouldn’t even notice that you got a message.
But things will look a bit different in a toxic relationship.
Right after you put down your phone, your partner hits pause and starts bombarding you with questions.
“Who texted you? Your mom never texts you this late! Let me see your phone! If you don’t have anything to hide, you’d let me see the message!”
He accuses and attacks you off the bat, with the wish to gain control over you.
Even when you prove him wrong, he’ll still go and defend his actions, saying that he can’t trust you since he’s sure that one of your friends is hitting on you.
He’ll find a reason to explain his actions and you’ll probably fall for it as you don’t want to admit to yourself that your boyfriend is toxic.
You’d rather try to find an excuse that justifies his behavior because that sounds way easier to deal with.
Scenario 3
Your feelings got hurt by something your partner did or said to you. Maybe he was rude to you in front of his friends or he called you names because you didn’t wake him up for work even though you had a day off.
This has upset you, so you decide to let him know how you feel.
So, you sit down with him to talk because you don’t want this to keep happening in the future. And you’re well aware that if you ignore his behavior, he might keep doing it regularly.
When you’re in a healthy relationship and you let your boyfriend know how he made you feel with his actions or words, he apologizes to you. He lets you know that he’s sorry for making you feel that way.
And he also makes sure to never repeat the things that made you feel hurt in the first place.
But when your partner is toxic, you get none of that. Instead of an apology and validation of your feelings, he treats you like you don’t have any right to feel the way you do.
“You’re so oversensitive! You always overreact. It was just a joke and now you’re crying because of it. Oh my God, you’re acting like a child.”
Instead of acceptance and an apology, you get blamed for your emotions. You get a full-blown attack on your feelings as if you have no right to express them.
And no matter how hard you try to explain to him what made you feel so hurt, he simply ignores you and walks out of the room.
Just like that, you’re left all alone because you know that he won’t be coming back until you reach out to him.
And maybe, just maybe, you’ll finally realize the dirty game that’s been playing in front of your eyes. Maybe this time, you won’t stay blind to his bad treatment.
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