When they told me to never settle for less, a sort of anxiety used to eat me up. Did I truly deserve everything I ever wanted?
The dread was real because I couldn’t imagine asking for the book-like romance. Those love stories were for fantasy and never the real world.
So why am I here to tell you that you should never settle for less than you deserve if I never believed it myself?
Well, I do believe it now.
The thing is, no one is stopping us from asking for the things we think we deserve. We create these false conversations in our heads that lead us to believe that no one would ever want to make us happy.
Not only do those thoughts make us doubt ourselves, but they also bring us to making assumptions about other people and their intentions. Those toxic thoughts make us believe that no one would even think about giving us what we’re looking for.
We overthink things to the point where we start to believe we’re less worthy of our own standards.
You have to admit that you stop yourself whenever you try to ask for what you want. You believe that you don’t deserve it, so you simply refuse to vocalize your needs.
When you’re put through hell by so many people in your life, you start to think that it’s just the normal way of existing. Everyone was awful to the point where you might have even stopped believing in the goodness of people.
So when someone shows you basic kindness, you stick to them. You hold on to that person as if they’re your last ticket to safety.
I know and understand this because I went through the same thoughts and experiences. When you’re this broken, you start to realize that too many people go through the same things.
We all meet someone who doesn’t give us what we look for. That someone makes us feel guilty for our own wants and needs.
When you’re in love, your only logic is to act on those feelings. It hurts to think that you could ever be apart from them.
It hurts to imagine that one day they might not be a part of your life anymore. So you do whatever you can to prevent that.
That’s also when all of us settle for what this person is able to give us. When they say that they won’t do something for us, we get upset, but we stay.
You don’t think about leaving because… who would leave for such a silly thing?
What you might have forgotten is that you have the right to rationalize your emotions and leave for something better. Because there IS someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
For example, my ex never once wanted to get up in the morning to have coffee with me. He said that it was a hassle for him, even though he knew that we wouldn’t see each other until nightfall.
Those mornings were very special to me. They meant a lot because it was a chance to spend a little time together and I’d know that my day would be good if I started it with him.
I would even make coffee for him each morning, just to watch it get cold as the time passed and he simply wouldn’t get out of bed.
Back then, I just thought I was selfish. If the man wants to sleep, I should simply let him sleep, right?
Well, you see, my current boyfriend gets up before me, makes the coffee, and waits for me to get out of bed and get ready so that we can start the day together.
This is such a small and probably insignificant example, but it’s a great one nonetheless.
This is a routine I needed to start my day and my current boyfriend understands that. He doesn’t belittle me for it, but actually takes a step further and even makes the coffee for me.
As you can see, this woman isn’t looking for much. But even if you’re looking for someone to take the stars from the sky for you, you should try and find a man like that.
You can’t just settle for less and then wait for the world to bless you one day. Because, as sad as it is, people don’t change.
What you see at the beginning of the relationship can only be the foundation you work on later in life. You can’t make someone see your worth afterward. They’ll only be able to see it once you’re out of their life.
That’s the truth. Someone who isn’t ready to change is someone who will never be able to treat you right.
So whatever it is that you’re looking for – loyalty, honesty, romance, cuddles, candlelit dinners, or even someone who’ll make you a fortress of pillows for movie night – you’re totally allowed to ask for all of these things.
Because nothing is too much for the person who truly loves you. Someone who loves you and doesn’t want to lose you is the man you want in your life.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “If he wanted to, he would.” So let’s remember that. If he doesn’t want to give you what you’re asking for, even the smallest things, he’s not the right one for you.
The man who’ll be able to treat you right is the man who’s waiting for you somewhere out there. So stop wasting your time on someone who doesn’t even deserve to be called a man.
Find your happiness with someone who doesn’t think you’re too much work, but rather one who’d gladly spend all his time making you happy. You give so much in your relationships, you deserve that!
So don’t hold back. Ask for the things you want. And if they’re not ready to give you those, leave. You deserve so much better.
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