Finding peace after a toxic relationship doesn’t come easily but it certainly is one of the things you must push yourself to do. If you don’t allow yourself to let go, you’ll always feel trapped in the chains of your past.
We all do our best to stay away from toxic people who are known for ruining the lives of others but somehow, the masks they’re wearing end up looking too natural to spot them.
Usually, you can’t say from the start that you found your way into an unhealthy relationship. In the beginning, things actually seem great and you feel ecstatic for finally finding your significant other.
Even though you try to carefully observe the situation, you end up thinking that your partner isn’t showing you any of the red flags. So you enjoy the view through your rose-colored glasses as everything finally feels perfect.
At some point, though, reality hits you hard and it all starts to shatter into pieces. You realize that your new relationship isn’t as great as you thought it to be. You recognize that you willingly let yourself deal with a man who’s anything but good for you.
That’s when things get difficult. You try to find a way out of it but sometimes it’s easier said than done. It takes a huge amount of effort to leave a toxic relationship but it takes even more time to heal after one.
Finding peace after a toxic relationship: 15 tips that will help you heal
On the list of things that are the hardest to go through, you’ve actually managed to tackle the first two of them. You left a toxic relationship and now you’re trying to find peace after one.
The healing process doesn’t come easy, as getting your old self back after heartbreak is always hard. Things get even more complicated when the cause of your pain ends up being a toxic person.
It doesn’t matter whether you were dating a narcissist who did his best to put you down or if you found your way into an abusive relationship; the struggle of getting yourself back on track is always the same.
In order to find your inner peace, you’ll have to complete many steps. Healing is never linear but it’s always possible.
Even if you feel like you’ll never be your old self, you should know that the day will come when you’ll finally feel like the person you used to be. You’ll get back on your feet and move on after everything you’ve been through.
Finding peace after a toxic relationship may be difficult but I’m sure that you can do it. So, here are some tips you should follow if you want to allow yourself to grow and successfully let go of everything your toxic partner put you through.
1. Try not to contact your former partner
Once you break free from your toxic relationship, the chances are that you’ll experience the need to get in touch with your ex. This is a normal part of healing as you’ll find yourself in a situation that’s completely new to you.
You were probably together for a while so you’re used to having this person around. Now that your relationship has ended, you’ll experience flashbacks and you’ll think about contacting him again.
But no matter how much you want to hear from him, you must stay focused on your goal and that is healing. With him by your side, you’ll never be able to successfully let go.
Remind yourself that this guy broke your heart. He manipulated you into believing that he was the right one for you, only to tear you into pieces. He was toxic for you from the very start but his mask made it impossible to see him for who he really is.
Now that you’ve finally saved yourself from his toxicity, you don’t need to waste your time trying to get back together with him. Trust me, he’ll never change, no matter what he tells you.
It’s obvious that you’ll feel the need to get in touch with him since he was a huge part of your life but you need to remind yourself that going back to him could never do you any good. He’s the kind of guy who’ll ruin you forever and you should put in your best efforts to stay away from him.
In this case, reaching out to him even through social media is off limits. Contacting him won’t bring you anything good and it can only prolong the healing process.
Finding peace after a toxic relationship isn’t easy but if you manage to not reach out to your ex, you’ll have taken one of the most important steps. After that, it’s all about making yourself a priority.
2. Stop waiting for closure
Maybe you’re waiting for an explanation as to why he treated you the way he did. Or you could be waiting for him to apologize for his actions.
You need something that will allow you to move on and you desperately need to close this chapter of your life because you believe that’s the only way out. But in this case, closure isn’t something you need. It’s not a necessary part of your healing process.
Waiting for him to explain himself will never get you anywhere. That’s why you should give up on the idea of getting your closure.
This probably isn’t the first time he hurt someone the same way he hurt you. His toxicity is a part of his life and you can’t expect him to change for you.
Even though these words may hurt, you need to be aware that he never really loved you, no matter what he says. The only person he cares about is himself.
So, stop waiting for him to explain his actions to you because you’ll never hear him say any of the words you’re desperately waiting for. You don’t need to get closure from him as you can easily provide yourself with it.
Just make it clear to yourself that he was only meant to be your lesson and nothing more than that and allow yourself to move on.
3. Stay in touch with your emotions
Once you’re out of a toxic relationship, your emotions will be all over the place. One day, you’ll be feeling fine and thankful for getting yourself out of a relationship that was only doing you harm, and the next, things may take a completely different turn.
It can all start to feel like an emotional roller coaster, one you want to get off. But at this point, you must remind yourself that healing from a toxic relationship isn’t easy and that it’s normal to feel everything and nothing all at once.
Sometimes, you’ll feel confused about what’s going on. Other times, you’ll try to find excuses for why your ex treated you the way he did. Torn into two parts, you won’t know how to save yourself from all the mess you ended up in.
But even when you have no idea what to do next, you need to keep in mind that you’re allowed to feel the way you do. Your body is trying to process everything you’ve been through and that’s why your emotions are out of control.
Getting out of a toxic relationship and simply moving on is an unrealistic expectation you don’t want to set for yourself. So, give yourself enough time and space to process every emotion you’re feeling right now. Accept that they’re a normal part of the healing process.
That’s the only way to rebuild your self-esteem and get yourself back on track. That’s the only way to find peace after a toxic relationship.
4. Process everything you’ve been through
Right now, I assume that you’re feeling as if you’re the only person who’s been through something like this. When all of your friends and family kept telling you to leave this guy, you chose to stay with him.
Once he broke your heart in two and showed you that not all villains wear black, you realized how bad of a person he actually was. And now, you feel the need to hide everything he put you through and pretend like it never happened.
But not accepting the truth isn’t the way toward finding peace after a toxic relationship. Pretending as if nothing happened to you won’t get you far. Honestly, it can only result in going through the same experience again and you never want to get yourself back in that position.
So, the best thing to do right now would be to admit to yourself everything that happened to you. You need to accept everything you’ve been through for the sake of your mental health.
You can do this by writing it down or by telling your best friend the truth. Choose whatever makes you feel comfortable and allow yourself to accept that you couldn’t have done anything differently, even if you’d tried.
5. Create your own support group out of positive people
Finding peace after a toxic relationship is all about surrounding yourself with the people who mean the most to you. It’s about being close to your loved ones and letting them give you all of the support you need.
Going through all of this alone is possible but it’s much easier when you know that you can rely on those you trust the most. It’s nice when you know that someone has your back and supports every move you make.
This will allow you to feel empowered and strong, as you realize that you’re not alone in this world. You have people who care about you and who don’t want to see you hurting. And that’s what matters the most.
6. Put your well-being in first place
By being in a toxic relationship, you’ve already been through a lot. You sacrificed many parts of your personality just to make your ex-partner happy.
But now is the time to change your attitude and finally put yourself first. It’s time to practice self-care and shower yourself with all of the love you deserve.
Instead of caring about others, the time has come for you to make yourself the most important person in your life. You have every right to enjoy the life you live and there’s no reason for you not to.
So, if you always wanted to work out but your toxic ex made your wish seem unreasonable, pack your gym bag and finally buy yourself a membership. Buy all of the books you always wanted to read but you never had enough time for since he scolded you for not spending time with him.
You’re entitled to do whatever makes you happy and this is your chance to finally take control back into your own hands.
7. Stop blaming yourself
You’ll never find peace after a toxic relationship unless you stop judging yourself. None of the things you went through is your fault and that’s something you must keep in mind.
This guy seemed like a catch but then he changed completely and that’s not something you could’ve predicted. You trusted him and he manipulated you, so the blame is on him.
Stop judging yourself for what he put you through, since you’re not responsible in any way. Instead, forgive yourself for all those times you forgot your worth, as that was the only mistake you made.
Everything else was caused by your toxic ex who never truly cared for you but simply wanted to use you to boost his ego.
8. Always keep in mind that you’re a winner, not a victim
One of the steps you must take when finding peace after a toxic relationship is to finally learn to think that you’re not a victim. Instead, you’re a winner for leaving a toxic relationship and starting all over again.
You need to give yourself enough self-love to realize that you’re a fighter. You’re a strong, independent woman who had the courage to leave a man who’s clearly not good enough for her.
You’re a survivor who left a guy whose only intention was to see you down on your knees. But you never gave him the satisfaction and you showed him that you’re stronger than he thought you to be.
For all those things you went through, you’re a winner, nothing less than that. And next time you try to put yourself down, remember everything you’ve been through. Remember the courage you had to free yourself from the shackles of your toxic ex.
You had the courage to do that and you saved yourself from him. On your own, without anyone’s help.
9. Set some boundaries for the future
Now that you know what a toxic relationship looks like, you’re probably aware of some of the lines you crossed without knowing where they would take you. You’re aware of the boundaries you neglected because you thought that you should listen to a partner who apparently loved you.
To be sure that you won’t make the same mistake in the future, you need to set some boundaries. You need to know the things you won’t tolerate anymore, no matter how hard you fall for a person.
Finding peace after a toxic relationship is hard but setting some boundaries for yourself can help you a lot. It can allow you to feel more comfortable in your next relationship, knowing that you won’t let this new person treat you the same way your toxic ex did.
And just one reminder before you start: Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s not something you should feel ashamed of doing. It’s only a sign that you love yourself enough not to let anyone treat you any less than you deserve.
10. Rediscover the person you used to be
I’m sure that your toxic relationship made you forget the person you used to be. It molded you into a new version, one that your toxic partner liked more.
That’s why this is the right time for you to rediscover your old self. It’s time for you to go back to your roots and cherish the person you used to be.
Even if you think he succeeded in changing you, the truth is that you’re still the same person. He only managed to make you play by his rules.
Once you take control over your life, you’ll again become the person you always were. An honest, kind, and loving creature with the purest heart.
11. Give yourself enough time to heal
Finding peace after a toxic relationship doesn’t happen as fast as you think it does. It’s only natural that you’ll need to spend some time working on yourself in order to heal successfully after someone tore your heart into pieces.
So, it’s only normal that you should be patient with yourself. You should give yourself enough time to process everything you’ve been through and move on. It won’t happen overnight but if you choose to be gentle with yourself, it’ll all play out the way it’s supposed to.
12. Forget about the past and focus on the present
Once you’re out of a toxic relationship, you may experience flashbacks of everything you went through. This can make it harder for you to move on and live your life the way you deserve to. It can make you focus on your past instead of enjoying your present.
If you feel like you’re dwelling on what happened too much, blaming yourself for everything you went through, you need to stop for a second and breathe.
Remind yourself that you can’t change anything about your past. That’s something you can’t control, no matter what.
So, instead of thinking about it way too much, you should focus on your present. Enjoy every moment that life gives you because you don’t know how long it’s going to last.
Be happy right now. Do things that will improve your current situation and stay in touch with your emotions. That’s all you should do to improve your life for the better and heal after all the pain you’ve experienced.
13. Seek professional help
Finding peace after a toxic relationship can be hard. Sometimes, you can try everything and it can still feel like you’re not making any progress.
In that case, your best decision would be to seek professional help. Speaking to someone who fully understands what you’ve been through can be greatly beneficial and you shouldn’t stay away from it.
Remember that anything that helps you heal properly and move on after a toxic relationship is worth trying.
14. Give yourself some time before going back on the dating scene
Sometimes, you may get the feeling that finding peace after a toxic relationship will happen faster if you simply move on to the next guy. You may think that a rebound relationship will allow you to grieve your toxic ex more quickly.
But you mustn’t rush things and push yourself into anything you’re not ready for. You’re still vulnerable from everything you’ve been through and that’s why you need to give yourself enough time to heal.
Getting into the next relationship before properly moving on can only break you apart even more than you can imagine. So if you feel that it’s too early to start dating again, don’t force yourself into it.
As long as you’re not ready for something, then you don’t have to do it. Take as much time as you need and once you finally feel like the timing is good, you can then go back on the dating scene.
15. Remind yourself that you’re worthy of a healthy relationship
Just because you’ve been in a toxic relationship, it doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of true love. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t know what a healthy relationship feels like.
Your toxic partner chose you because he saw how amazing of a person you are. He wanted to have someone like that by his side but he knew that if he showed you his true colors, you would leave him right away.
That’s why he chose to be someone else so he could ensure that you fell in love with him. And while you thought you were getting yourself into a relationship with the right one, he knew that things would go down a completely different path.
So, none of the things that happened was your fault and none of this suggests that you’re not worthy of love. Instead, more than anything, you deserve to be in a healthy relationship. You deserve to feel loved by a real man who won’t tear your heart apart but will treat you with kindness.
Remember that and never let yourself forget that you’re more than enough. You’re a real catch and you deserve to be with someone who’s equal to you.