You’re cautious when dating because you’ve been hurt so many times. You don’t want to fall into the hands of another player who only sees you as a toy he can play games with.
That’s why you’re so slow to trust a man and even when you do, you feel like he’s going to hurt you at any given minute. Is there any advice for a heartbroken woman like yourself? You’d probably love to get back out there and date again.
But somehow your past is following you on every new date. Whenever someone sends a message or two, you feel panicked and inferior.
For women like you, there’s help out there! There are tips and tricks that you can use while dating that will make the whole experience much more enjoyable.
It may even lead you into the arms of the love of your life.
1. Be open and vulnerable
It’s not easy to dump all of your emotional baggage on someone. You shouldn’t just tell someone everything that’s on your mind the very first time you meet them.
However, when you meet a guy, you should definitely be open about the way you feel. By being vulnerable, you’re actually making sure that he understands that this won’t be an easy process. You need him to understand that you’ll need more time than the average woman to trust him or to fall in love with him.
This is a great way to eliminate the apathetic men who don’t understand where you’re coming from. You’ll be able to see how he reacts to your vulnerability.
If he understands you, then you can start trying to trust him more. But if he just brushes your concerns aside, he’s simply too selfish to understand you in the first place.
2. Take things slowly
You don’t have to rush into anything. Most people these days expect you to fall in love or start a relationship in a matter of a few months. But you don’t have to do that. There’s no timeline you have to follow. Just because people are able to follow through with things right away, doesn’t mean that you have to do the same thing.
Take things slowly.
You don’t have to introduce him to your parents if you’re anxious about it. You don’t even have to make things official before you’re completely certain that this is the man you want.
No one can make you do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with. You’re the only person whose opinion should matter. If he’s the type of guy who makes sure that you feel loved and accepted, he’ll understand why you need this time to adapt.
Your heart has been broken too many times! Of course, you need to trust that it won’t happen again, especially not because it would make you doubt that love even exists. You’d lose all hope that love is real.
No one would want that! So take things slowly, don’t rush into anything just because you feel pressured by this man or by your friends and family. You have to make this decision for yourself in order to heal properly and then start a healthy relationship.
3. Take some time to reflect on everything
This goes alongside what I’ve said before. When you don’t rush into things, you have enough time to reflect on everything.
You’ll allow yourself the time to think about how your previous relationships are affecting your current one. When you’re dating someone new, you can then see how you’re bringing your past experiences into your present.
If you look closer, you can see all those times you became the toxic and manipulative one in order to be more understood and get more out of your partner. This isn’t to say that you’re not to blame for this behavior, but somehow you should understand why you’re doing this.
That’s why you need the time to reflect on your own actions. You should be able to think things through and become clear about what you think are your flaws.
It’s extremely hard to just ignore the patterns you’ve created in the past.
4. Pay attention to the red flags
Don’t just ignore red flags out of fear of being alone. You’re better off alone than with someone who’s only going to deepen your wounds. Make sure to always pay attention to red flags.
I understand that in the honeymoon stage you tend to ignore red flags because you’re so mesmerized by the person and the attention you’re getting. But don’t let that get to your head.
Realize the first signs of narcissistic abuse. Be aware of gaslighting and manipulation. At this point, you can’t tell me that you’re not able to recognize them.
5. Be ready for the risk
At the end of the day, you can’t be in a happy relationship if you don’t decide to risk it. You need to be ready to risk getting hurt in order to see if this person is actually the right one for you.
Sure, you can stay in your comfort zone forever, but you’ll never be happy like that. When things get hard, you’ll feel anxious and panicky. What you do need to know is that it’s completely normal after so much hurt and pain.
But don’t let those negative emotions harm you to the point where you completely isolate yourself from everyone and everything. Take the plunge. It might be worth it.
6. Don’t compare him to your ex
I know that it’s not as easy as it sounds. When you’re looking for advice on dating, you’re not really expecting something like this. But this is extremely important.
We’re all individuals with our own unique wants and needs. Because of that, you can’t think that, just because he’s a man, he has the same traits as your ex. Or if they have a few things in common, don’t let yourself believe that he’ll hurt you just as bad.
As stated before, you need to take that risk. That also means that you have to slowly but surely let go of the past.
By comparing the man you’re currently dating with your ex, you’re always re-visiting the past and re-opening your old wounds.
7. Be patient with yourself
It doesn’t matter if you decide to date right away or if give yourself time first before getting out there again, you have to be patient with yourself. You can’t just change everything overnight.
Understand your own emotions. Realize that they’re completely valid and that you need to acknowledge them as such.
If you end up having a full-blown panic attack out of fear, find a way to calm yourself down and give yourself the needed time to heal before you move on. You have to be gentle with yourself.
Don’t be harsh on yourself just because everyone else is harsh on you. You will find the love of your life if you’re gentle enough.