A Letter To The Man Who Told Me I Was Too Much

I still can’t forget your words. I’ve kept them in my heart like talismans of luck.

But they’ve only brought bad luck and that was the problem.

Is there even a point in me again repeating how much I loved you?

You already knew that, but it wasn’t a good enough reason to make you stay.

I could have begged for your attention, but that wouldn’t have made any difference. You still wouldn’t have seen all the beauty and love hidden inside of me.

I remember clearly the day you told me those words, “You’re too much. I can’t handle it.”

They resounded in my head like a loud bell that just couldn’t stop ringing. “Too much,” I repeated to myself.

“What does that even mean? How can a person be too much?”

Those words still haven’t escaped my mind and there hasn’t been a day where I haven’t thought about them.

I guess that I was too much because I cared for you. Day after day, I tried to make you happy even when my world was falling apart.

I always made sure to wish you a good night and to start your day with a good morning so you’d know that you were loved.

Maybe that’s what you call too much.

Perhaps I was too much because I paid attention to everything you said.

I never left your words unheard, as I tried to understand everything that came out of your mouth.

I gave you support whenever you needed it because it was the only logical thing to do.

Relationships are about caring and support, right? (I suppose they aren’t in your world.)

Maybe I was too much because I wanted to have healthy communication with you.

I shared my problems with you and expected you to do the same thing with me.

Support? I always gave you that, but maybe you didn’t like it. Maybe that’s not what you wanted in a relationship.

I gave you everything I wanted to get from a relationship, but I guess you saw it as too much.

After you left me, I spent months thinking about you. It’s true, I can’t lie.

I thought about your words. I couldn’t get them out of my head, no matter how hard I tried.

Every time some guy tried to approach me and start something with me, I ran away. I felt like a ticking bomb ready to explode at any second.

“Don’t come close to me. You’ll realize that I am too much and you’ll leave me.”

I did this for some time, until I realized it wasn’t my fault.

It wasn’t me who was too much. It was you who couldn’t handle me and that was your problem.

Your words made me insecure until I realized that it was you who was the main part of the issue.

I shouldn’t have ever blamed myself because you were the one who was wrong for me.

Thinking about your words made me realize that you eventually had to walk away, as you weren’t the one for me.

Your goodbye was a positive thing. It helped me move on and get one step closer to my destined goal.

I must admit, the world did stop for a second when you left, but later – once I realized it could bring me more good than bad – I pushed myself forward and everything felt right.

So, now, I just want to tell you that I wasn’t too much. I’m just enough for someone who’s meant for me.

That person will see everything I have to offer and appreciate me for all of it. He will see my efforts and love how supportive I am.

That’s something you couldn’t do, so you decided to blame it all on me.

Because of you, I finally know that I’m not made for half-love (and that’s all you could give me.)

I guess you were afraid to give yourself fully to someone and that’s why it was easier to blame someone else than to admit it was you who was the cause of the problem.

Because of you, I know I deserve better. I know I deserve a guy who isn’t afraid of commitment.

He’ll give himself to me and I’ll give myself to him. Fully, without fear that one of us will run away when things get hard.

He will be ready to love and be real with his feelings.

He won’t pretend. Instead, he’ll tell me honestly whenever there’s an issue and we’ll work together on finding a solution.

Because of you, I know not all of us are made for serious, fully-committed relationships.

Some people only want pieces of love and when you give them more, they run off scared.

I guess you’re one of them.

My love was too much only because you never felt what real love is supposed to feel like.

Because of you, I know now that I’m not supposed to chase love. I tried it with you and it didn’t work, which means that it wasn’t real love.

So, from now on, I’m going to let love chase me. I’ll let it get to me and knock me off my feet.

I’ll let it show me how it feels to have butterflies in my stomach every time I look at the one I love.

Because of you, I realize that sometimes you need to let go of the things that aren’t good for you. Holding on harder only creates wounds in your heart.

Instead, you need to let them walk away because they aren’t right for you. If they were, they wouldn’t want to walk away in the first place.

Now you can see how much I’ve learned from those words you said to me.

Maybe I was too much for you, but I will never be too much for the right one.

So, I will spread my wings and enjoy the beauty this world has to offer.

I will use those “you are too much” words to remind myself of the value that I carry within myself.