Even If I’m Falling Apart, I’ll Be Better On My Own

I’m on my own now. I’ve decided to turn a new chapter in my life and leave you where you should’ve been all along – in the past.

There isn’t you anymore to tell me lies and give me fake promises of how you’re going to love me forever. And even if I’m falling apart, I’ll be better on my own than with you by my side.

I’m not going to pretend that I stopped loving you because I would be lying to myself. The love-hate relationship I have with you is draining every ounce of my energy and I can’t take it anymore.

There are nights where I catch myself thinking about you and start reminiscing about the good old memories – back when we’d laugh and cry together. In those moments, I can’t help but shed tears as I realize we won’t be together anymore.

Then, there are moments where I get so angry at myself, recalling all those times you hugged me with your toxic arms and deceived me with your sweet words. By doing so, I’m ruining every single memory that reminds me of us.

Why? Because I have to if I want to keep my sanity.

I know that I’m falling apart, that my soul isn’t the same as it used to be, but I have to erase you from my system in order to move on. It hurts like hell, but it’s necessary if I ever wish to be happy again.

I need to get rid of our memories and your voice that’s still echoing in my head.

I need to show everyone, including myself, that I’m better on my own and that I don’t need you or any man to feel complete.

I know I’ll go crazy if I don’t do that. I’ll shut myself off completely because some man doesn’t give a damn about me. I’ll lose myself to a man who didn’t put in any effort to keep me in his life.

And you were always a scared little boy who didn’t know how to fight for someone. When you saw that I needed you, that I was broken inside, you decided that it’s better to leave me than to help me fix myself.

But I promise you, I’ll be better on my own. Slowly, but surely I’m going to erase you from my memories. And one day, I won’t even flinch when someone mentions your name.

Eventually, you’ll merely be someone who was once part of my life but left me when I was at my lowest.

And frankly, you don’t deserve me at all. You never really did.

I was just so blinded by love that I thought that I could change you. I believed my love for you could show you how great life can be when you appreciate and respect someone.

I gave you enough time to realize how wonderful I actually am and to see all those amazing things about me. But you never came to your senses and that moment never arrived.

You continued doing your own thing and not even once asked me how I felt or what I thought. You were so good with words that you could break me into a million pieces with only one sentence.

Your one move and wrong look would ruin my entire day.

And I felt worthless beside you. You didn’t bother to make me feel special, even though I know I am. I was and still am worthy of experiencing genuine love.

That’s why I’m saying forever goodbye to you. Your words can’t touch me anymore. You won’t convince me that I’m the unlovable one.

That night when you hurt me, I decided to grab the bull by the horns and take control of my own life. I’ve transformed myself into a whole new person now. A woman who isn’t afraid to go after her dreams.

A woman who’s capable of achieving great things even when she’s emotionally broken.

So, do yourself a favor and forget about me. Stay away from this woman who’ll never give you another chance to hurt her.

I don’t need you, I’m better off on my own. I don’t need your lip service, embraces, and insignificant gifts. I know that those things aren’t worth anything.

It took me some time to realize that you were my worst decision. You made me beg and strong women don’t do that.

Every time we were out with our friends, you searched for any opportunity to humiliate me in front of others. You told them that I was just another girl to you and you never showed me any kind of affection.

With you, I hit rock bottom, but you didn’t stop there. You wanted to shatter and ruin me as a woman.

I could never think of the reasons you treated me the way you did. I know I didn’t deserve it. But in your own twisted mind, you probably thought that I would never leave you, so you tried to use me in any way it suited you.

I’m done feeling sorry for myself. I know it’ll take me some time to get back on my feet again, but I’ll work on that every day.

And one day, I’ll erase you from my heart and mind. I will finally accept that I’m better on my own and that I made the right decision to walk away from you.

That day, I’ll regain my confidence and start loving myself more. When that happens, my voice and my knees won’t tremble every time I see you on the street or hear your voice from somewhere in the crowd.

My heart won’t skip a beat when I receive that “I miss you” message on my phone. After all, you aren’t that important to me anymore.

This chapter of my life I’m devoting to myself and to rebuilding the parts of my heart I lost when I was with you. After all, I’m an independent woman who’ll rather be single than in a loveless relationship.

And even if I’m falling apart right now, I know I’ll be better off on my own than with you by my side.