Think aloud
Why did he leave me? Why can’t I stop thinking about him? Will I ever be able to get over him?
It feels as if your mind is filled with questions that you have no answers for. The more you think of them, the harder it gets.
You meet a guy; it all seems to go to plan, and suddenly, he’s gone.
He’s no longer there to hold your hand.
When you wake up, you don’t find him on the right side of the bed; you call him, but he doesn’t pick up his phone anymore.
Negative thoughts keep flooding your mind.
Your self-esteem drops and it all happens because the guy you thought was your soulmate has suddenly gone cold.
Trust me, every girl finds herself in a situation like this. How do I know that it’s true? Because I’ve been there myself too.
I met a new guy and after a certain period of time, I fell in love with him completely.
I loved spending time with him – he was fun and different from all those guys I’d been with before.
It maybe sounds odd to develop such strong feelings for someone after such a short period of time, but he felt like a best friend to me.
I could tell him my troubles and he never judged me.
So, oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin (aka the chemicals that made me go dizzy for him) did their thing and I said, “I love you,” faster than ever.
I surprised even myself because I’m usually the type of girl who takes time to say those three words.
Time passed and I fell deeper in love with him. I was filled with positive energy and I spent days daydreaming about our future together.
I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and I thought that I’d finally found the romantic partner of my dreams.
But then, the worst-case scenario happened. My Mr. Perfect left me and I wanted to disappear from the world.
Nothing made sense anymore. I woke up and went to bed with one thing in mind – I wanted to get a second chance with him.
Deep down, I knew that we were done. He left me, which meant that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me and that made me angry.
“Why can’t I stop thinking about him if he’s the one who cut the ties?
“Why can’t I simply move on after him when it’s obvious that he doesn’t care about me?”
Such thoughts kept chasing after me, and day after day, I felt angrier at myself for not being able to stop thinking about him.
When this happens, you want to text him. You want to call him and clear things up or even reach out to him through social media.
You think of every possible form of communication, hoping that it will make him come back to you.
And the worst thing is that no matter how hard you try, you simply can’t stop doing that.
His face lives in your head without paying rent. He’s in all of your thoughts and you have so many unanswered questions.
I know how you’re feeling because I felt the same way. My mental health suffered because there was nothing I could do anymore.
The only thing I became an expert in was thinking about him. And the more I asked myself why I couldn’t stop thinking about him, the harder it got to cope with reality.
It hurts you that you want a second chance with a man who clearly doesn’t want anything more with you.
You loved this man with all your heart, and it feels that the love for him will continue to light the flame in your heart.
Even if you get burned, you think that the best thing to do is go back to him.
If you’re feeling the same way right now, let me tell you something, and you have to trust me…
No matter how unlikely it seems at the moment, it will pass, and later on, you’ll feel grateful for the time he left you, once you meet that special someone who’s never going to leave.
It won’t happen immediately, as every wound needs time to heal. That’s why you have to be patient.
Now you know that you’re not the only one who feels this way.
We’ve all been left by someone we loved deeply; they tore us apart and didn’t let us get them out of our mind.
I’ve been there and I know how it feels.
I also know that somewhere deep under all those romanticized memories you still have for him, you’re aware that he was the wrong one for you.
But until that thought comes to the surface, you’ll be constantly thinking about him and wondering whether he could ever give the two of you a second chance.
Now, I’ll give you what you came for. Let me help you find an answer to the question of why you can’t stop thinking about him.
Let it be your first step toward getting over him and learning how to focus on yourself.
I know that it’ll take you a lot of time, but if you give it a go, you’ll most certainly succeed.
5 Honest Reasons Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Him
1. You still love him
Truth be told, this one is as honest as it gets.
One of the most obvious reasons why you can’t stop thinking about the person who left you is because you’re still in love with him.
The initial infatuation is gone and you’re left with real feelings that can’t be erased that easily.
While you were with him, your brain kept thinking about him all the time.
It created different scenarios for the two of you and generally had a plan of you two having a future together.
Because you liked the guy, you also had in mind to achieve a long-term relationship with him.
It all made sense, and your feelings supported you all the way.
But now the reality of real-life has hit you, you feel lost and have no idea how to move forward.
A few days ago, you had all these plans for the two of you, and all of a sudden, you’re pressuring your mind to stop thinking about him.
Is there a magical button that can make all of your problems disappear? Because if there is, then you want to press it.
I know that you’d like to get him out of your mind right now, but things don’t work that way.
You still love him and you can’t expect to stop thinking about him right away.
If you could, it would then mean that your feelings for him were false.
So, take your time, let the wound heal, and let him evaporate from your mind slowly but surely.
Let your mind and heart get used to the emotions he caused by his departure.
Only that way will you be able to grieve properly and fix the damage that’s been done.
2. You’re too focused on what you had with him
It’s normal that you shift focus when you meet the person who could potentially be the love of your life.
You pay attention to them and more or less forget other parts of your life.
Then, if he leaves you, you can’t stop thinking about him because he was the one you were supposed to grow old with. At least in your plans.
However, because you were so immersed in the relationship, you still keep thinking about him the whole time because you’re used to doing that.
The main difference is that before, your thoughts about him were filled with happiness and a feeling of warmth hugged your heart each time you thought of his name.
Now, it all comes down to a ton of ‘what-ifs’.
This makes it harder to cope with the thoughts because you feel an immense amount of stress every time you think about him.
You would love the thoughts to stop, but from this point of view, it seems impossible.
You’ve forgotten all those parts of your life that should be cherished and praised because you keep thinking about one single negative thing.
Do you think that it makes sense to ignore everything you are only because some guy (who was clearly wrong for you) left you?
You’re destined for so much more than spending your days thinking about someone who clearly had no intention of staying with you.
Look at yourself, look at how far you’ve come. Do you think that you would be here if it weren’t for you, your energy, or your dedication?
So, please hold dear all those things that you’ve achieved in life, focus on yourself, and let the picture of him slowly slip out of your mind.
At one point, you’ll realize that you aren’t thinking about him anymore and you’ll be proud of yourself for moving on from someone who was wrong for you.
He was your lesson and here in this world, we can’t let lessons control our lives. We learn from them and we move on; that’s how it works.
3. You’re stuck in the past, thinking that you could change something if only he gave you a second chance
Sometimes, you can’t stop thinking about him because you’re too focused on the thought that maybe things could work out differently if only he were to give you a second chance.
You’re probably keeping your relationship on replay in your head, trying to see a reason why things fell apart.
Maybe you could’ve done something differently, maybe you could’ve paid more attention to him, or you could’ve seen that something was wrong.
But these are all assumptions and frankly, you’ll never get answers to them.
You’ll never find out whether you could’ve done something differently because your story has ended.
I know that you can’t stop thinking about him because the wound is still fresh but you need to know that it makes no sense.
You can’t help yourself move on by wondering about things from the past.
Let it all stay in the past and let’s help you focus on the present and future.
Set some new goals for yourself, do something nice that will lift your spirits, and focus on loving yourself harder.
That will be more beneficial than living in the past and wondering why you can’t stop thinking about him.
You’re holding on to something that’s of no benefit to you, and you need to change that.
4. You’re lonely
I’m sorry to say this but one of the possible reasons why you can’t stop thinking about him might be because you’re lonely.
You’re used to having him by your side and now that he’s gone, you feel that you’re missing a piece of you.
He keeps entering your thoughts because you long for the feeling of safety he provided you with.
Now that he’s gone, your mind is trying to make you feel that he’s close to you – at least in your thoughts.
So you keep thinking about him even though you don’t want to.
It’s especially hard at night when you end up alone in a huge bed that you used to share with him.
Hidden by the darkness of the night, tears may slide down your face because this new experience feels terrifying.
It’s normal for this to happen after a relationship falls apart.
You loved the feeling of having someone next to you, which makes it harder to admit that you’re now single.
At first, it feels odd to do things on your own. You feel lonely, and you think about him all the time.
But as time passes, your thoughts will calm down and you’ll be clear about what you have and don’t have.
You’ll realize that you can’t spend your whole life thinking about him, as it stops you from moving on.
Trust me, your storm of thoughts will calm down, and you’ll learn how to go through life on your own.
People will come and go but you’re the only person in your life who’s 100% destined to stay.
Think of that the next time the memories overtake you and you feel that there’s no way out.
Everything will pass faster if you know how capable you are.
5. You’ve been grieving since he left you
It’s normal that you can’t stop thinking about him because you’re going through the stage of grief.
You need to relive all those emotions that are hiding deep inside you in order to move on.
He had one role and now that it’s changed, nothing seems the way it was before. You feel lost and you need to find your purpose once again.
While he was in your life, you developed a strong attachment to him.
He was your best friend, your shoulder to cry on, and your romantic partner you planned your future with.
Nevertheless, it turned out that you weren’t destined to be with each other and he had to leave your life.
This means that you have to face reality and look for ways to get over him in a healthy way and that’s exactly what your mind’s trying to do.
If you can’t stop thinking about him, it means that you’re grieving after the loss of someone who meant the world to you.
I know that it feels difficult but you have to face all those hard facts in order for you to find your way back to a normal lifestyle.
Trust me, this grieving process will provide you with relief. Just give it a chance and you’ll see a huge difference.
Understand one thing – love is just one of the parts that make a relationship successful.
Sometimes, two people can love each other like crazy, but they still won’t be the right fit for each other.
So, just because you loved him to death, it doesn’t mean that you were destined to be.
I’m no relationship expert, but he left you to give you a chance to find the right one, and you can’t stop thinking about him because you mistook him for that. End of story!
While you’re wasting your time thinking about him, your Mr. Right is waiting for you to get over your ex so he can shower you with love.
He’s waiting for you to show you what it means to have a nice guy who loves you more than words can say.
Now that we’ve made it clear that it’s completely normal that you’re thinking about him, let me help you get him out of your head faster.
When you know what to do, you can reduce the time that you need to get over your ex and stop thinking about him more quickly.
Practical advice on how to get over your ex, even though you can’t stop thinking about him!
Do you know that saying ‘practice makes perfect‘? Well, the same goes for getting over your ex and trying to stop thinking about him.
If you know to pull all the right strings, you’ll be heading the right way and helping yourself to stop thinking about someone who’s no longer in your life.
1. Delete his number
If you can’t stop thinking about him, the chances are that you’ll fall into the trap of trying to reach out to him.
Maybe you’ll convince yourself that it’s one last call to see whether things between the two of you are truly over.
But no matter how hard it feels, don’t ever fail at your goal and call him. Trust me, it won’t change anything.
He will still be the guy who left you and you’ll probably end up being more heartbroken after the call.
Let yourself know that your time together is over. He wasn’t meant to be, and that’s okay.
It makes no sense to chase after him when he was the one who cut ties in the first place. If he wanted to be with you, he would, and that’s that.
So, in order to help yourself not fall into this trap, DELETE HIS NUMBER. You won’t be calling it ever again.
If you know it by heart then take a pen, write down these words, and put them up everywhere around your room: ‘Don’t call him, he doesn’t deserve to hear your voice.‘
Even if he contacts you first, do yourself a favor and ignore his calls and text messages.
You’re worth so much more than picking up the phone after he calls you because he feels lonely.
Even though you can’t stop thinking about him, don’t let him know that.
2. If you can’t stop thinking about him, apply the ‘no contact’ rule
After you delete his number, you should go even further and stop communication with him completely.
That’s when the ‘no contact’ rule comes in handy.
No phone calls, text messages, or stalking his social media profiles for ninety days. It might seem too long, but you need this time for yourself.
You already can’t stop thinking about him and if you keep seeing his name every time you take out your phone and log on to something, it’ll be even harder to get over him.
But if you give yourself enough time to heal, he’ll be gone out of your mind faster than you expected him to.
3. Get rid of all of the things that remind you of him
If you can’t stop thinking about him, it means that you’re still attached to him, the things he gave you, and the memories you shared together.
This means that you could find yourself fully awake in the middle of the night, going through the gifts he gave you that you keep hidden under your bed.
Or you could crawl into bed looking through the photos that the two of you took together.
It might look like the way to go, but when you’re trying to stop thinking about him, the last thing you need is things that remind you of him everywhere around you.
The healing time will be prolonged each time you cry yourself to sleep while hugging the shirt that he gave you as a gift.
You don’t want that for yourself.
He left you, which means that his time with you is done.
Just because you’re thinking about him, it doesn’t mean that you should live in the past, reliving all those memories you shared together.
This makes it harder to move on, and if you keep doing it, you’ll never be able to find closure and move on from him.
4. Make it clear to yourself that he’s not the only man in the world
I know that you can’t stop thinking about him and that it seems as if he’s the only guy in the world worth your attention. But the reality is far from that.
Until you realize that he’s not the only man in the world, you won’t be able to move on from him.
He’ll be stuck in your head and you’ll be angry at yourself that you can’t get rid of him.
But once you realize that there’s plenty of fish in the sea and that he was just a lesson on your way to finding the right one, the agony will end.
So, instead of wasting your time on the one who left you, allow other men to come into your life.
Be friends with them, flirt with them, and let them be your saviors from the dark memories of the past.
Maybe one of them will be the real one, who knows. But as long as you keep them out of your life, you’ll never know what they can bring you.
Perhaps you’ll find a guy who’ll help you stop thinking about your ex the way you’ve been trying to since the breakup.
You never know until you give others a chance.
5. Get out of the house
When you can’t stop thinking about him, you can easily forget that you have a life that needs to be lived.
You can forget that there’s a world outside of your castle of sadness.
If you allow this to happen, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
So, instead of spending days thinking about the one who left you, get out of the house and do something nice for yourself.
Treat yourself to a tasty meal or a dress that you’ve been looking at in a shop window. Or call your friends and go out dancing the whole night.
Do whatever you want as long as it’ll make you get out of bed and get dressed.
You deserve to realize that you have a life and that it can’t stop just because some guy left you.
6. If you can’t stop thinking about him, find a hobby that will keep you occupied
If you can’t stop thinking about him, then you need something new to occupy your mind.
You need a hobby, as let’s face it, he doesn’t deserve your attention anymore.
So, it sounds like it’s the perfect time for painting, writing, doing yoga, or anything else you may like.
You should dedicate your time to something that makes you happy.
That way, you’ll keep your mind busy but you’ll also be helping yourself to stop thinking about your ex.
You have all the time in the world to dedicate to yourself.
Find something that you always used to do or try new things, which will help you move away from the things that shouldn’t be bothering you.
7. Stop trying to stop thinking about him
If you can’t stop thinking about him and you want to change that, the last thing you need to do is pressure yourself to stop thinking about him.
It sounds confusing, but let me explain it to you.
The more importance you give to thoughts about him, the harder it gets to make them stop.
Instead of helping yourself, you’ll only be making things worse.
We all do things that we aren’t supposed to do, so the second you make a point that you should stop thinking about your ex, his face will keep popping up in every single thought.
He’ll become a permanent resident in your mind and that’s when you’ll be doomed.
You won’t be able to get him out of your head, but at the same time, he won’t be anywhere close to you.
That’s what we call a vicious circle, out of which it’s hard to get out.
8. Give yourself a break from social media
If you can’t stop thinking about him, the chances are that you also won’t be able to stop stalking him.
And that’s toxic behavior that will make things harder for you.
Sad and lonely, caught up in your negative thoughts, you’ll be scrolling down his Instagram and you’ll notice that he deleted all of the photos with you.
Then you’ll look at his Story and see that he’s having a blast, while your mood is darker than the clouds in the middle of a thunderstorm.
This will immediately make you even sadder, and you can say goodbye to getting over him the easier way if you keep doing this.
Seeing that he’s happy will prolong your time of healing so the golden rule from now on is: ‘The less you know about him, the better for you.’
At first, it’ll be hard not to type his name in the search bar, but once you get used to it, you’ll feel much happier.
9. Focus on the things that you loved to do before your mind became focused on him
I know that you can’t stop thinking about him but the best cure for that is to change focus.
Instead of him, make yourself the main character of the story.
Do things that you loved to do before he broke your heart. Go for a walk, read a book, or take that course you always wanted to try.
Do things that make you happy and do them for your own good.
He’s not worth being the center of your attention when he obviously doesn’t care about you. So why you should give him power if he doesn’t deserve it?
Don’t let him overtake your life, because you have so many other things to go through and live for.
10. Don’t make him a part of your conversation topics
I know that it’s hard to stop talking about him when he’s the only thing that’s on your mind.
You want to share your story with friends and let them find the best solution for you.
But as long as you keep doing that, it’ll feel as if you’re putting salt on an open wound.
It won’t help you get over him and instead, it’ll only make you wish for him harder than you should.
You have so much more to talk about with your friends than some lame guy who broke your heart. He doesn’t deserve your attention.
If you know that you’ll fail with this, let your friends know that they should spill cold water over you every time you mention his name.
I bet that you won’t be talking about him from that point on.
11. Replace shared memories with some new ones that will make you smile
I know that he’s in every recent memory you have, which is why it feels even harder to stop thinking about him.
However, a great way to get him out of your thoughts is for you to find something new to remember.
You need new memories that will keep your mind busy.
New adventures with your best friends, new fun meetings with your family, and new bonding experiences with your old friends.
It all sounds so much better than thinking about the guy who left you, right?
So, look around and see everything that the world has to offer you.
It’s time for you to get up and do something good for yourself, something that’ll keep you up at night from all the positivity it’ll bring you.
12. Stay away from people who don’t know how to support you
When you can’t stop thinking about him, you keep fighting against yourself the whole time.
While you’re doing that, you need some people who’ll be by your side.
You need them to support you and be the wind beneath your wings.
They need to know that you need time to heal and that things aren’t as simple as they seem.
It’s one thing to tell someone to move on after some guy, but it’s a whole other to live through that experience and be your own biggest enemy.
One part of you wants to move on, while the other keeps living in the past.
So, if you notice that some of your friends don’t understand what you’re going through, distance yourself from them.
Otherwise, they will make it harder for you to reach your goal because they’ll keep pushing you harder than you can take.
Getting over someone is all about the small steps that need to happen over time. In the end, you’ll get your result and you’ll be proud of yourself.
13. Admit to yourself that he’s not as perfect as you thought
When you can’t stop thinking about someone, you tend to romanticize the memories you shared with that person.
They keep coming out of every nook and cranny of your mind.
You look at them and you see this perfect picture that you’ve created.
But once you agree to take off your rose-tinted glasses, you’ll see the truth in a completely different way.
Your Mr. Perfect will lose his crown, and you’ll realize that he’s not as perfect as you thought.
Your feelings for him made him look like he was a catch, but once you step back, you’ll see that it’s not true.
There are other men in the world who could give you so much more than he did.
Don’t let them get away because you were too busy thinking about the one who left you.
14. Avoid looking for explanations and reasons to get back together
I know that you want to know why he left you in the first place, which is why you can’t stop thinking about him.
But sometimes, you don’t need to know why something happened. You just need to take it as a lesson and move on with your life.
You don’t need to spend days or weeks looking for excuses as to why you should get back together. Trust me, that gets you nowhere.
Look for closure on your own and don’t expect that he’ll be the one who tells you what went wrong.
Don’t let him be the one who can help you move on, because he clearly doesn’t want that.
You don’t need his explanations to continue with your life. You only need the will to move on and to let him stay in the past.
Everything else is pointless and temporary.
15. Forgive him for what he did to you
One of the ways to stop thinking about the person who hurt you and to move on with your life is by learning how to forgive him.
Without forgiveness, you’ll always be living in the past, holding on to things that you should’ve let go of a long time ago.
So, if you want to heal, gather courage, and forgive him for his deeds.
Yes, he hurt you but is it really worth living in the past when you can live a better life without all those grudges that aren’t letting you move on?
The universe will see to his karma, and he’ll realize how badly he treated you.
However, you should never be someone who wants to put him down just because he did the same to you.
That’s not your job, so forgive him and enjoy the beauty life has to offer.
16. Give yourself time to heal
Don’t expect that you’ll be able to move on after him in a week’s time. If you think that, then you’re only fooling yourself.
Getting over someone takes a lot of time and a lot of baby steps that you’re going to take. It never happens overnight.
But the last thing you need to do is pressure yourself.
Let the process take its time because that’s the only way you’ll know that you’ve truly healed after a guy.
If you rush things, the chances are that you’ll only have the illusion that you’re over him while he’ll still be hidden somewhere deep in your thoughts.
17. Know that the right one is on his way
Even if you feel that you won’t ever find the right guy for you, I assure you that you’re wrong.
We all have someone meant for us. The only question is when we will meet them.
It could be today, in a month, or in a few years’ time, but no matter what, you should know that the man who’s made for you is coming to win you over.
He’s getting closer to you every day.
Just because you had a few heartbreaks in the past, it doesn’t mean that you stand no chance of meeting your soulmate.
All those before the right one are only lessons that need to teach you something.
Once you master them, you’ll wake up one day and the right man will knock on your door.
He’ll hold you tight, and you won’t regret any of the steps of the way that got you there.
