We’ve all been hurt at one point in our lives. Some of us have gone through multiple heartbreaks while others have dealt with one only.
But no matter what, our hearts have been wounded and they’ve got the scars to prove it.
You fall in love, experience this beautiful feeling that you never want to end, and then all of a sudden, something changes. Instead of spending the rest of your life with this person, you find yourself crying on the bathroom floor after a heated argument that ended in a breakup.
Day after day, you try to pick yourself up. You heal your wounds and mend your broken heart.
And then, you rush into the next relationship because you believe that’s the only way to find the closure.
You feel this urge to have someone by your side, even though you know that you’re still not ready to give yourself fully to this new partner.
But, you force yourself to get up and speed the process of healing. Or sometimes, you truly believe that you’re over your previous partner and capable of moving on.
As you find this new person to share your life with, you realize that you’re still haunted by thy ghosts from previous relationships. After a while, you realize that your heart, soul, and mind still aren’t ready to commit themselves fully to this new relationship.
You compare your new partner to your ex to the point where it becomes obvious even to you that you’re still under the influence of your past relationship. You project past trust issues onto your new partner because your mind still hasn’t moved on.
And most importantly, you don’t really see the future of your new relationship because you’ve been hurt and abandoned many times in the past.
All of the issues in your previous relationship seem to have their place in your present as well. You feel stuck between these two periods of your life, unable to deal with both of them at the same time.
Since you’re already dating someone else, you don’t feel that you can heal properly from your past traumas. But you also don’t think that it’s the right thing to leave your partner just because your past relationships are haunting you.
So, you feel like you have nowhere to go and you don’t really know what to do. Breaking up might be the mistake of your life, but living in the past won’t do you any good either.
I know how you feel. I’ve been in your shoes many times. I’ve pushed myself into new relationships too fast, way before I was even ready for them.
Maybe I thought that my heart would heal faster. Or that time spent with someone new would help me move on quicker.
But then I would find myself comparing my new guy with my ex. I would find myself having these terrifying thoughts that my new relationship will end up the same way as all of the previous ones.
That’s when I realized that rushing things isn’t doing me any favors. Just because I met someone new doesn’t guarantee me that I’ll heal my broken heart any sooner. If anything, it complicates matters.
So, I made a pact with myself that after each breakup, I’ll make sure to remain single until I truly feel that I’ve moved on. I’ll be on my own for as long as my heart and soul need it.
A month, two months, a year. It doesn’t really matter how long it takes. As long as I feel it in my bones that I’m still not over my previous partner, I won’t enter a new relationship.
I realized that if I don’t do that, I’ll be replaying the same scenario over and over again.
I’ll meet someone new, end up in a relationship, and then break up with him because of my ghosts from the past. I’ll get my hopes up that I’ve finally met the one, only to ruin my expectations with all of the past traumas.
Plus, I’ll probably lose some great people on the way as I’ll cross them out of my life because of things they have nothing to do with.
I’ll lose some great guys only because the bad ones from the past hurt me and I didn’t give enough time to myself to detoxicate my heart and soul from the sorrow they inflicted on me.
But if I give myself enough time to heal, I’ll also save myself from a lot of unnecessary pain. I’ll give myself a chance to experience love the way it’s supposed to be felt.
I won’t ruin it with the emotional baggage that I keep bringing into new relationships over and over again.
If you don’t feel ready to take the next step and move on after a heartbreak, don’t expect your new partner to do that for you. Don’t expect that he’ll help you fix your broken heart.
The only thing you’re capable of doing at that point is unconsciously hurting him as well.
So, be honest with yourself about where you’re standing. Figure out if you’re actually ready to let yourself step into a new relationship.
And please, don’t let the ghosts from previous relationships haunt you into the new one. Heal fully before deciding to look for someone else because that’s the only way your damaged heart won’t end up broken all over again.
From time to time, you’ll see flashbacks from the past. You’ll see things that will trigger your past memories.
But if you let yourself heal properly, none of those will have an effect on you.
Instead, they will only be reminders of everything you’ve been through. Of everything you’ve conquered and come out as a winner in the end.
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