To the girl at war with her own mind…
I know that there is a whirlwind of thoughts running through your head right this moment. I understand completely.
Your struggles are there, hurting you, and I can very much see myself having gone through the same things.
It’s as if I’m able to see right through your smile. You smile whenever you don’t want people to look into your mind.
Acting, playing it cool, and smiling away the buzzing sound in your head just for it to come back to you twice as strong.
You smile so brightly, but your safe haven, where you run back to whenever the world becomes too much, is a warzone in itself.
That warzone of yours is solitary confinement for all those times someone made you feel like less than you actually are, or whenever you made yourself feel like that.
You made the external voices disappear in a heartbeat, and you retreated into your own mind. But their words don’t just stay silent.
They do come back and you feel their full power once the night has fallen and you’re once again curled up into yourself.
You feel their words pierce your every thought and echo right through your skull. You feel the war in your mind taking over.
Your mind won’t make them stop, no matter how many times you have found the fight in your own mind to be a lost battle.
I mean, who wouldn’t? When you can’t control such an important part of yourself, such a huge part of yourself, what else is left to start giving up?
You hear their voices, their words like knives striking in all the places that hurt the most, their looks of judgment burned into your memory for safekeeping, for you to use every single time you feel just a little bit good about yourself.
“It keeps me humble!”
You like to tell yourself that in order to make its impact seem smaller than it actually is.
But I see those bags under your eyes and the wounds that you are more than scared to show innocent bystanders.
You are exhausted. Your mind is filled with pictures of him. Him holding her, breaking you, and leaving only pain along the way. He loves another woman.
You fight those scenes, to the back of your head.
You fight them out of your system, but it’s always easier for them to pop right back up than to keep them away.
He holds her so tight that you can feel your chest constrict and your mind goes blank for a moment.
You should be happy for that moment of peace in your mind, but even the silence is so loud in your head that you can’t even tell which is worse.
Why? Because your mind says that the man who led you astray has much more power over you than you would like to admit.
He makes you question yourself, your dreams and ambitions.
So once more, you retreat back into your head, even for just a moment to imagine a life with him outside of the boundaries of reality.
You give yourself a moment to enjoy an imaginary encounter, to enjoy it in all its fantasy.
Of course, it won’t last long, once the toxic thoughts consume you any minute now and tell you that you are not worth his time or his love.
Your mind will make you believe that you are too this or too that, but never good enough.
But you keep on imagining perfection.
This is where the warzone is so obviously prevalent, spread through all the parts of your life, never letting you have a moment of peace.
Put your weapons down and wave that white flag above your head, to make peace with yourself.
Whenever you have the overwhelming feeling of your mind taking over your body, stop yourself and follow the sound of your breathing.
Let it overtake you, let it make you feel alive again.
Instead of imagining that perfect future of yours, why don’t you start creating it and living it!
Start grounding yourself in the present moment that’s in front of you, instead of finding all the ways to escape it.
You deserve a moment of peace. Stop bringing yourself down, stop being your own worst enemy, and listen to what I have to tell you.
Listen to me when I say that you are worthy of love.
If your current romantic interest has his heart set on someone else, that does not take anything away from your own value.
You need to realize that love is never fair, so that’s why everyone always tells us to love ourselves. It’s not just a trend, it’s a basic human need.
For if we are not at peace with ourselves, if we’re not truthfully in love with ourselves, how can we expect to be at peace with the world?
Your mind will find ways to bring up toxic thoughts every once in a while.
What you have to understand is that you’re the one who holds all the power. No one can solve these problems for you, no one except you.
So the next time that you feel your mind telling you lies about your appearance or your worth, stop yourself and feel how life is pouring through every part of your body.
You have to feel the life in you. Thank your body, mind, and soul for all the work they do every single day. They do all of that without you even noticing.
Take a moment and appreciate yourself. You will become overwhelmed by an unknown feeling of peace inside yourself. It might be strange, but try it.
Change is always difficult. No one says it’s going to be easy for you to leave all your past habits behind.
You will fight with yourself for power more times than not but don’t let that discourage you.
Don’t let your mind ever take over again. You are in charge; today, tomorrow, and always.
You make the decision to put the sticks and stones back on the ground and pick up all the self-love that you have deprived yourself of.
Be at peace with yourself and you will be at peace with the rest of the world.
A woman at peace with her own mind