When you feel that the pattern keeps repeating itself, you have to wonder whether there’s something wrong with you. Do you really prefer to go after toxic men or is it you who’s toxic?
I know that it’s hard to admit that you’re part of the problem. We all stand up for ourselves and blame others for any issues.
But sometimes, you have to be honest and admit your mistakes or you’ll never get out of the vicious circle.
So take a deep breath and let’s see whether you’re the toxic one in a relationship. The sooner you get to the bottom of the problem, the easier it will be to fix things up.
P.S. Be honest with yourself because that’s the only way you’ll be able to deal with the issue.
1. You feel the need to be controlling
Would you call yourself controlling? Do you always want things to be your way, no matter what?
If the answer to both is yes, then you’re on the road of toxicity.
It’s obvious that all of us would want to have things our way all the time but the main difference is in how manipulative we tend to be in order to do so.
A non-toxic person usually looks for a compromise because they know that they can’t always get things to go their way.
However, a toxic person will even use manipulation or controlling behavior if it means that they can get what they want.
If you’re a person who doesn’t care about your partner’s needs and always feels the need to be in control, then you should reconsider your behavior.
I must warn you that you may be somewhat toxic.
2. You don’t respect your partner’s privacy
It doesn’t seem to bother you that you creep on your partner’s phone, without asking him.
You just pick it up and go through his private messages, thinking that it’s perfectly fine.
If you have trust issues, this still isn’t acceptable.
So, instead of going through his things, start communicating your issues to him and try to come up with a better solution.
If there’s no other way to solve the problem, you can always visit a relationship counselor and let them help you look for a way out.
What you’re doing right now is toxic and controlling and can take you to a bad place.
3. You want to change your partner so he fits your desires
When you look at your partner, do you see things that you want to change about him?
Do you feel upset when he doesn’t follow your instructions and act the way you want him to?
If your answers are yes, then you may well be the toxic partner in this relationship.
It’s one thing to give your partner advice that can help them become a better person; that’s called loving and caring.
But to expect them to do what you tell them to and change their behavior so it fits your desires – that’s called controlling them and being toxic.
If you approach your partner with a wish to change him, then you don’t feel love for him; you simply want to be the one in control.
4. Your needs are more important than his
Do you listen to your partner’s needs? Do you try to be a reasonable girlfriend who puts his partner as a priority?
If you act the opposite, thinking only of yourself, then you may be a toxic partner in your relationship.
Your other half probably feels ignored because you always do things the way you want, so whatever you want, you get.
The worst part is that you don’t seem to notice an issue with your behavior.
Until you realize the way you’re treating your loved one, you won’t be able to change and your partner will always feel like he has to sacrifice his needs and wishes for yours.
And that’s not how a healthy relationship should work.
5. You invalidate your partner’s emotions
Whenever your partner tells you how he’s feeling, you invalidate his emotions.
You ignore his words or even comment on how you don’t understand why he feels that way.
But what you don’t understand is that this behavior is actually a way of gaslighting him.
Instead of accepting your partner’s feelings and looking for the right way to respond to them, you ignore them and criticize him.
If you’re tired of being toxic and dealing with failed relationships over and over again, then you need to change.
Understand that your partner has every right to feel the way he does.
You can’t expect him to ignore his emotions just because you don’t think they’re acceptable.
6. You leave the room after a fight
Are you the one who leaves the room after every fight? You just get out, without letting your partner finish what he was saying.
Do you think that this is acceptable and looks like something people do in healthy relationships?
You must know that sweeping things under the rug and ignoring your partner in the middle of an argument just because things aren’t going the way you want is toxic and is you undermining him.
You’re not giving him a chance to express his thoughts when you leave in the middle of a fight.
It’s clear that you want him to chase after you and beg you to listen to him, which is more proof that you’re the toxic one.
I’m sorry for telling you this, but you need to do something if you don’t want to be stuck in failed relationships for the rest of your life.
7. You emotionally neglect your partner
When was the last time you told your partner that you love him, that he’s an amazing person, or that you’re there for him when he needs you?
When was the last time you showed him affection?
If you can’t even remember when, you’re more than likely the toxic one in the relationship.
You’re not giving your partner the things he needs to hear from you.
You can’t expect him to be the one who’s only giving love and affection, without receiving anything in return.
What you don’t understand is that you’re emotionally neglecting your partner and you’re playing with his feelings.
This form of manipulation doesn’t belong in a healthy relationship.
If you found yourself in any of the above-given ways of behavior, I suggest looking for a way to make a change.
Once you understand where lies the issue, you can work on finding a solution.