Every relationship has its ups and downs. When you are in a relationship with someone, it’s inevitable that you may be hurt by your partner.
However, it could be you who does the hurting. It is very painful when a partner hurts you, but it is more difficult if you are the one who hurts them.
You cannot avoid these situations. You need to face it.
There will be times when your partner is upset with you and sometimes you’ll know the reason why, but sometimes you won’t.
The problem arises when two people who are together just ignore the problem at hand and wait for the happy days to come.
He won’t talk to you, won’t tell you the reason why he is upset, and you don’t know whether or not you hurt him.
The best solution when someone is hurt is to tackle the issue head-on rather than sweep it under the rug.
Yes, it will be uncomfortable at first, but if you do this, you will improve your communication and it will only benefit your relationship in the long run.
The guilt when you hurt your loved one can be unbearable because you become aware of your actions and you start to lose yourself.
After you have hurt them, it is up to them to make their decision to stay or to go.
If you have guilty feelings, here is how you can handle them:
Accept their feelings and say sorry
The first thing that you should do if you have hurt your loved one’s feelings is not to joke about it or just ignore the situation altogether.
It could be that you may not agree with his opinion. Despite this, you should respect his feelings and show empathy toward him.
The feelings of other people, especially those who you love, matter just like yours.
And just like you, they want to feel accepted, understood, and taken care of.
How he responds should not matter at all. The only thing that does matter is that you accept and acknowledge his feelings.
Maybe you can say to your partner, “I get you. I know why you are upset.” Those words can surely make the situation better.
It will make him feel heard and understood, which is of vital importance.
You should never say things such as, “You’re not making any sense,” or, “It’s not a big deal.”
Those words actually amplify the situation and make it even worse.
If something bothers him, then it should be a problem for you too. He has the right to overreact if he feels hurt by you.
You have done something wrong and it is your job to make him feel better now.
However, this doesn’t make you a bad person. Don’t get me wrong, you are a great person.
You’re just a human being who made a mistake. You are not a robot, you are a human, made of flesh and blood.
It’s okay that you have flaws. The thing is, you need to work on them. You should accept them and move on.
If you feel guilty, remember that you have a conscience.
This gives you the ability to feel sorry for the mistakes you have made and to eventually rectify them.
After you have done that, then it is time to apologize.
This might seem obvious, but some people don’t want to apologize or they don’t know how to do so in a sincere way.
How you apologize depends on several factors. Maybe you hurt your partner and now he is not talking to you.
It will take some time to apologize to them properly, and you should be ready to take the opportunity and listen to what they have to say.
If you have made a big mistake, then it could take some time for your partner to accept your apology.
Your guilty feelings are justified the moment your partner feels hurt.
The most important thing is that you recognize your mistakes and that you are ready to make amends.
I know, sometimes it is hard to say you are sorry and hope that things will go back to normal.
The goal of your apology is to show him you are ready to work on yourself and be better.
Your partner will see through an insincere apology immediately.
Nobody wants to feel guilty. I hope your partner will be able to forgive you.
The only thing that is up to you is that you take responsibility for your actions and show your partner that you do feel bad.
Take responsibility for your actions
If you have hurt your partner, whether intentionally or not, a great introduction to an apology would be to admit that what you did was wrong.
Sometimes the problem seems to be that you don’t know what you said. In that particular situation, it is best to just ask.
Taking full responsibility for your actions is a great start in asking for forgiveness.
It shows that you know you have made a mistake and that you are willing to take full responsibility for it.
Don’t say words such as, “I’m sorry you are hurt.”
It will only shift the responsibility from you to your partner and believe me, you don’t want to do that.
They are clearly upset and now you are just adding salt to the wound.
Taking responsibility for the hurtful things that you have done will improve your relationship for the better.
You will show your partner that you are ready to acknowledge your mistakes and take responsibility for them.
You can say something like, “There’s no excuse for what I did,” or, “I’m sorry I spoke to you like that”.
The most important thing is to not get defensive. The argument will only escalate if you do that.
Don’t defend your actions. It might only make the situation worse. You are the only responsible one for your own actions.
Don’t make any excuses or justifications.
Be accountable, be a grown-up, and face your mistakes. You will only grow because of them.
You cannot say that your partner has made you hurt them or that they provoked you.
It could be that your partner did something that could have potentially led you to behave as you did.
Nevertheless, as a mature grown-up, the only way to ask forgiveness is by accepting full responsibility, without trying to escape it.
Actions speak louder than words
Your apology doesn’t mean much if you don’t act like you are truly sorry.
Your apology might mean a great deal to your partner.
You can apologize a hundred times to them, but if you are not able to back up those words with actions then they don’t mean much to them.
Everyone knows that actions speak louder than words.
You have to show your partner that you are sorry and that you want your relationship to get back on the right track again.
That means if you have treated them poorly and if that is the reason why they are hurt, then you should treat them with the respect that they deserve.
Backing up words with actions will allow you to cope with the guilt that you are feeling too, and at the same time, your actions will make a difference and will greatly improve your relationship.
The question is, “How do you deal with the guilt that you are feeling?” Well, the right start would be to try to do better.
You cannot take back what has been done, you cannot change the past, the only way is ahead.
You need to learn from your mistakes and improve certain aspects of your character. Trust me, it will go a long way toward redeeming yourself.
Your partner expects you to work on things to make it up to them. That includes working on your anger issues, if you have them, or on stubbornness.
Finding ways to cope with those problems or seeking help at a psychologist’s office is a great step to becoming a much healthier person.
Tell yourself that you will become better and that you will take other people’s feelings into account in the future.
Be honest and be ready to take responsibility for your actions.
Don’t push away those people who love you. Show them that you are ready to do everything to stay in their life.