At first, it may sound a little bit conceited, but hear me out! You may even relate to this, once you understand what I mean by this.
People tend to say that there’s a spiritual reason why exes come back. They associate it with the law of attraction, saying that once you start thinking about them, they’ll find a way back into your life.
I don’t think that’s accurate in my case. Of course, after a breakup, I would spend some time mourning the loss of the love we had, but I wouldn’t stay like that for long.
Maybe it’s not healthy to do this, but more common than not, I’d do anything to simply muffle out the emotions and sobbing. It was easier to drown in work and creative outlets than to spend my days crying over a man.
So, that’s not it, but at one point I did look back at my failed relationships and realized that every single ex came back to ask for forgiveness. At least once.
It would either be because they made a mistake or they wanted a second chance. It didn’t matter if I left them or if they left me, the outcome was the same. For a moment in their weakness, they would reach out and ask for one more date, one more conversation, one more chance.
Do you understand now what I mean by this? I believe that every woman has gone through this.
You were probably in a relationship with someone who made the decision to cheat on you and show you that he simply didn’t care about you. You were heartbroken while he seemed so extraordinarily happy with his new woman.
Low and behold! Months or maybe even years pass and he’s back in your DMs or even on your doorstep, telling you that he’s never stopped thinking about you.
You’re obviously not the problem. You spent so much time belittling yourself and thinking that you weren’t lovable enough. You’d say the meanest things to yourself while looking in the mirror.
I mean, he did cheat on you, so your brain made up the only logical excuse at the time – that you weren’t attractive enough.
Sickening, isn’t it?
You truly did think that you were the problem while he was contemplating the decisions he made in his life. Now is the perfect time to take all those awful things you said to yourself back and apologize to yourself.
In my experience, it didn’t matter who uttered the parting words – the guy would always fold and come back to me. Does it sound a little bit narcissistic? Perhaps. But it’s also true.
So, what can we learn from this?
People make mistakes that they’re not capable of understanding at that particular moment in time. This, in turn, means that they choose instant gratification over long-term happiness.
Of course, I’m not generalizing men here. What’s brought me here is my inability to recognize red flags and listen to my friends when they tell me someone is bad for me.
But I can imagine that you’re the same as well. You see someone wounded and you truly do believe that they can change if you give them enough love and affection. Once they start to show you how hard that job is, you believe that you’re the bad guy for “giving up” up on them.
What was the point of this again? Oh, yeah!
Maybe you were his saving grace at one point. You built his confidence, affirmed that he’s enough, and also taught him that life isn’t that miserable when you’re surrounded by people who are ready to listen to him.
Once he realized that he can’t get that anywhere, he picked up his keys and jumped into his car. Your address was the only thing on his mind.
You showed him that love doesn’t have to hurt and that you’d be by his side through thick and thin. He was the one to abandon you and show you that you were better off without him!
Even if you were the one to break up with him, you only did it after months of trying to rationalize his behavior. You truly wanted to believe that he could change and that you could make this work.
But enough was enough, so you packed your things and left. I can only congratulate you on that because it means that you chose yourself over some rusty guy.
He didn’t take that well (obviously).
Now you’re stuck with the long list of exes who came back to you after the breakup. It’s actually rather overwhelming when you come to this realization because it lifts a huge burden off of your shoulders.
It reminds you that you did what you could to be a good girlfriend. It gives you the reassurance that your exes felt your love and dedication during the relationship. Along with that, it was their loss and not yours.
I know that it’s hard. You look into his eyes and see all those beautiful moments that you experienced together, all of your emotions come back in flashes. Nonetheless, this is not the moment to believe his words.
He showed you, more than once, that he wasn’t worthy of you. If anything, your breakup was proof enough that one of you chose a life without the other one in it for a reason. Your gut is telling you the exact same thing, aren’t I right?
So, even if all of your exes come back, just remember that they’re exes for a reason. Don’t give them a second chance, even if your love is still there. Your relationship failed and there’s nothing more to look for in those ruins.
Maybe this is hard to hear, but it’s also comforting to know that it wasn’t your fault. Just close the door, turn your back to it, and walk away one last time.