Have you met someone new and that person seems so perfect? All of a sudden you feel more interested in them than in your partner. The person you’re with even starts to annoy you and you wish they were more like the one you just met.
If all of this sounds familiar then you might be having an emotional affair. I prepared 7 signs that will help you decide whether you do or don’t have it. If you recognize yourself in a few of them, I advise you to think about who the person you really want to be with is. Your partner or the one who just appeared?
1) You constantly think about that person
Have you met someone and you just can’t stop thinking about him? Whatever you do and wherever you go he is always on your mind. It makes you feel confused because the only person you’d been thinking about was your partner. Now someone new appeared.
You aren’t sure whether it’s just because it’s interesting to meet new people, or it’s actually something else. You know that having someone on your mind that much means that you have a crush. If you feel like it’s not something you should do, then it’s easy to understand it could mess with your relationship.
If you have a partner but feel that way about another guy, it can be a sign that you’re having an emotional affair.
2) You’re in contact more often
Okay, you met someone new who seems very interesting. He’s just a friend, but you start texting each other more and more every day. It reaches the point when you even start ignoring your own partner just so you can devote yourself to the new guy.
When you hear a notification you rush to your phone to check if it’s him. You keep your phone close at all times because you want to answer as soon as possible. Maybe you even have planned topics for the rest of the week. If this sounds like you, then you should stop and think about the boundaries you and your partner have.
Before we move on to another sign I want you to think about whether it’s something you would like your partner to do or not. I think most people will say “No”, so why would you do it if you would consider it a bad thing if he did it.
3) You feel well understood
Maybe the new guy makes you feel so well understood. It seems like you’ve known each other for a long time. He agrees with everything you say. You share the same opinions and like the same things, that’s why it’s always interesting to talk to him.
Maybe you even mentioned some of the problems you have in your relationship. Then he tried to help you and encouraged you to be your own priority. He told you you’re amazing just the way you are and those problems weren’t caused by you.
Then everything he says starts to sound like the most beautiful melody in the world. And you flirt back a bit. Remember when your partner’s words sounded like that? Now that the other guy has taken that place, I think it’s one of the big signs you’re having an emotional affair.
4) You compare him with your partner
Usually, when you find someone interesting you start comparing yourself or other people to that person. In this case, a new guy has caught your attention, and everything he does or says seems perfect. Then you start comparing him with your partner.
Suddenly everything you loved about the person you’re with starts to annoy you. You start comparing the new guy’s looks with your partner’s. Then it goes to the way the two of them talk or text you. After that, you begin feeling disappointed in your love life. And everything starts to feel less and less exciting.
If you feel this way, you should think about who is the person you actually want to be with. The one you’re currently in a relationship with or the one you’ve been constantly thinking about?
5) You start keeping secrets
Maybe your partner asked you about your new friend. And he told you that he doesn’t like the fact the two of you have been hanging out and texting each other that often. Then instead of respecting the person you’re actually with, you start keeping secrets.
You start hiding your conversation, maybe even deleting the messages. And no, you don’t stop hanging out with him, that’s just what you told your partner when in fact you’re going out in secret. You still haven’t cheated so you try to make yourself think there’s nothing wrong with it.
But most people consider emotional affairs as cheating too. And if you’re doing things like this one it’s clear that you fancy the other person.
6) You feel detached from your partner
Since you spend so much time with that new guy, you start sharing things from your life with him. He is now the first one to know everything that has made you sad or happy that day. He gives you advice and encourages you to reach your goals.
Then because you already talked about your day with someone, you stop doing that with your partner. You stop feeling the need to communicate with him that much. Then the two of you become more and more distant. He sees your mental absence, but you always deny it, and he can’t do anything about it.
If you feel detached from your partner, and it comes mostly from your actions, the chances are you’re deep in an emotional affair.
7) You start fantasizing
And the last sign is the one that can easily tell if you’re in love with someone else, rather than your partner. Have you caught yourself thinking about what your life with that other person would look like? Maybe you imagined a trip together? Or you wished for physical closeness?
It could happen during the moments when you compare the two of them or when you feel detached from your partner. If you said “Yes” to any of the questions above, you definitely have a crush on the other man.
How many of these signs can be applied to you? If your answer is more than one, you should definitely think about what you want to do with your relationship. Emotional affairs are mostly considered cheating, so to respect your current partner you should make a decision as soon as possible.
It’s not the end of the world that you fell in love with someone else. But you’ll have to end a relationship if you feel that way. I believe that you’ll make the right decision. Good luck!