All we’ve ever heard about relationships is that they’re tough and require a lot of work. And when you listen to the same thing over and over again, you start to believe that it’s actually true.
Then you shape your life around it and convince yourself that you and your partner should be having a hard time.
Because if it’s true love, you’ll fight for it. If it’s meant to be, you won’t let any disagreements or arguments destroy what the two of you have.
At least that’s what we’ve been told our whole lives. But after talking to my friends who all got tired of these constant struggles to make their relationships swim and not sink, I realized one thing.
All those people who said that relationships are hard and that they require a lot of work were stuck in unbalanced relationships. They were the ones who were trying to make everything run smoothly while their partners didn’t care much.
And that’s when it hit me.
There wouldn’t be any tough relationships if both partners would be willing to compromise. There wouldn’t be any difficulties in finding common ground if both partners would be willing to make sacrifices.
But when one person is trying to do all of the work, it’s obvious why we came up with the idea that relationships are hard.
We had to find a reason for all of the work we’d been doing and what else could unbalanced relationships be than difficult.
However, the problem arose when we applied this rule to describe every single relationship.
Your partner is cheating on you? Well, relationships are tough and you have to overcome obstacles.
Does your partner ignore you? Well, life is hard and you have to fight for his attention.
I’m sure that nothing would be that hard if we were to change this idea about what relationships should look like.
Think about it like this.
Your relationship is a type of work project. Once you figure out your goal for it, the next thing you do is divide it into parts and each part becomes the responsibility of one person.
After everyone’s done with the work they need to do, you put everything together and get a perfectly finished project that required an equal amount of work.
If you were to assign all of the work that needed to be done to just one person, that person would be facing many difficulties.
First of all, it’s almost impossible for one person to do all of the work in a certain amount of time and to expect an impressive level of quality. That’s not something achievable with this kind of task distribution.
Then, the person who needs to do all of the work will end up exhausted and unhappy with the project in general.
There will always be that feeling that they were supposed to do everything, while their partner stood on the sidelines and just observed.
In the end, once the project is seen as a success, all the ‘co-workers’ take an equal amount of credit, even though one person did all of the work. And the same applies to relationships.
When one person is trying to make their partner happy, doing everything it takes to make the relationship work, it doesn’t come as a surprise that they feel the burden of their actions.
They were the one who struggled this whole time while their partner stood by and waited for them to do all of the work. After that, their relationship looked something like this…
There’s one unhappy partner who’s been struggling to make the situation better and one who has no certain feelings about it because they didn’t do anything in particular.
You can’t expect one person to care about the other, love them with their whole heart, and make compromises for them if the other isn’t willing to do the same thing for them.
You can’t expect your partner to always be there for you when you’re not doing the same for them – or vice versa.
Otherwise, they’ll reach a point where they won’t be able to take it anymore. The one doing all the work will be done with the relationship because they’re the only one who’s been working on it.
That’s why a relationship is tough when only one person is doing all of the work. When one partner is trying to create this perfect environment for growth, while the other one stands aside.
Do you know how much it hurts when you give everything to one person and you get nothing in return? When all of your time and energy are ignored because apparently, you’re supposed to fight for someone you love?
Let me tell you.
If you feel that you have to work hard for it then it’s not love. If you continue fighting for your partner while they would never fight for you, then it’s not love.
It’s not a real relationship if both of you aren’t equal partners, as equal as each other.
A woman doesn’t stay in a relationship when she doesn’t have a reason to. She can’t fight for him forever and even if she loves him with her whole heart, she won’t be able to carry both his and her own burdens.
So, let’s change this unrealistic idea about love and relationships that we’ve created. Let’s open the eyes of the people who keep fighting for their partner while the other person does nothing.
The only time a relationship is tough is when only one person is working on it, when only one person is fighting for love.
However, if we all learn to be more caring about our partner, if we learn to compromise and put in the same amount of effort that we expect to take, the world will be a better place.
Let’s make it obvious that there are two people in a relationship. In order for it to work, both of them need to give themselves fully to it.
That’s the only thing that can save us from this wrong belief that relationships are tough. Because truth be told, a relationship can be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
It can change your life for the better and make you realize how much you’ve been missing out on. But it’s only like that when both partners fight for it.