Needy, high-maintenance, clingy – those are all adjectives that we run away from. You beg of God that someone won’t use them to describe you because there are so many negative connotations to them.
The moment you let your partner know what your expectations are in the relationship, you end up being called needy. Whenever you know what you want, you get to be labeled high-maintenance.
So you’re now scared of these words as if they are weapons aimed straight at your heart.
So, you back down and hide every possible behavioral pattern that could be seen as needy. You don’t want to scare a guy away, right? And if you show him your true self, you could end up doing that.
But we have to stop with the belief that certain behaviors are needy when in reality, they are perfectly normal. If you do any of the following things, don’t let others convince you that you’re being anything more than reasonable.
Instead, show them that what you expect from your partner is absolutely fine and there’s nothing wrong with it.
1. Knowing what you’re looking for
When you meet a guy and you start dating, it’s totally normal for you to let him know what you expect in a relationship. Are you out for a fling, is he your rebound, or are you looking for a serious relationship?
Knowing what you want doesn’t make you needy in any way. If anything, it only saves you time if the guy you’re dating isn’t looking for the same as you.
If he doesn’t want a serious relationship and that’s explicitly what you’re asking for, then stating what you want helps you figure out what your next step should be.
When your visions for the future don’t match, it’s better to know that at the outset.
That way, it’s much easier to move on and keep looking for the things you want.
2. Asking for compromise
You haven’t seen your partner in a while and even though he usually spends Fridays with his buddies, you ask him to make a compromise and change his plans this one time.
Since you haven’t been hanging out a lot, this is perfectly fine as it allows you to strengthen the bond between the two of you.
If you miss him for obvious reasons (aka you haven’t seen each other in a month) there’s nothing wrong with changing up your usual routine and making a compromise.
Maybe this week he can spend some more time with you and the next one his friends.
This type of request isn’t needy. It’s perfectly normal for couples who are in healthy relationships to make reasonable compromises such as this.
But if you ask him to not go out with his friends at all because you don’t like them, I must say that’s not the way to go. In that case, you’re blackmailing him to leave people he cares about if he truly loves you.
And that’s more of an ultimatum than compromise.
3. Sharing your feelings
If the relationship is making you unhappy and there are some things you’d like to see changed, then your partner should know about them. He should know how you’re feeling and what he can do to make things better.
Sharing your feelings doesn’t make you needy. Letting him know about your needs has nothing to do with being clingy.
If you’re in a healthy relationship, you should feel free to express your feelings. You shouldn’t try to hide your emotions because you’re afraid that you’ll be seen as needy.
Instead, you should openly let your partner know about everything that’s bugging you and look for a solution together. Like a couple.
4. Texting first
Those rules that women who text first are needy should be erased from the dating book. And the person who made these guidelines should realize that texting first doesn’t have anything to do with neediness.
It’s completely normal for a woman to text her partner to see how their day is going. To send a message to see if everything’s okay since she hasn’t heard from them in a while.
No one should be put down for this simple act.
Of course, there’s always an exception. If you text a guy first and then bombard him with 20 messages afterward, your behavior is clearly needy. In that case, you probably want to know his every step.
But in all of the other cases, texting first to see how your partner is doing isn’t needy and shouldn’t be treated as such.
5. Telling your partner how much you care about him
Unless you two just met, letting him know how much you care about him shouldn’t be seen as an act of neediness. Sure, it feels scary and it takes a lot of courage to do so, but it certainly doesn’t have anything to do with clinginess.
Even if he doesn’t feel the same way about you, he should never go around and tell others how you wanted to bait him with your feelings. Just because he’s afraid of commitment, it doesn’t mean that he should deflect his issues onto you.
You were brave enough to let him know how you feel about him. And if he can’t deal with that, then it’s his problem.
If your relationship was already progressively moving forward, then there’s no reason your confession of feelings could be seen as needy.