My boyfriend never compliments me, what do I do?
Many people need affirmation in their relationship and compliments are a highly acceptable way to give affirmation and love to one’s partner.
At the beginning of a relationship, your partner might go out of his way to compliment you. He’ll do and say whatever comes to mind because he wants you to feel assured and loved.
A boyfriend can do so many things by just complimenting his girlfriend.
Let’s be honest, we thrive on words of affirmation. We love to know if we’re pretty enough, beautiful enough, smart enough.
That’s why we always ask our partners to tell us if something looks good on us or not – we’re trying to figure out if we gained or lost a few pounds and if they see us differently.
We want to know these things and no one is a better judge of it than our partner.
So what happens when your boyfriend stops complimenting you?
My ex-boyfriend never complimented me and it drove me crazy. More times than not, I actually questioned our relationship because of it.
That’s likely why you’ve been wondering what’s going on with your man as well. You want him to tell you that you’re good enough and that you’re loved, but he simply doesn’t seem to get the memo.
So what’s going on? What are the reasons for his behavior?
Your relationship started off strong and even though you might have had a few disagreements, you two still found a way to make things work out.
You’d listen, you’d talk things through, and you’d work hard to make everything better.
So is there an actual reason for his behavior?
The importance of compliments in a relationship
You tried to brush this issue aside, just like I did a long time ago. I tried to ignore the fact that my ex-boyfriend never complimented me.
I tried really hard to stop myself from nagging him about this issue, because I saw that it only took a toll on our relationship.
But there is an actual reason why compliments are important in a relationship.
We need to be reassured that our partner wants us just as much as we want them.
You might think that you seem desperate for wanting something like this from him, but it truly isn’t.
Everyone has their insecurities. Don’t think that your insecurities are silly, they’re totally valid.
They come from a long list of traumas that you’ve endured and seeking affirmation because of it really isn’t a bad thing.
Even if you try to fight against it, you still get extremely anxious when your partner doesn’t even try to compliment you.
When your boyfriend compliments you, it does make you feel much better about yourself.
It shuts up the demons that tell you you’re not good enough. He makes you feel safe and sound with just a few words.
That’s exactly why you shouldn’t feel bad about wanting to be complimented.
You have the right to ask for this sort of thing in a relationship!
11 possible reasons why your boyfriend never compliments you
Nothing has the power to brighten your day as much as the words of your partner. Especially those that are there to flatter you.
So what happens when those compliments are AWOL?
You don’t even want to think about what he’s thinking of you right now if he doesn’t even have the strength to compliment you properly.
There are actual reasons why your boyfriend never compliments you and we’re here to help you find out what’s going on with him.
1. He takes you for granted
When we obtain the person we’re attracted to, it’s like checking off something from your list.
Afterward, we forget to cherish what we have and we start to take the relationship for granted.
That might be exactly why your boyfriend never compliments you. H
e feels like he doesn’t have to do that anymore because he already obtained your heart.
Men forget to compliment us because they think that they might spoil us too much or that our egos will get too big.
So they simply forget to take care of our needs and don’t even think that there’s anything wrong with that.
While you always find a way to compliment him and make him feel special, he’s taking you for granted and doesn’t care that you’re hurting.
2. He’s too busy
It may be a stupid excuse, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s still valid.
In life, we can’t have one moment of peace. There’s always something we need to do, some new goal we have to achieve.
We don’t have time for the basic things, especially not if we’ve fallen into a constant spiral of productivity guilt.
And that can become an issue when you have a partner who needs words of affirmation to function properly in a relationship.
That said, there isn’t a person out there who’s too busy to compliment their girlfriend.
Your boyfriend never compliments you because he’s too busy to even send you a text message?
Well, damn girl, you might as well be the president’s wife, because there sure isn’t another man who’s that busy.
When you send him a picture of yourself while he’s at work and he doesn’t even say a thing, of course it’s going to hurt!
But he could be near the deadline of an important project and he truly doesn’t have time to pay attention to anything else.
3. He’s become more aware of your flaws
At the beginning of your relationship, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. He’d always heap praises on you.
But now your boyfriend never compliments you anymore and it’s downright baffling.
For example, you’ve certainly realized just how rarely he showers. At the beginning of the relationship, though, you didn’t even notice.
Or you might have gotten tired of his stupid jokes over time because he always says the same things.
You laugh at them and you don’t really bring up the fact that he doesn’t shower as often as you’d like, because you still love him.
However, it seems like he’s seeing your little flaws much more obviously now and he doesn’t feel like complimenting you anymore.
Are you leaving your things all around the house? Do you go to kiss him right after eating onions or garlic?
Do you wear something that he doesn’t like or put on too much makeup?
These things can set him off in the wrong way. Now he’s too focused on these things to compliment you anymore.
4. He’s become more critical of you
We know that criticizing someone while we’re still uncertain of their interest in us is an extremely bad move.
At that point, we still don’t know which things make them feel uncomfortable and what could end in a huge fight.
So we steer clear of criticizing our potential partner.
But now that he’s got you, he thinks that he has the right to criticize you more.
You feel like your boyfriend never compliments you, but you’re forever the object of criticism.
You’re hyper-aware that he’s doing it because negative feedback always hurts.
We pay more attention to negative criticism than we do to positive affirmations because we try so hard to impress our partner that it makes us very vulnerable.
Your boyfriend is too focused on your shortcomings to even realize the good things about you.
He can’t compliment you when he’s completely blind to how amazing you are.
5. You ignored his compliments in the past
Even if you didn’t mean to, you might have ignored his compliments to the point where he simply stopped giving you any.
When your partner is very giving and caring, you end up taking it for granted. So every time he compliments you, you react less and less.
So what happens afterward is that he simply gives up dishing out those honeyed words.
When I asked myself why my boyfriend never complimented me, this didn’t even cross my mind.
It seemed so bizarre – that the one thing that I craved the most was given to me before to the point where I started ignoring it.
You might want to think about this for a moment. How did you react when your boyfriend complimented you in the past?
Would you just smile at him? Did you ever return his compliments? Did you even thank him?
If you didn’t seem like you cared about the compliments he was giving you, he most likely stopped because of it.
He thought that his compliments didn’t mean anything to you, so he didn’t feel the need to continue.
6. He’s too shy
Even if you think that it’s impossible for your partner to be shy after all having dated for so long, you’re greatly mistaken.
When you first started going out, he’d always blush when you’d make eye contact and he’d look tortured when he had to compliment you.
He still did it so that you could feel comfortable and so you’d know how he actually feels. That doesn’t mean that he still isn’t shy about it.
Many men feel quite uncomfortable with giving compliments to others.
It doesn’t matter that you’ve probably tried everything to convince him that it’s okay and that you won’t ridicule him for it.
He might still be too insecure and anxious about it. So don’t be too mad when your boyfriend never compliments you. He’s probably doing his best.
7. He’s narcissistic
Have you ever dated someone who’s so full of himself that he doesn’t see the qualities of others at all?
Well, if you don’t think you have, you might want to take a look at your boyfriend right now.
Why would he want to compliment you when he isn’t able to spend a moment thinking of anything but himself.
You may just be dating a narcissistic boyfriend who never compliments you.
He’s probably always eager to soak up your flattery, while he, himself, can’t be bothered to give you the same treatment in return.
You’re smart enough to know that narcissists are dangerous. Even if he does compliment you sometimes, it’s usually a backhanded compliment.
And when you think that he’s being genuine, there’s an agenda behind it.
Don’t for a second think that you can be more important to a narcissist than he is to himself.
8. He has high standards
When your coworkers don’t compliment you for something you spent a lot of time on, they probably have much higher standards.
That’s exactly what could be happening to your boyfriend right now.
He doesn’t understand that you’re doing your best. He only knows that your best isn’t good enough for him.
Even if it does hurt you, he simply doesn’t know better because his standards are too high.
He might have had a girlfriend in the past who was so perfect in his opinion. In his eyes, you’re now nothing more than a shadow of her.
He can’t compliment you because you’re not her.
A man with high standards doesn’t understand effort and he certainly doesn’t understand your insecurities.
All he does understand is that something isn’t right and that you’re not good enough for him.
As heartbreaking as it is, it might also be the reason for your boyfriend never complimenting you.
9. He simply doesn’t care
Is he quick to dish out compliments to everyone around you but extremely stingy when it comes to complimenting you?
Sometimes people find a lot of meaning in complimenting others, so when they compliment them, it means the world.
You see him complimenting these people, but he still doesn’t spare you more than a glance at a time with absolutely no sweet talk.
Your boyfriend never compliments you because he couldn’t care less. He knows that it’s important to you because you told him so more than once.
But even though you tried talking to him about it, he still can’t be bothered to flatter you from time to time.
Even if he sees how gorgeous and smart you are or how much effort you put into the relationship, he still can’t say it aloud.
When he isn’t able to acknowledge the fact that you’ve gotten a haircut, that might be excusable.
But when he sees your accomplishments and doesn’t make an effort to congratulate you, that’s an issue.
He doesn’t even bother to thank you for the things you do for him. That’s a man who doesn’t care about you.
10. He wants to break up with you
If your boyfriend never gives you compliments, it may just be because he’s considering breaking up with you.
Are there any other changes in his behavior lately? Does he seem more aloof than usual?
He doesn’t give you more compliments because it just seems cruel.
Why would he compliment you when he wants to leave? It would just give you false hope.
He used to give you compliments on a daily basis because he wanted you to feel special with him.
He wanted to show you that he loves you more than anyone and anything in this world.
So now that he doesn’t compliment you anymore, you feel the emptiness where his affirmations used to be.
You might not want to believe this, but it surely can be one of the reasons why your boyfriend never compliments you.
Just a word of advice, though. Be sure to recognize other signs to be completely sure it’s true.
11. He shows his love in other ways
Not everyone expresses their love in the same way.
Sometimes people use actions more than words, while others rely solely on words to know that their partner loves them.
This is different for every individual. We all express our love through different love languages.
You might have heard of the five love languages: acts of service, words of affirmation, giving and receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
If your boyfriend expresses his love in a way that’s different than your love language, it might seem foreign to you.
You won’t understand each other because your languages aren’t the same.
For example, if your partner’s love language is acts of service, then he’ll make you coffee in the morning.
He’ll be the person to heat up your towels before you get out of the shower and he’ll cook for you.
Another example is if his love language is physical touch.
This doesn’t mean that he’s being inappropriate, it’ll just be obvious by the way he’s always searching for your hand or how he always leans his thighs against yours when you’re sitting near.
He’s always touching you in some sort of way.
And if his love language is quality time, he’d take you out on dates or spend one-on-one time with you at home where his entire focus is on you.
He listens to you; he’s talking with you.
You two need to spend a lot of quality time together in order for him to feel loved and appreciated.
Giving and receiving gifts seems self-explanatory. But don’t think that he’s greedy, it could be a lollypop and he’d still feel appreciated.
You seem like someone whose love language is words of affirmation and just because he doesn’t give that to you, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.
What do I do when my boyfriend never compliments me?
You want things to go back to the way they were when you were still dating. You want him to compliment you as he did before.
Your boyfriend never compliments you anymore and it’s driving you nuts.
Is there a way you can change this?
1. Compliment him first
You can’t expect him to compliment you without complimenting him first. As stated before, flattery is the quickest way to someone’s heart.
When you compliment him, he’ll be all the more happy and content with your relationship. He’ll feel safe enough to compliment you as well.
This will help especially if he’s shy. But it’ll also show him that you appreciate him, so he’ll be more inclined to show you affection as well.
2. Look for the ways he expresses his love
Do you know what his love language is? Do you know his authentic way of showing you his emotions?
Because if you don’t, then you might be misinterpreting his actions.
How does he express his love?
Does he always clean the house for you without being asked? Does he buy you sweet little gifts almost every day to surprise you?
You have to pay close attention to this so that you don’t offend him if you try to talk to him about it.
Maybe he feels just as unloved while you think that your boyfriend never compliments you.
You rarely buy him something even though gifts are his primary love language.
You need to pay attention to this because you might be overlooking every other sign that’s screaming he loves you.
3. Confront him about it
At the end of the day, the best thing you can do is talk to him about this issue. You’ve got nothing to lose.
If he’s been planning to break up with you soon, at least you were prepared for it.
You can start by sitting him down and asking what’s going on.
If you feel like this is a silly thing to be mad about, you need to know that your emotions are completely valid!
You have to be able to talk to him about all the things that make you question your relationship.
So sit him down and tell him everything that’s been on your mind recently. Tell him how you don’t feel loved anymore and ask him what’s going on.
If he starts saying that you’re the issue and not him, don’t lose your cool. Continue asking him questions.
Soon enough, you might realize that he’s just a narcissistic man who doesn’t deserve you at all.
Then again, your conversation might be fruitful and you may find a way to work through this issue together.
You really shouldn’t give up on your relationship because of this.
But if he refuses to change, you can either accept that he’s never going to acknowledge your efforts or you can leave him.
Even if you think that this issue isn’t worth breaking up over, you might want to rethink things.
He’s not making you feel loved because he’s never complimenting you and that is a valid argument.