To the girl I used to be,
You’ll be fine. This letter may seem like a scary thing to read but I can assure you that everything will be okay or at least better than what it could’ve been.
You’re so innocent and sweet right now and I’m not saying this to sound mean. I know that I used to hate when someone called me that because it made me feel like a child.
You probably believe that I’m joking when I tell you that but I can at least promise you that your heart is whole right now.
Where do I even begin?
I don’t want to sound like I’m gaslighting you right now (trust me, you’ll get more than enough of that later on) but those break-ups you went through before now are nothing compared to what’s coming, I can tell you that with absolute certainty.
There’s a piece of me that believes that things happen for a reason. I like to think that everything that we go through has a higher meaning and that we can learn from all of our experiences.
However, this is an experience you could’ve lived without.
You’ll meet the perfect guy. When he comes along, you’ll feel like finally someone understands you.
He’ll come into your life like a hurricane. The way he’ll sweep you off of your feet will tell you that he’s the one and that’s why you may not believe the things that’ll come afterward.
He’ll treat you with kindness. All those men who never made you a priority will fall into the shadow of the man who will stand in front of you.
Do you remember that list of things you made when you were 15? It contained all the necessary information about what you looked for in a guy back then.
In your twenties, you’ll meet that guy you’ve always dreamed of. He’ll seem so right in the way he touches you and so caring in the way he’s always there for you.
Sometimes, you’ll see a glimpse of something dark in his eyes or a hint of sarcasm but the good things will always outweigh the bad. That’s why you won’t see it coming.
Once he switches his narrative, that’s when you’ll start to feel like you’re going crazy and it’s not because he’ll say one thing wrong but it’ll be everything that he’ll do.
One moment, you’re completely happy in his embrace, and the next, he’s suffocating you. That right there will be the man who’ll break you into tiny little pieces and you’ll feel like love is a myth.
I know, I sound dramatic, but you and I have always been like that. He called us dramatic one too many times too but this time, I’m afraid I’m telling the truth.
He’ll be there for you, just to tell you that you’re taking up too much space in his life. You’ll feel like you’re nothing more than a burden to him, so you’ll stop talking about your problems.
You’ll talk less and demand less attention. This will go on until the point when you’ll feel like you’ll choke on your own emotions.
The angry look on his face when he sees you crying will become engraved in your mind. The way his voice sounds and his lips deform when he yells at you will echo in your ears even when he’s not there.
That’s when you’ll understand what I mean when I say that the man of your dreams turns your life into a nightmare. He’ll try to break you until the only thing left is an empty shell of a human being.
At one point, you’ll even become that. You’ll start to swallow your pride in exchange for his apology and you’ll start to stay silent in exchange for peace.
I know that you must be thinking that something like this could never happen to you. You’re a strong woman who knows what she wants and what she’s capable of.
Why would you even become so submissive to a man who obviously treats you badly? Well, that’s what will come as the biggest surprise to you.
Under all that bravado is a girl who’s so insecure. You know that it’s true.
So you’ll look for the only safety net out there and that’ll be him. Because as unsafe as he is, he’ll be the most permanent thing in your life.
I would love to be able to turn back time and save you from all of this trauma. I would love to hold your hand and explain to you that you should run away from him as fast as possible but you’ll have to go through all of this.
The good thing is that you won’t have to go through it alone. He’ll take you away from all of your family and friends.
However, believe me when I tell you that they’ll be waiting for you to ask them for help. They’ll help you get out of that bad relationship and they’ll help you feel safe again.
But you have to understand that you’re strong enough to leave him. At times you’ll feel like giving up and sometimes you’ll succumb to his abuse but know that life and love have so much more to offer.
You just have to be strong. Don’t let him tell you that you’re not enough, because you are!
Don’t let him tell you that you’re a weakling because that’s what he is. He’s the weak one out of the two of you.
He doesn’t know how to love you properly but he chooses this awful violence instead. A strong man could love a beautiful woman like you.
I hope you don’t take my message for granted. I hope you understand that whatever happens, you’ll always be the better one of the two of you!
You’ll be more than fine, I can promise you that. Just know that there’s nothing in this world stopping you from pursuing the real love that you deserve.
Because he’ll never be able to give you that.