Dating is easier said than done. You go out of your way to impress a woman you just met. You whip out your best jokes and spend half of your paycheck on flowers. But all your efforts go to waste because she spends most of the night talking about her ex. Could she be an alpha widow?
It’s so easy to ignore all the red flags and find excuses for her behavior. She isn’t the first woman to talk about her past.
Maybe she’s trying to be transparent with you and doesn’t want to hide the fact she’s still thinking about her ex. There’s nothing wrong with trying to move on, right?
Plan your next move carefully. Don’t take her out on another date unless you’re absolutely positive you can deal with her emotional baggage. Before you make any decisions, try recalling some of the things that went down during your first rendezvous.
Was she talking about her ex while simultaneously comparing you to him? For example, “You know, my ex used to take me to this Italian restaurant downtown. Their creamy Tuscan chicken was so much better than this one!” Not the dinner conversation you were hoping for!
Did she mention the fact that she hasn’t been in a committed relationship ever since she broke up with her ex? “I haven’t been able to find anyone who can satisfy all my needs. My ex was the full package. Too bad it didn’t work out.” Need I say more?
I’m going to be straightforward with you. All signs lead to the possibility you might have crossed paths with an alpha widow. If you really like this woman, you’ll need to gather all your strength to deal with her gigantic emotional baggage.
What is an alpha widow?
First things first, an alpha widow isn’t an actual widow. It’s a term used to describe a woman who’s had a relationship with an alpha man at some point in her life.
This relationship rocked her world to such an extent that she’s no longer able to commit emotionally or physically to anyone else.
So, what makes an alpha man so special? An alpha man is the embodiment of everything a woman needs. Insanely good looks, an impressive bank account, just the right amount of confidence and charm – he’s got it all.
Most importantly, he knows how to get any woman to fall head over heels for him. He knows how to treat her, push the right buttons, and shower her with emotional, mental, and physical pleasure. Basically, he’s the type of man even your male friends can’t stop talking about.
Any woman who has had an alpha male in her life walks around with higher standards, unable to find anyone else who can fulfill her needs the same way he did. An alpha widow is bound to spend her life alone, aimlessly searching for another glimpse of true happiness.
So, how can you be sure if you’ve encountered an alpha widow? Luckily for you, certain behavioral patterns give her secret away immediately.
8 signs you’re dealing with an alpha widow
I understand your struggle – dating an alpha widow might sound like a lost battle. You don’t want to compete with this idea of the perfect man she created in her head. Her alpha man might have been handsome and rich, but there’s no way she didn’t exaggerate all his virtues.
Let’s be clear on one thing, though – you shouldn’t be scared of dating an alpha widow. She’s just an ordinary woman who was in a relationship that’s now made her emotionally unavailable. She might surprise you and make an effort to process and heal with you by her side.
On the other hand, dating an alpha widow without knowing about her past might become emotionally and physically draining. She’s often completely unaware of her trauma – if you don’t watch it, she might drag you down, wreck your confidence, and leave you regretting the day you crossed paths with her.
If you’re still not sure how to recognize whether the woman you’re currently dating falls into this category, there are certain behaviors you can keep an eye out for. Here’s a list of clear signs you’re dealing with an alpha widow.
1. She always talks about her ex
An alpha widow is still emotionally attached to her previous relationship. She might be on a date with you, but she’s constantly reminded of him as if she’s reliving their memories.
You shouldn’t be surprised if she comments on different restaurants they used to go to or delicious meals they used to share.
I get this is anything but a pleasant experience. You don’t want your date comparing you with anyone else. The best-case scenario would be for her to focus on enjoying her time with you, take notice of the amazing chemistry you share, and come to the conclusion that she’s better off without her ex.
However, you can’t expect such emotionally mature behavior from an alpha widow. She’s not even aware that she’s overstepping the boundaries most of the time. Her past relationship left her emotionally unavailable and she doesn’t realize she’s using you to keep herself entertained.
Now, you don’t want to end up in a relationship with her AND her ex. If you find yourself in a predicament with an alpha widow, consider stepping away and letting her decide what she wants to do. Be prepared to offer her a safe space where she can heal and learn from her past experiences.
2. She doesn’t talk about her ex at all
This is the polar opposite situation to the one we just discussed. There are instances in which past relationships affect an alpha widow to such an extent that she prefers to act as if they never happened. Don’t let her mysterious aura fool you!
Unfortunately for you, it’s much better if she can’t shut up about the amazing time they had together. This implies they had a healthy relationship that ended because both of them decided to part ways. The main reason she’s so broken up about it is that she misses the connection they used to share.
So, what does it mean when she doesn’t want to mention his name? She wants to forget everything about this relationship because it was so unhealthy and toxic. Chances are it ended in someone getting their heart broken (that someone was probably her).
She lost all her confidence because of this relationship so now she feels she isn’t worthy of anyone’s attention. She’s closed herself off to every other man that ever tries to conquer her heart.
Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about her past because she’s trying to forget the person she used to be.
3. She’s still in touch with her ex
There’s nothing wrong with staying in contact with your ex. If the relationship didn’t end on bad terms, you might want to check on each other from time to time, or even catch up with your old friend group. Spending alone time with your ex, on the other hand, is completely unnecessary – and unhealthy!
Some alpha widows will find any excuse to contact their ex, drop by his place, or even go on a coffee date with him. They might justify their behavior by saying there’s nothing going on between them – just two friends meeting for coffee discussing some future business endeavors. Yeah, right!
Don’t buy into this story. Being in a relationship with an alpha man doesn’t leave the same consequences as being in a relationship with Mark Zuckerberg. If she’s spending time with THE man who turned her life upside-down, chances are she’ll quickly fall back into the same old routine.
Here’s the catch. You have no idea whether he feels the same way about her.
It’s highly unlikely for an alpha man to fall in love and become attached to one woman. They’re usually free-spirited and despise those well-known constraints of commitment.
4. She constantly compares you to him
This is one of the most prominent signs you’re dating an alpha widow. She’s never satisfied with anything you do because her alpha man did it better. Basically, she’s just looking for a suitable replacement for him.
Unfortunately for you, filling the shoes of an alpha man is practically impossible. He did everything right – he knew exactly what she wanted without asking, he showered her with gifts even when it wasn’t Valentine’s day, and he was able to satisfy her emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Comparison is the thief of joy – what better way to kill the mood than to compare you with her ex? You have to be careful if you’re planning on fighting for this woman. She’ll make you feel bad about yourself, crush your confidence, and potentially change you into someone you’re not.
That being said, you can always try focusing on yourself while waiting for her to make up her mind. She created this idea of a perfect man in her head solely based on the way her alpha man treated her.
Show her something different, be better than the competition, and she might fall for you in the end.
5. She’s hard to please
An alpha widow is extremely hard to please in every single way -– emotionally, mentally, and physically. She had an amazing experience with her alpha man, so now she expects everyone else to live up to her expectations. Unfortunately for you, she’s very vocal about how unsatisfied she is.
She might say something along the lines of “I’m bored. We never do anything interesting,” or “Why did you make coffee? You know I hate the way you make it!” No matter what you do, she seems to have an opinion about it. And it’s usually negative!
She can’t get used to the fact that people do things differently. She might be broken up with her alpha man, but she still expects to be treated the same way by any other man who enters her life. She’s looking for a carbon copy of him.
If you’re not bothered by her comments, you can try showing her a different side of things. She’s probably going to be reluctant at first, but you should insist on doing things your way. Show her your coffee is just as good as his, your dates are more exciting, and your flowers smell better!
6. She’s emotionally unavailable
An alpha widow holds attachment to her ex for a really long time. She doesn’t know how to get rid of that constant feeling she’s missing out on the opportunity of getting back together with him if she’s dating someone new.
You shouldn’t be surprised if she seems distant, avoids talking about her feelings, and even rejects any sort of physical interaction. She might justify her behavior by saying she’s going through something, or she needs a little bit of space to figure out what she wants.
That’s actually a great idea. If the woman you’re pursuing doesn’t seem emotionally and physically engaged in your relationship, you should distance yourself. Give her a chance to think things over and come to the conclusion that she either wants or doesn’t want to be with you.
If you’re looking to start a serious relationship with an alpha widow, make sure to come prepared. You have to be incredibly understanding and patient, and give her enough time to heal from her previous relationship. Show her she can be happy without dating an alpha man!
Pursuing an alpha widow
Dealing with an alpha widow might sound scary, but you shouldn’t cross her off your list just yet. She’s just an ordinary woman having a hard time dealing with her past. She certainly isn’t the only one struggling to move on with her life after being dumped by a man of her dreams.
Let’s have some compassion. An alpha widow can be a true diamond in the rough once you get to know her better. You might be missing out on dating an incredible woman because of your fears of competing with an alpha man. Are you scared of losing?
You clearly sparked her interest. She agreed to go out on a date with you, laughed at your silly jokes, and had a wonderful time. She might be confused about her feelings because of her turbulent past, but she’s definitely into the idea of getting to know you better. Here’s what you should do.
1. Be patient with her
Moving on after a relationship with an alpha man is difficult. He clearly left quite an impact on her life and she’s going to need some time to process her emotions. Don’t rush her into doing anything she doesn’t want to do.
Everyone deals with loss differently. Chances are she feels as if she lost the only man who truly understood her, who was willing to move mountains for her. She doesn’t want to hear about the other fish in the sea right now. She wants that one alpha fish!
So, the only thing you can do is wait. Be patient with her emotional outbursts, don’t take anything she says personally, and try your best to be her shoulder to cry on. All she needs is time, so don’t try to act smart and mansplain the situation to her.
2. Don’t treat her the same way he did
Here’s where a lot of men go wrong. It’s true that your alpha widow is pining over someone who seems to be the epitome of perfection. She can’t stop talking about him, comparing the two of you, and always coming to the same conclusion – he’s so much better than you.
Most men would fall into this trap. They’d continue competing with this projection of a Greek god, trying their best to learn all his tips and tricks, and failing miserably every single time. Try comparing an original Gucci bag with its cheap copy – the original always wins!
However, an original Louis Vuitton bag can be put on the same pedestal as a Gucci one. Let’s say it together – original always wins! You shouldn’t try to change yourself to become more like your alpha widow’s ex. You can never be like him, but you can certainly be better in your own way.
There’s a whole new world of possibilities. Take her to places she’s never seen, arrange activities she’s never done, and show her a completely different side of dating someone who isn’t an alpha man. She’ll be in your arms before you know it!
3. Know when to give up
Some relationships are simply not meant to be. You shouldn’t go out of your way to entertain someone who doesn’t share your feelings. We always mention the fact that women should set some boundaries before entering a new relationship, but men should do the same.
If she’s still comparing you to her ex, keeping in touch with him, and making you feel like you’re not good enough, you should give up. She’s not ready to move on from her past relationship, and she’s not giving you the respect you deserve.
You can always sit down and have a serious conversation with her. Don’t hold back, share everything that’s on your mind and ask her to make the final decision. The two of you can have a healthy relationship if she’s willing to let go of her past.
A happy ending with an alpha widow
You can have a healthy, loving, and committed relationship with anyone if they’re willing to do a little bit of work. An alpha widow might be a tough cookie to crack, but once you get her to trust you, she’ll become one of the most loyal people in your life.
If you’re planning on spending the rest of your life with an alpha widow, you have to stop calling her that. She’s simply a woman who’s having a difficult time dealing with her past. There are a couple of things she could do to improve her emotional and mental well-being.
She should give herself enough time to process and heal. She made the mistake of putting her alpha man on a pedestal during and after their breakup. Being with someone new should help her realize there are many other men capable of treating her like a princess.
She should stop comparing her ex with every single man in her life. Her recovery will be quicker once she realizes there’s beauty in imperfection. There isn’t only one way of doing things and she shouldn’t waste her energy criticizing people around her. If all else fails, there’s always therapy!
There’s no reason a relationship with an alpha widow shouldn’t work out. Don’t ever let your past trauma stop you from meeting new people, falling in love, and forming connections that will last a lifetime. If you’re thinking of pursuing this tough cookie, go for it!
Final thoughts
If this is your first time hearing about alpha widows, you might be taken aback by the amount of information you uncovered. And don’t worry, we’re not talking about mythical creatures, mermaids, or vampires.
In fact, the term alpha widow is quite an insensitive way of describing a woman trying to deal with the pain of losing someone she really loved. This is one of those annoying situations where women are blatantly blamed and ridiculed for something they have no power over.
An alpha widow is just like any other woman – yearning for love and affection from someone she can truly trust. There’s no excuse for her behavior towards other men, but we shouldn’t go as far as to expel her from society. If you can’t offer her love, you can at least offer her understanding.
If you happen to fall in love with an alpha widow, don’t let anyone intimidate you with their horror stories. Be the bigger man, show her a different side of love, and observe her slowly fall in love with you. Once she opens up to you, you’ll see the true beauty of a woman’s heart!
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