How many times have you thought that you had found the one? That perfect partner who is great, handsome, and funny.
Then as time progresses, you start to feel miserable in your relationship. Half of the time, you are crying because of your partner.
He doesn’t listen to you, ignores your feelings, and sometimes it feels like he only cares about sex.
You feel like he is emotionally unavailable. While being emotionally unavailable is more common for men, women are no strangers to it, though it’s one of the social norms for a man to be emotionally unavailable, and to act differently, and tough.
However, being emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean not being able to share his emotions and it also has to do with openness and connecting with other people.
If you have ever met a man whose words are not backed up by his actions, then you may have been dealing with an emotionally unavailable person.
Oftentimes, you are left with a confused mind, not knowing what to do when dealing with such a man.
Many times, we can’t see the bigger picture, so we refuse to accept any early signs that say our partner is emotionally unavailable.
You should not ignore those signs at any cost, because if you recognize some of them early on, it will be easier for you to make the decision about what to do and you will be less hurt afterward.
Here are some signs that could help you realize you are dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner, even at the very beginning of a relationship:
He lacks empathy
A partner who refuses to recognize and accept your feelings is a partner who lacks empathy. He will never talk to you about your feelings.
A person who lacks empathy toward others will only talk about his worries and concerns, never listening to your needs or emotions.
Afterward, you will feel lonely, like he is not present anymore. An emotionally unavailable partner will feel cold, heartless, and distant.
He will never be close to you, like you want him to be. He will treat every vulnerability as a direct threat to him.
A relationship isn’t about being self-centered and self-absorbed by your own needs, wants, or emotions.
It’s always good to know your own feelings and needs, but if those aren’t matched by those of the other person, then such a relationship is doomed to fail.
Being emotionally available is much more than not negating each other’s needs.
It’s about risking being hurt and feeling vulnerable, but at the same time, knowing that the other person will not exploit your weaknesses, but rather hide them with their own strengths.
Everything needs to be perfect
It is easy to know if the man you’re dating is emotionally unavailable by noticing if he’s a perfectionist.
Those who are emotionally unavailable try to hide their vulnerabilities and insecurities.
They are in a state of mind where nobody is ever good enough for them and as a result of that, they don’t have the need to be open with anybody.
They can just sit back and judge everybody, without the risk of being hurt.
If you pour your heart out and the man you are in a relationship with doesn’t lift a finger to calm or protect you, then honey, you’re dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner.
They will just criticize you, whether the things you are saying are big or small.
If he starts to compare you to other women, then, needless to say, but he’s not interested in you.
If he starts saying, “You should wear less make-up,” or, “I don’t like how you eat,” then darling, he is rejecting you and keeping an emotional distance, so he can avoid being hurt by your words or actions.
He is an egocentric maniac
An egocentric maniac, a person who acts as if the world is all about him, is not easy to notice at the very beginning of a relationship.
However, there are certain questions you can ask yourself if you want to find out if you’re dating an egocentric man:
- Does your relationship revolve around him?
- Is it only him who talks about his family, health, and work-related problems?
- How do you spend your time together? Is it you who adjusts your obligations and only you doing stuff that is of interest to him?
Those questions are just the tip of the iceberg. If the answer to all of them is, “Yes,” then you are dealing with an egocentric person.
My best advice to you is to move away from him, distance yourself, and figure out whether he is someone who fulfills your needs and emotions.
A healthy relationship includes your needs and emotions as well as your partner’s.
You should put yourself in first place and find a partner who will grow with you. There is no I in a relationship, only we.
Don’t settle for less, honey! He only sees you as an object, who he manipulates to get what he wants.
Don’t be that girl. Know your priorities and don’t let a man change them.
In fact, if you’re dealing with an egocentric maniac who happens to be emotionally unavailable, all women are pawns in his game.
That’s something that you should not allow; a heart is not a toy with which a boy should play.
Don’t be fooled. Such men are not ready to face their problems and change them, since their lack of emotions leads to having no emotional stability at all.
It could be that some previous childhood trauma had something to do with him having no emotional stability and being emotionally unavailable, but whatever the reason, don’t let him fool you.
How to deal with an emotionally unavailable partner?
This is a great question to which there is no easy answer. It’s up to you how much can you take.
First and foremost, you have to have patience. Set yourself a time limit, as it’s up to you how much time you need to give him.
You should also consider giving him space. This may not be easy for you, but it’s the right thing to do and a good direction pointer.
Over time, he should open up to you if he is ready to tackle the problem together with you.
The other side of the coin is where he is not ready.
When you finally hit your breaking point, then it is time to walk away from the relationship and give yourself time to emotionally heal from a broken person.
You should pay close attention to the things that he says.
More often than we think, they tell you what they want from you too and it’s you who is the one not listening.
Selective hearing is a huge problem when dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner.
If you are ready to hear him out, be ready for his answers.
He may or may not start criticizing you and complaining, as well as questioning your loyalty just to get rid of you.
These types of men don’t have empathy and are ready to say anything to you.
Be fierce, be yourself, and most importantly, be ready to move on if he doesn’t want to change.
Emotionally unavailable partners are not always bad people, it could just mean that they are emotionally unavailable at that particular point in their life.