Divorce Was Never The Easy Way Out When It Came To Us

My dear ex-husband… Or, no. I shouldn’t start it this way, should I? How am I supposed to refer to you now? The divorce isn’t official yet, we still have to sign those papers. And I can’t call you mine anymore.

What happened to us? We were the happiest couple anyone ever met and then, out of nowhere, it all went downhill at the speed of light. I was genuinely happy by your side and it seemed like you were too. Was divorce the easy way out? I honestly don’t know…

Thinking about all the time we’ve spent together is tearing me up inside. How am I going to get used to life without you? What will I say to the kids when they ask me about you? “Daddy went on a trip” is not going to work. You know they’re too bright for that.

I know I’ll stand by the window in our living room like I used to. I’ll be waiting for you to park our car on a driveway. The dinner will be at the table, cooling down. You won’t show up this time. And then, I’ll burst into tears again.

When I hear their lively voices as they come downstairs to eat with their mommy, I’ll quickly dry my face. I don’t want them to see me crying. Their little hearts don’t have to be broken just yet. I’m not going to let that happen.

Don’t get me wrong, I can handle everything on my own. It’s just that… Sometimes I catch myself thinking if I could’ve done something more to save our marriage, to keep us together. Was I supposed to fight harder for our family? What if it was completely my responsibility?

I know that there are times when I overthink a lot and I know how much it irritated you. God, arguing about all those small quirks we both have now sounds funny. But were they what led us here?

All the things that were the reason for loving someone may cause those same wonderful feelings to go away. But, did that happen to us? Or did you simply use that as an excuse for leaving me and abandoning our little family?

I’m not sure if I’ll ever get an answer to these questions, but one can only hope. Who knows, maybe you’ll read this letter someday, even if I decide not to send it.

Divorce was never the easy way out when it came to us…

But it was the only one. I couldn’t let my kids grow up in an unhealthy environment. That was definitely not an option.

I know some women can forgive cheating, but I’m not one of them. How on earth didn’t I notice the signs? It all started with those seemingly small things. You hiding your phone away and even putting on password protection.

Having business meetings was a perfect excuse for showing up home late. Naive me, I believed it every single time, because why would my husband lie to me? We promised each other we’d be completely honest with one another. At least I was…

How could you cheat when that was the only thing I asked you not to do? I keep replaying those scenes in my head when I told you that if you ever feel like you’re falling out of love with me, you should tell me. Especially, if you start feeling attracted to someone new.

You know I wouldn’t mind. It would hurt, that’s inevitable, but it wouldn’t be devastating like it is now. I’m overwhelmed with all the emotions, some of which I feel for the first time… I’m angry and sad at the same time. And disappointed.

I thought you were different, that what we shared was special. Boy was I wrong…

Honestly speaking, you were every woman’s dream when we were dating. And when we finally said our vows, I was convinced this was my very own fairytale. Until it turned into a nightmare.

I can’t say that you weren’t a great father for our angels, or that you weren’t there for us when we needed you. My closest friends and family don’t quite understand why I gave up so easily. You were the perfect man. But that’s the thing: you were.

The new you is someone I don’t know and I’m not sure I want to get to know. It’s heartbreaking to realize that the person you love with all of your heart is the one who stuck a knife in your back.

But don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I have someone to take care of, to give my unconditional love to. In the beginning, I blamed myself, but now I know it’s not my fault. I have to be strong for our kids and give them the life they deserve.

We’ll be on good terms solely for their well-being, but please take care of them as well. Don’t give more importance to the new woman. You’ve always said that they’re the apple of your eye, so prove them your love. Let’s not make them feel guilty for what happened between us.

Divorce was never the easy way out when it came to us, but it was unavoidable…