Do you know why people say “Choose people who choose you“? Sometimes we stay close to people just because we love spending time with them. We like the memories we’ve made together and they keep us next to them. But we don’t realize that they treat us the way we don’t deserve to be treated.
It’s even possible that we know that, but we choose to ignore it. Why? There’s no good reason for us to do it, but our heart wants us to stay close to them. However, our heart doesn’t understand that it will get hurt pretty soon if we don’t leave. And that there are so many people who would treat it much better.
In order to be truly happy and to surround ourselves with the ones who will make our lives better, we need to live by one rule. And that’s the famous quote “Choose people who choose you.” Trust me, it’s a game-changer.
If you’re unsure about how to do it and why is it a smart idea, I have a lot of things to tell you. I don’t want to keep you waiting anymore. You’re about to find out something that has the power to change your life for the better. Are you ready to feel that change?
Why you should choose only people who choose you
I’ve learned this the hard way. When I was younger my parents always tried to emphasize the importance of being careful about the people I’ll have in my life personally and professionally. But I never listened to them until I grew up and I figured how badly people can treat you.
That’s how I finally learned what things I am willing to tolerate and how I want to be treated by the people who surround me. The old me would’ve probably stayed, even if she felt disrespected or treated badly. However, the wiser, new me immediately disappears instead of trying hard to change them.
If you want to successfully choose the people who choose you, you need to start reevaluating your current relationships. But that’s not everything you need to do, you should also try to establish healthy self-care routines and learn lots of things regarding personal boundaries.
I know it’s difficult to distance yourself from your friends. But if those people make you feel bad and don’t appreciate you then they aren’t your real friends. Sometimes you just have to leave them behind for your own good. Sometimes they will realize their mistakes and change, then you’ll have a better friendship.
You need to know that you should give time and attention to people who treat you with respect and the ones who make you happy on a daily basis. The ones who don’t, aren’t worth it. However, I know that it’s still difficult to distance yourself from the people you were around for such a long time.
Living by the rule “choose people who choose you” is so beneficial that you’ll start seeing changes in all the segments of your life. So be courageous, and cut the people who don’t deserve you out of your life.
How to choose people who choose you?
I know it’s easier said than done. Sometimes the people we need to distance ourselves from are some of our closest friends. I won’t lie and say that it’s easy, but I want to tell you that you’ll feel such a relief after some time. And it’s definitely going to be worth it.
No one is telling you that you should stop being friends with them. It’s just recommended that you find someone who will replace them and show you what true friendship and love look like. And about your old friends, you can still grab a cup of coffee and check up on them.
And now it’s time to get to the interesting part – teaching you how to choose people who choose you. Let’s take a look at the 9 tips I’ve prepared for you. Trust me, when I started living by this rule my whole life changed for the better. And I promise you that yours will too.
1) Find people who love you for who you are
There is an old saying: “If you have one friend, you are a happy man. If you have two friends, you are a favorite of the Gods. If you have three friends, you are a fool.“
People often have misconceptions about what a true friend is. A true friend is not the one who will always tell you what you want to hear. It is the person who will tell you the worst to your face, but the best about you to others.
It’s easy to be next to a person who is doing well in life. At that time we have hundreds of friends. When it’s hard for us, when nothing is going our way, that’s when we see who our true friends are.
A person who loves and appreciates you will definitely point out your mistakes, but will not force you to change. That’s because every person in the world is unique and should be accepted as such. You have to understand that your real friends would never try to change you.
Of course, you shouldn’t be stubborn and you should always give someone a chance to listen to what they have to say. But remember, you still know what’s best for you.
2) Always remember those who check up on you
“I love you” is one of the most beautiful things that a person can hear and it doesn’t matter who said that to us. Whether it came from our partner, parents, grandparents, or our friends, we are overwhelmed by that feeling of peace and harmony, because we have someone who cares about us.
But there are some things that at first glance seem much less important than “I love you“, but when we think about it, we see that they are equivalent and maybe even stronger.
Those are sentences like:
“Call me when you get home.”
“Do you need some help?”
“Have you eaten yet?”
“I miss you.”
“Can’t wait to see you again.”
Do you remember those who called you when you were feeling blue, when you had a problem, or you were simply stressed about something? Those who cheered you up however they could?
These are people who care about you. And that is the best thing a person can possess. That one person to whom you can tell everything, who is always there for you, no matter when, where, or what. If someone loves, appreciates, and respects you, reciprocate in kind.
Remember, everything that seems cheap will be expensive in the future.
3) Set boundaries
Boundaries. What are they? Or here’s even a better question, where should they be? Let’s imagine a space. The whole is made up of you and one more person (your partner, friend, boss). If we ask people, in turn, to tell us where the border should be, 99.9% will tell us “In the middle.” That’s the correct answer.
However, is this actually the case in reality? I wouldn’t say so. How many times have you agreed to something you didn’t want to do without getting anything in return?
I’m not saying you should do something just to force another person to do something in return. But if you do something for someone you care about, they should acknowledge and appreciate it. Because it is a relationship. It’s supposed to be formed out of mutual understanding, respect and giving.
If you’re the only one investing in the relationship, stop. Set boundaries! If you want free time for yourself, tell that to the other person, and if they love you, they will respect that. If they decide to respect your wishes then it means they chose you, and you should choose people like them too.
Remember, no matter how harsh it may sound, you have to put yourself first. Because if you’re not your own priority, how will you be someone else’s?
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
4) Find people with similar values
Imagine finding a person who is completely identical to you. You would find it interesting for the first 17 minutes, but after that, you would get bored, wouldn’t you? Wait, then I should find a completely different person because differences attract?
I’m sorry to disappoint you, but it’s not that either. You can feel love for anyone because the heart chooses, and you can barely influence it. However, how long that love will last is influenced by many factors. One of them is definitely the points of view the two of you have, ambitions, and desires.
If you have ambitions to become the next president of the USA, and the other person only wants to buy a new game, it is deemed to fail. Because that other person won’t be able to understand you and won’t be able to understand that you don’t have free time for everything.
Another very important thing for success is the goal. A precisely defined and quantified goal. I knew two people; they loved each other more than anything, they even had the same ambitions, but they didn’t have a goal.
And not just any goal, but a common goal that was supposed to bind the two of them for the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, in the absence of that goal, they broke up, although at first glance they seemed to be made for each other. The same thing can be applied to friendships you want to last long.
Simply, love alone is not enough. You’ll never get anywhere unless you know where you’re going.
5) Look for people you’ll feel connected to
We all have that one person we, unfortunately, don’t talk to as much as we did before. We only hear from them occasionally via IG or some other social network. It’s sad because we used to be so close and we told each other every little detail of the day that was behind us.
However, life had some other plans. It sent them out to the west in search of work, and I went east because of my education.
But every summer when we all come home, and we see each other, we realize how connected we really are. Because even though you haven’t seen each other in such a long time, you were able to talk and go out as you’ve always been together.
It feels like nothing has changed. Of course, we don’t have many of those people in our lives, but we should take care of those we have. And we should always be grateful for them. These are the people who chose us, and we should always choose them too.
6) Listen to yourself
Have you ever had that moment, after something bad happens, in which you reflect and remember how you had a hunch it would happen? You couldn’t explain it, so you ignored it. The same can happen with people we let in our lives.
Every so often we will have a bad feeling about a person, yet we will ignore that feeling and let him or her get close to us with no regard for what could happen. Maybe your friends assured you they’re okay, maybe your parents think they are good for you, maybe you’re just self-destructive, who knows.
Either way, you got hurt.
Well, it’s time to put an end to that. Gut feelings are weird and unexplainable, but they are more correct than incorrect. That is because they are OUR intuition, not your friend’s, not your mother’s, not anyone’s. And listening to our intuition leads to less unhealthy relationships and situations.
One thing that could also help is getting to know yourself better, so you can explain your gut feeling better. Once you understand why you feel the way you do, you will take your own advice more often. And that will benefit you greatly.
7) Reevaluate your relationships
The next tip I have for you is that you need to reevaluate your current relationships. It’s very important to take a nice look at each relationship you have in your life and how it affects you.
If you do it carefully and in the right way, you’ll easily realize who the people who genuinely want you in their life are. And that’s how you’ll also figure out who are the ones you should distance yourself from. Not necessarily stop hanging out, but do it less often.
If you’re unsure how to do it and what reevaluation looks like I’m here to help you out. You see, all relationships are based on a two-way street. Both of you need to be happy, you need to learn from each other and be equal. In other words, all positive feelings should be mutual.
Of course, every relationship and friendship is different, and that’s because every single person in this world is unique. But the basics should always be the same. Respect, loyalty, love, and understanding are necessary for every successful friendship and romantic relationship.
Always keep in mind the quote: “Go where you’re celebrated, not merely tolerated.” And you’ll easily know who to choose.
To correctly evaluate your current relationships you should ask yourself questions like: Do I feel truly happy in their company? Do they value my efforts? How do they treat me? Do I feel relaxed around these people, or do I always feel on edge? Are they there for me when I need them?
If the answers are negative, then my advice for you is to think about changing those who are around you. In other words, try not to choose people who don’t choose you.
8) Don’t be a people-pleaser
This one is pretty straightforward: Your social circle will not be filled with people of high quality if you are a people-pleaser. It’s just not possible. Ask any psychologist and they will all tell you that the only types of people who attract narcissists are people-pleasers.
Do you want to be surrounded by narcissists? Of course not; no one does.
So, how do you stop being one? To start off, if you are unsure you want to do something for someone, don’t say ‘Yes!’ the second they finish the question. Take the time to think it through, and don’t be afraid to delay the answer if you still aren’t sure.
Another important aspect is unleashing your inner validation. There is no reason for you to think that other people’s needs are more valuable than yours because they’re not! It’s hard to say no when you have low self-esteem or a poor sense of self.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t be helpful, useful, and of use to your close ones. You should. But don’t go out of your way to satisfy the needs of others when there are much more important things you should be doing. You can’t please everyone, so don’t even try.
9) Learn how to have a good time on your own
We have all been there: You’re single for too long, so you start to get nervous and impatient. Your mental health deteriorates, and you are sure that the solution to that problem is finding a new partner, no matter how compatible he or she is.
That’s how we end up in toxic relationships. We lower our standards because we can’t live on our own. We’re dependent on other people for happiness.
The same thing can apply to us and the friendships we have. Sometimes the people we call our friends don’t deserve to be given that title. That’s why we need to learn how to make some positive changes in our lives.
It’s time to start working on ourselves! Try being with just yourself for one day. See what you like, get in touch with your emotions, reflect and meditate. Maybe the person you need to get to know is the one in the mirror.
The time you spend alone gives you a greater appreciation for yourself, so invest your energy into something that will contribute to your growth. Once you do that, you will have a much clearer picture of what you want in a partner or a friend and therefore you will choose more wisely.
A relationship or a new friendship will not bring a necessary change to your life if you still don’t know how to enjoy life on your own, while you’re waiting to find the right people.
“Choose people who choose you” quotes
If you need some more motivation before deciding what you want to do with your current friendships and relationships, I have something for you. These are some of the best quotes I managed to find that will help you realize the importance of choosing the right people in your life. Enjoy!
1) “There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you.” – Anonymous
2) “Choosing to associate with positive, optimistic people will accelerate our positive growth.” – Craig Benzine
3) “No one is always busy, it just depends on what number you are on their priority list.” – Anonymous
4) “You can’t force anyone to value, respect, understand, or support you. But you can choose to spend your time around the people who do.” – Lori Deschene
5) “It’s important to spend time with people who love and respect you, people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.” – Anonymous
6) “Choosing the right people to surround you, and letting go of the wrong ones, takes courage. Be courageous!” – Tony Curl
7) “Choose the one who chooses you in a room full of people, and not the one who wants you only when the room is empty.” – Sonia Sabnis
8) “Don’t choose someone if they have to think twice before choosing you.” – Anonymous
9) “If you want to be great and successful, choose people who are great and successful and walk side by side with them.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
10) “Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” – Anna Taylor
I know that change seems scary. And I understand if you need some time to decide what you want to do. But I just want to tell you that you only deserve what’s best for you. And people who should be your closest friends but who never put you first aren’t what you deserve.
You need to be next to the people who will show you every day that they are proud of having you in their lives. Those who will tell you that you brighten their days and make them better people. You need to spend time with the people who make you the happiest you’ve been and the ones who are always there.
Simply said, you need to choose the people who choose you. And that’s how you’ll finally get the chance to live your life to the fullest. Enjoy the beautiful things that are waiting for you!