It’s not your fault.
I know that you blame yourself for your trust issues, but don’t apologize every day. The two of you didn’t become best friends because you wanted it to happen. It’s just that too many things happened in life that brought you together.
Unfortunately, we don’t get the chance to choose what happens in our lives. If we could, everybody would be so happy. However, it’s just wishful thinking. And the reality is that we need to face the problems we didn’t even expect to experience.
You didn’t make your trust issues. Life did. Everything that happened to you left a scar. And that scar has a name: “trust issues.” But you should know that it’s nothing more than a wound. A reminder of how strong you are, and proof of how you managed to survive all those awful things.
It’s not your fault that you met him. He was the most amazing guy you’d ever come across. That beautiful face and amazing physique – it was impossible not to notice him. “Luckily” for you, you caught his attention too and he approached you.
And before you knew it, the two of you were a couple. People told you to be careful. “You don’t even know him that well. He’s too good to be true. You’re rushing things, be careful. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Keep some distance until you really get to know him…” But you just didn’t care.
You were so happy that your dreams were finally coming true. It was like a fairytale. Long nights in the middle of June. Driving bikes to the nearest beach and staying up talking till sunrise. Eating your favorite donuts and stargazing. They were some of your favorite times.
You used to talk about everything. From the tiny details from your childhood to your biggest fears and dreams. He would also talk a lot about himself, so you started feeling that you knew him better and better each day. And you did in a way.
But it’s not your fault that you only knew the things he chose to present to you. How could you have known when he made it sound so legit and perfect?
Then it came time for your first trip. You didn’t know where you were going. He said it was a special surprise for his special girl. You felt so loved and appreciated. And just couldn’t believe that your life was so amazing.
When you arrived at the destination, your phone was dead. You played music in the car so the battery was completely drained. But you really wanted to take a picture as soon as you stepped out of the car. So you took his phone. You didn’t expect the reaction you got.
He practically lunged at you to take his phone from your hands. And when he realized the look on your face, he said he did so because you looked beautiful and he wanted to take a picture of you. You believed him, because why wouldn’t you? He was so perfect, right?
But the same thing happened again when you wanted to use his phone to text your mom. The second you took it, he appeared next to you. He said he needed his phone immediately to fix some issues at work. It was unusual, but why would he lie? He never lied before, right? Yet, it couldn’t leave your head.
It’s not your fault you felt confused. It’s his fault he started to lie and keep secrets.
At that point, you still weren’t sure about the things that were happening. I mean those were just two coincidences. And he even had explanations, so why worry? But the situations were really odd. And you felt like the universe was trying to tell you something.
When you got back from the trip, you noticed he often used flight mode. He said it was because his battery was damaged so he was saving it that way. But during the times he was connected to WiFi, you spotted some unfamiliar names among his messages.
A contact saved as “Cousin Eddie” was always at the top of the list, even though you’d never heard him speak of that man when he chatted about his family. You decided to ask him about it. He said it was just an old friend who he liked to call “cousin” because they were so close.
You believed him, but you still had that gnawing feeling that something was wrong. And you were right. One day he was careless and left his phone behind. You’re not the type of girl to read someone’s messages, but this text lit up the screen. It was like you were meant to see it.
His cousin thanked him for picking the hotel with the best view and spending the perfect night together. But he was spending the night with his parents, right? There was only one thing left to do. Check his story with them. When they told you that he hadn’t visited them for more than a week, your world collapsed.
The perfect love story was not so perfect after all. Actually, it wasn’t perfect at all. At first, you blamed yourself. You thought that everything happened because you weren’t good enough. Then you blamed yourself for blindly trusting everything he ever told you.
You remembered how everybody warned you about him, but you ignored them. And it felt awful. It felt like you betrayed yourself and everybody who cared about you. It broke you and the thought of trusting another person ever again seemed impossible.
And even though you’ve since healed from it all, you still find it difficult to believe anything anyone says. You want to, but there’s a nagging inside of you, saying you’ll get hurt again if you let your guard down.
So you live with a huge wall around you. You overthink everything. You’re afraid of falling in love again. And you hate that you’ve hurt people by not trusting them. So your go-to phrase is “I’m so sorry.”
But you don’t have to apologize for your trust issues. It’s not your fault you’re friends with them. And it’s not your fault you can’t break that wall down just yet.
However, you need to know that day will come. One where you’ll be able to love, trust, and enjoy every sun that rises. Soon you’ll be completely healed and you’ll get the chance to live your life to the fullest. I’m sure of it!
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