If you’ve ever been in an abusive relationship before, I’m so sorry. There’s nothing worse than giving your heart to someone whose only intention is to crush it.
It’s way different than going through a breakup, for sure. When you end things with someone, it’s like taking off a bandage.
It’s quick, and although painful, it doesn’t last forever. You don’t see or hear from them ever again. The difference is that the pain of going through a breakup lasts a particular amount of time.
But when your heart’s broken time and time again, it can leave some deep scars. The agony of having to go through the same abuse over and over again can be unbearable.
You feel like no one else knows the struggle you’re going through, and it’s somewhat true. Your experience is only yours, and no one else’s.
There are, unfortunately, people who’ve been in similar situations but they’ve never been inside your mind. The abuse can leave serious consequences, especially on your mental health.
Perhaps you thought it could never happen to you, but you were wrong. This can feel like you betrayed yourself and you could even be angry at yourself.
The abuse has impacted you in ways you never even thought of. One of the worst-case scenarios that could happen if you’re a victim of abuse is you mistaking it for love.
People who’ve been exposed to any type of abuse – physical, mental, or verbal – for an extended period of time, can start to tie these two.
This behavior can be seen as trauma bonding. You can’t quite pinpoint why it’s happening, but it’s taking a toll on you and you know it’s holding you hostage.
Don’t confuse love with abuse!
It’s possible you fell in love with your abuser at a time when he was showing no ill intentions. However, as time progressed, he turned out to be a completely different person.
Perhaps you thought that he was going through a hard time and tried to stick with him. You wanted to support him and thought you’d eventually get through it together.
Time went by and he didn’t change, even though he said he would. Before you know it, your once-healthy relationship turned into a nightmare you didn’t know how to escape.
He assured you that everything’s fine and he loves you just as much as before. This is one of the clear red flags that you somehow missed.
The problem you faced was his confidence and masterful manipulation. He used your trust to lead you to believe the torture he was putting you through was his way of showing affection.
Love is blind, so this could be one of the reasons you fell into this trap all along. Whatever the cause, don’t blame yourself for it.
You never could’ve perceived that things would end up this way. Remember this once and for all – it’s not your fault, even if your abuser tells you it is.
People who suffer from certain disorders, such as narcissists, can put you through a tirade of abuse. One of the most common tactics they use to make you feel crazy is gaslighting.
Your abusive partner will hurt you (intentionally) and pretend like it didn’t happen. This can leave you all sorts of confused, sad, and lonely.
Before you know it, you start to distance yourself from others, which was what he wanted all along. It’s important not to confuse abuse with love because it can suck you into that dark space even deeper.
But you gotta snap out of it!
Some things are easier said than done, just like this one. Your friends and family perhaps saw the warning signs and urged you to leave him, but you can’t.
You simply can’t let go of your abuser and there are dozens of reasons for that. Maybe you’re scared, you don’t know how, or you have nowhere to go.
You’re held captive, not only by his abuse, but by your thoughts and feelings. As of now, you’re living in a world where you associate love with abuse because that’s all you’ve been taught…
Believe it or not, there are people out there who are willing to help you. But the change starts with you. You have to take the first step and that is making up your mind.
The longer the abuse has taken place, the harder it can be to get out of the relationship. As time passes, you become heavily dependent on your abuser.
He convinces you to cut off everyone else and makes you believe you love him. You look forward to those days when he acts normal. Those days turn into hours, and hours into minutes.
Next thing you know, you’re left awaiting his fleeting instances where he smiles at you sincerely and doesn’t abuse you. This may be one of the signs of Stockholm syndrome.
- Talk to someone for guidance.
- View experiences from other people who’ve gone through abuse.
- Seek out professional help.
- Build your self-confidence.
- Ask for help and the support of someone close to you.
- Don’t be ashamed of what you’ve been through.
- And remember, it’s not your fault.
After rain, there’s always a rainbow. You don’t have to continue going through this no matter what opinion your abuser instilled in you.
It’s hard, but it’s not impossible. You have a mission, and no matter how weak you think you are to carry it out, you can do it.
Although it’s hard, snapping out of it is a must. You’re allowed to be scared, but you’re also allowed to ask for help. You’re allowed to cry, but you’re also allowed to be happy.
If you’re a girl who associates abuse with love, you may not know anything other than that. However, the world is full of beautiful people who have zero intention or desire to hurt you.
How will you find out if this is true if you don’t get up and start searching?
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