Think aloud
Giving him space to figure out what he wants may seem like a scary thing to do. You may think that it would most likely result in a break-up but that’s not how it always works.
When a guy asks you for some space, you instantly feel like the whole world has turned against you. Your first thoughts are that he’s going to leave you and that he uses the need for space as an excuse for that.
But things don’t always work that way. In most cases, giving your partner the space he needs actually just makes your relationship stronger.
It helps him realize that he wants you in his life forever and strengthens the bond between the two of you.
Sometimes, a guy will approach you and ask you straightforward to give him some space because he needs some time to consider his options. Other times, he won’t openly tell you but he’ll expect you to know what he’s wishing for.
When should you be giving him space to figure out what he wants?
There are many occasions when a guy may wish for more space. Sometimes, he’ll just tell you that he needs to breathe for some time and think about your relationship.
However, if he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t seem too confident with asking for something that helps him and his mental health, then you’ll be the one who’s supposed to see through his needs.
That’s why I’ll make sure to help you know when guys need space to think about their next step. Sometimes, it’ll be easy to tell, while other times, you’ll need to pay closer attention.
1. Give him space if he’s in a bad mood
We all have those moments when our mood drops. We feel uninspired to do anything, including having a conversation with our partner.
In those instances, all you need is some time for yourself, a moment of peace that will help you regain your energy. But if your partner is going through one of these phases, the chances are that he won’t directly ask you to give him some space.
Maybe he’ll try distancing himself from you, thinking that it will help him. However, that won’t be the best solution to the problem.
So, instead of questioning him about what’s going on, you should be giving him space to figure out what he wants.
Maybe he’s going through a bad period of his life and he doesn’t feel ready to share his story with you yet. All he needs is some time to think about things and try to figure out the right solution.
Don’t worry, he won’t completely pull away from you just because you’ve given him some space. Instead, he’ll come back to you once he feels ready to share his feelings with you.
Trust me, he’ll appreciate your act and he’ll love you even more for being respectful of his feelings.
2. Give him space if you see that he’s not communicating
Maybe you had a bad fight and things became heated and got out of control. You’re the type of partner who wants to solve any issues right away, while your boyfriend wants to take some time before having a discussion.
In that case, you should be giving him space to figure out what he wants to do next. If you keep pressuring him to talk to you when he’s clearly not ready, you’ll only hear silence and then you’ll get more upset with him.
And because you know that he doesn’t like to talk about arguments right after they happen, you should respect his decision and let him collect his thoughts.
This way, both of you can have a conversation with a clear head. This makes the situation after the fight less intense.
3. Give him space if you feel that your relationship has started to change
After the honeymoon stage of a relationship comes the part where things don’t seem as rosy as they used to.
You and your partner start fighting and issues seem to accumulate. You start asking yourself whether there’s even anything to salvage.
Should you be looking for a solution or should you just give up?
In this case, giving him space to figure out what he wants could be one of the best things you can do for your relationship.
Your partner needs some time to think about where your relationship is going. He needs to realize what he can do to save you from falling apart.
Maybe you think that by giving him space, you’re actually signing an agreement to end your relationship. But that’s not how things always work.
When you give your partner enough space to collect his thoughts in peace, you actually help him open his eyes and see what he has with you.
It makes him realize that what you guys have is worth fighting for. You can end up with something amazing if you decide not to give up.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and in most cases, this is exactly what happens after your partner gives your relationship some thought.
4. Give him space if he’s stressed
You can’t expect your partner to always be in the best mood. He can’t always be a guy who smiles and acts like he doesn’t have any issues in his life.
Besides your relationship, there are other parts of his life that he needs to take care of. There’s his work, his family and friends, and his mental health.
When you put all those burdens onto the shoulders of one man, it’s easy to realize why he’s been so stressed lately.
If you offered him your help and he rejected it, you have to appreciate his boundaries and realize that some people want to deal with their problems on their own.
Respect his decision that he doesn’t need your help right now because he wants to solve everything by himself.
In this case, giving him space to figure out what he wants would be the best step to take. You’ll let him deal with his problems the way he’s used to.
And if by any chance he needs your help afterward, he’ll know where to find you. Trust me, he’ll respect you even more after this.
5. Give him space when he asks for it
If a guy asks you for space, don’t try convincing him that he doesn’t need it and that you’re fine just the way you are. Just because some things work for you, it doesn’t mean that your partner feels comfortable with them.
We all have different ideas of dealing with problems and different ways to cope with them. Maybe you don’t want to be left alone for any second of the day, while your partner wants to have time and space for himself.
It all comes down to personal preferences and the ways we’ve learned to deal with certain situations in life.
So, giving him space to figure out what he wants is the best thing you can do right now. When he asks you for some time and space for himself and you acknowledge his wishes, he’ll realize that you respect him as a person.
Why should you be giving him space to figure out what he wants?
Spending less time together and giving your boyfriend some space can benefit your relationship in many ways.
Here’s a list of reasons why giving him space to figure out what he wants can be good for you and your partner and why it can help to improve your relationship.
1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
I mentioned this earlier and it may sound like a cliché but it speaks the truth.
Spending less time together makes your partner appreciate you and your relationship more. It makes him realize how happy he is with you and that he doesn’t want to trade you for anything in the world.
If you don’t think that this is true then look at things this way:
How many times have you lost something and only after you were left without it did you realize how much it meant to you?
Or let me use an even simpler example:
What happens when you’re away from home and you don’t see your friends or family for a long period of time? Do you miss them? Do you happen to realize how much you love them?
The same will happen to your boyfriend after giving him space to figure out what he wants. He’ll realize how much he loves you and he’ll be back in no time.
2. You get more time to focus on yourself
Giving him space to figure out what he wants doesn’t only help your boyfriend; it also helps you.
All this time, your only focus has been your relationship. You tried to make your partner happy and you forgot about your own happiness.
But now that you’ve given your guy enough space for himself, you’ve also given yourself the same thing. Now, you can focus on yourself and your priorities for a change.
Then when you get back together, you’ll realize how much happier you feel because you’ll have learned to love yourself on your own, without anyone’s help. After that, his love for you is just a bonus.
3. Giving him space doesn’t imply a loss of interest
If you’re avoiding giving your boyfriend space only because you think that he’ll lose interest in you then you’re doing it for the completely wrong reason.
People don’t lose their feelings for someone just because they don’t spend every second of the day together. If that happens then it means that he didn’t even have feelings for you in the first place.
Giving him space helps him figure out what he wants to do next. It gives him time to process his feelings for you and to realize where the two of you stand.
Also, it shows him that you respect his wishes and makes him appreciate you even more. You make him see that you actually listen to what he has to say and that has to be one of the pillars of a healthy relationship.
4. It lets him keep his independence
We all want to keep our independence in a relationship. We want to feel that nothing has changed and that we’re still who we were before we got together.
Giving him space to figure out what he wants allows your partner to see that you don’t want to change or control him.
You don’t want him to spend all his time with you because you understand that there are other things he wants to be doing.
He’s an independent guy who knows what he wants and by giving him space, you show him that you respect that.
5. It helps him not get overwhelmed
Relationships can move quickly and a guy is usually the one who’s afraid of that. Once the thought of commitment hits him, he has a need to back off and take some time to clear his thoughts.
By giving him space to figure out what he wants, you’re also slowing down the pace of your relationship. You’re showing your partner that he’ll have his time and space and that you won’t pressure him into anything.
Even if he feels that he’s not ready to take the next step, he has enough time to figure out what he wants. This shows him that your relationship is a two-way street and that both of you are equal participants in it.
He won’t feel at any point that he’s been tied down and that a decision has been made without him giving his opinion.
6. It shows him that you still have your own lives
Healthy relationships are all about two people investing their time and energy in each other while also having their own lives on the side.
When you enter a relationship, you shouldn’t be expected to ignore everything you were beforehand.
This saves you from ending up in a co-dependent relationship, where one of the partners doesn’t know how to function properly without the other.
So, giving him space to figure out what he wants actually helps your boyfriend realize that your relationship is only one part of his life. There are many other things that define him and make him the person he is right now.
He can use this space and time to catch up on other things in his life. And then, when you go back to each other, you’ll also have so much more to talk about since you haven’t spent every second of the day together.
7. It helps him come up with his own decisions
Giving him space to figure out what he wants allows your partner to come up with his own decisions. There’s no pressure – he can decide whatever he wants.
Eventually, when he comes back to you and lets you know that he doesn’t want the relationship to end, you’ll know that he said it because he truly means it. You never influenced any part of his decision.
Sometimes, if you feel that things are slipping out of your control, you might have the need to make everything get back on track.
But in those moments, you could pressure your boyfriend to do something he’s not ready for, which can never end well.
However, if you give him enough space to figure out what he actually wants, the decision he makes in the end will be only his. There won’t be anything that influenced it in any kind of way.
8. It shows him that you’re not desperate
Giving him space to figure out what he wants requires courage. It requires confidence and goes to show that you’re not a desperate woman who always has to have her partner by her side.
And men appreciate this. A man loves seeing that his woman isn’t dependent on him and that she won’t chase after him the second he asks for some space.
Believe it or not, after you show him that you’re willing to give him space, a guy wants to pursue you. He wants to show you that you need him in your life because he sees that you’re not the kind of girl who runs after men.
He’s attracted to your courageous act of giving him space without second-guessing him and he likes the fact that you didn’t try to stop him. After that, you get the title of being irresistible and he wants you even more than before.
9. It helps both of you appreciate your time spent together
After giving him space to figure out what he wants, your time spent together will become more precious. You’ll understand how it feels to be apart and you’ll appreciate every second that you get to spend together.
It also means that you’ll start finding more time for each other. Even if it’s fifteen minutes a day, the only thing that matters is that you’re together.
Who would’ve thought that giving him space actually makes him want to be around you more?
However, I already mentioned that time spent apart makes you appreciate each other more, which is why you’ll notice a significant difference in the quality of your relationship.
Every moment you spend together will make much more sense.
It won’t feel like you’ve already told each other everything and you won’t get bored by each other’s presence. Instead, you’ll wish for more because you’ll know to appreciate every second of the day with each other.
10. It helps you gain more confidence
Giving him space to figure out what he wants doesn’t only help your boyfriend; it also helps you build up the confidence that you’ve been missing.
You’re used to having him always there next to you. Whenever you’ve felt low and needed someone to cheer you up, your boyfriend has always been there.
Because of that, you’ve forgotten how to make yourself happy. You’ve got so used to depending on him that you now have no idea how it feels to be your own biggest fan.
But when you give him space, you also teach yourself two of the most important things in your life – to love yourself and to have trust in yourself.
Even when no one else believes in you, you still have to be the one to cheer for yourself. And that’s exactly something you’ll learn by giving your boyfriend space.
In the meantime, while he’s trying to figure out his next step, you’ll have enough time to build up your confidence.
You’ll learn how to build trust in yourself, improve your sense of worth, and generally be happy about everything you are.
And then, once your boyfriend is back in your arms, he’ll figure out what it means to love a strong woman who knows her worth and believes in herself.
11. It acts as a time-out from arguments
If you’ve noticed that you and your partner have been fighting a lot the last couple of months, then giving him space to figure out what he wants will also serve as an opportunity to take a time-out from all of your disagreements.
Constant fights can drain all of your energy. They make you feel like you have to walk on eggshells if you want to avoid them.
This can get you to the point where you don’t even want to be around your partner anymore because you know that the two of you will fight.
So, giving your partner some space actually saves both of you from these constant issues that can’t seem to stop.
Once you give yourself enough time to think about things, you’ll realize what’s important and what’s not. You’ll also figure out the underlying reason behind all those fights.
Maybe all of the arguments you’ve been having were just the result of long and stressful days at work and they can be avoided if you give each other time to relax before starting a conversation.
In the end, you may even realize that this whole time, you’ve been arguing over some stupid things that don’t bring value to your relationship whatsoever.
After that, you’ll learn how to see the difference between issues that should be argued about and the petty fights that you should ignore completely.
I hope that you can now see that giving him space to figure out what he wants isn’t a bad thing at all. It can help you improve your relationship and appreciate each other more.
At the same time, it also helps with building your confidence and realizing that both of you have a life besides your relationship and that you shouldn’t ignore it for the sake of your well-being.
