Think aloud
When you choose to discard a narcissist, it’s quite easy to get confused by all the manipulation that you’re experiencing from his side. You can’t see straight from the constant torture that you’ve been through for the past couple of months or years; you just know that you have to get out of that relationship.
It’s not easy to do this; however, at one point he’ll be the one to discard you when you’re the most vulnerable. He won’t be satisfied with the supply of attention and validation that he gets from you because you’re too drained to focus on anything.
That’s why it’s so important that you’re the one who discards him. Once things start moving towards a breakup, he’ll start to lose his marbles. So, you should be prepared for the aftermath so you don’t go blindly into it.
What happens when you choose to discard a narcissist?
1. He’ll think that you’re lying
The first thing that will happen when you choose to discard a narcissist is that he’ll think that you’re lying. He’ll believe that you’re not able to make that decision for yourself and that his grasp on you is much stronger.
Also, he’s a narcissist. In his mind, there’s no way that anyone could ever want to leave him because he believes that he’s absolutely perfect. He thinks that there’s no one better than him in this entire world, so where would you go if you chose to leave him?
That’s why he’ll probably laugh when you tell him that you’re breaking up with him, or he’ll even tell you to go sit down because you’re being ridiculous. He won’t understand that you’re serious.
2. He’ll make false promises
After his initial reaction, he’ll pretend like he’s upset about your decision. That’s when he’ll ask you, as genuinely as he can, if he did something wrong. Once you start telling him about all the things that he’s done to push you away, he’ll start making false promises.
This man doesn’t care about your sob story. All he cares about is his ego. A narcissist can’t comprehend that he’s done anything wrong, which is why he’ll just make fake promises to make you stay.
He could even start love-bombing you just to prove his love for you. But that’s nothing more than a manipulation tactic because he’ll be back in his old ways before you know it.
3. He’ll blame you for everything
When you choose to discard a narcissist, it’s hard to understand the way his mind works. When he sees that he can’t get through to you with all those false promises, he’ll start blaming you.
He’ll tell you that you’re the one who’s making him treat you so badly. He’ll say that if you were a better girlfriend, then he might be a better boyfriend. And all of the above!
This is just a way to put the blame on you and to make sure that you reconsider this entire thing. He wants you to apologize to him, and he doesn’t want to lose the upper hand.
4. He’ll try to gaslight you
The first sign that things are starting to escalate is when he starts gaslighting you. When you choose to discard a narcissist, he can’t understand why you’d want to leave him. Even if he knows that he’s done something wrong, he won’t admit it. He’ll only continue to tell you that he doesn’t even remember the things that you’re talking about.
Don’t fall for this trap. He’s using this moment to make you feel like you’re crazy so that you’ll start wondering if you even remember things correctly. He wants to twist your reality around and to gain back control over you.
The way you remember things is correct. And even if it isn’t, he doesn’t have the right to say that it’s not. You have your own experience of this relationship, and you have a right to leave.
5. He’ll get dangerously angry
When all else fails, a narcissist will become dangerously angry, and he’ll do anything to scare you. He may not hurt you directly, but the fact that he’s throwing stuff around is just another sign that he’s unstable.
It’s still abuse! Even if he throws a glass against the wall, and it doesn’t even hit you, it’s still called abuse. He turns to this option because he can’t believe that you’re leaving him, and he thinks that by intimidating you, he’ll make you stay with him – even if it’s just out of fear.
6. He’ll devalue you
“You think that anyone would deal with your stupidity once I leave?”
“Do you really believe that you’ll be able to find someone else if you go now?”
“You’re stupid if you think that I’m going to sit here and listen to this. You’re not making any sense! You’re just as stupid as you always were.”
At this point, you’ve probably heard these lines more than once. He says them over and over again just to make you feel bad about yourself. That’s his way of devaluing you, and he’ll continue to do so until you start believing them.
He wants you to think that you’ll never find anyone as good as he is, just to make you stay.
7. He’ll threaten to hurt himself or you
When you choose to discard a narcissist, he’ll think that his most effective weapon is to make you believe that he’ll hurt himself or even hurt you. He’ll pretend like he’s so hurt that he won’t be able to live without you, or he’ll be so angry that he’ll think that he can threaten to harm you.
He may even try to do that. It’s hard to know what a narcissist will do next. So, be prepared to have some escape plan if it comes to this. He may want to tie you up, push you around, or even hit you. All of these things are quite possible scenarios.
That’s why you should have someone by your side, even if they’re just waiting somewhere around the corner.
8. He’ll run to turn the story around
You’re not nearly as important to him as his reputation is. So, when you choose to discard a narcissist, he’ll run to turn the narrative around. Once he understands that he can’t do anything to change your mind, he’ll want to be the first one to reach out to your family and friends just to get their pity.
However, he can’t do that if you have evidence that proves that he’s been the abuser this entire time and that you just wanted to find a way to get away from him.
9. He’ll just find someone else
When you discard a narcissist, and he realizes that he can’t do anything about it, he’ll go ballistic for a while. However, it won’t take him long to find a new victim to fill his narcissistic supply.
You’ll think that he’s an awful person for being able to move on from you this quickly, but he’s actually just doing the one thing that he’s best at. He’s lying to a vulnerable woman and showing her a fabricated version of himself.
If anything, you should feel sorry for the poor girl, because you know what she’s going to go through in a matter of weeks. But that’s none of your business anymore. You’re finally free.