February 18th, 2022
“Alexa, set a reminder to block him tomorrow at 7:30 PM.”
We met at 7:30 PM that rainy night, so let it be that time. I’ve known I had to do this for a long time, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I already lost everything that we had, but I feel like blocking you will erase you from my life forever.
Tonight was supposed to be the night I’d do it, but I can’t. I want one more night. One more night that will let me look at your photos and remember all the happy memories we made together.
I know that there were many problems in our relationship. We broke up, so there must have been. But I just can’t seem to recall any of them.
Sometimes I lie in bed thinking how it’s possible that I don’t remember any fight we had. But I do remember every compliment you ever gave me, every little surprise, and the road trips we adored. All the jokes you made when I was grumpy, or the snacks you’d buy to cheer me up when I had a tough day.
Blocking you will probably help me forget these things. Maybe I’ll finally move on?! But how will I know whether you’re okay or not? What if you post some kind of a message for me, but I won’t be able to see it? Maybe I shouldn’t block your profiles. Just in case one day you really need to contact me.
I would never forgive myself if you needed my help, but couldn’t reach me because I clicked “Block this profile.” If you got hurt or failed at something I could’ve helped with. Why would I risk that?
Of course, I still care about the person I spent three years with. Maybe it’s best I leave the profile unblocked just in case of emergency.
Yes! I’ll leave everything as is. But that’s only because I want to be available if you really need me for something. That’s the only reason I’m doing this… Right?
“Alexa, delete the reminder.”
May 19th, 2022
This time it’s for real, I swear!
“Alexa set a reminder to block him today at 7:30 PM.”
Okay, I really have to do it. It’s been three months since the last time I tried… and failed. But today is a great day for a change! I finished my last exam ever. That’s it. I have a degree now, soon I’ll have a job, and I only need to get one more thing – freedom.
And how will I get it? By finally letting you go. And how will that happen? By clicking on one thing I’ve been trying to click on for 90 days. It shouldn’t be so scary, it just says “Block this profile,” but I swear, it looks so frightening.
But today is the day that will change my life. I’ll finally set myself free, and give myself the chance to enjoy life again. If nothing, I will have more free time. Because I spend at least an hour each day checking your profiles and “last seen” information. Yes, that’s right, today at 7:30 PM, my life will change forever.
I gave you 90 days for emergency calls, but you obviously didn’t need me. And yeah, I’m happy that I know you’re doing fine. But it also saddens me a bit because it shows me you don’t need me anymore. Or maybe you do, but you were too scared to contact me?!
Oh, how stupid was I to assume that you didn’t think to call me when you needed my help? You were definitely just embarrassed and didn’t know whether I wanted to help or not. I do! Of course, I do!
So how could I block you now? That would just mean that I don’t want to be there for you if you really need me for something. And that’s not true. You should never think that way! But you probably will if I block you.
Okay, I’ll give you some more time. But I’m only doing this for you! Because I want you to be safe and happy. In case you need me for something, I’ll leave you the opportunity to reach me. That’s what you’d like, right?
“Alexa, delete the reminder.”
June 24th, 2022
“Alexa, set a reminder to block him today at 2:30 PM.”
That’s the time we broke up. And it will be the time I’ll finally let you go. I thought I’d give you 127 days to contact me if you needed me. But I actually gave myself those days because I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t say goodbye to you and leave all the good times behind.
Now I’ve finally realized that it’s the right thing to do. If we were meant for each other, we would have resolved our problems. We tried so many times but it just didn’t work out. And it’s fine, some relationships are just destined to fail. Ours definitely was.
Of course, it’s sad and I wanted to keep you so bad. I checked your accounts every day, hoping to find some hidden message posted just for me. But I never found it. Not because I wasn’t able to recognize it, but because you never posted it. And I get it, you moved on and I stayed stuck in the past.
I hoped that one day I’d wake up and see your name on my phone screen again. But that never happened. I hoped that I’d get the chance to be your favorite person again. But that will never happen. And that’s because I’m finally ready to let you go.
This time I won’t lie to myself that I’m giving you some time when I’m actually doing it for my sake. This time, I’ll use all my strength and finally click “Block this profile.” Then when it asks me whether I’m sure or not, I’ll click “I’m sure” even though it’s the toughest choice ever.
I’m letting you go, and I’m letting myself heal.