A Letter To The Friend Who Didn’t Respect Me

Dear friend who didn’t respect me,

You made me feel like I wasn’t worthy enough, but now I realize that’s not the case. I’m at the point in my life where I know my worth.

I’ve fought many battles where I came out as the winner. It took me some time to learn to love myself but I can finally say that I made it.

Now that I am happy with where I stand, I need to tell you something. I need to let you know that I forgive you.

You may ask yourself, “For what?” so I will make sure to explain it to you.

Piece by piece, I will unravel the trail of devastation you caused me. I hope you will understand that these words don’t come from anger.

They come from relief as I finally know that nothing was my fault.

You were the one who tried to manipulate me and I’m happy that I was strong enough to walk away.

Now, don’t be mad at me for being brutally honest. I just want to let you know how you made me feel.

So…

I forgive you!

I forgive you for all the times you ignored me and my feelings.

When I felt hurt and my world was falling apart, you were laughing with other friends as I wasn’t good company at that time.

I forgive you for never supporting me. Everything I did was useless and wrong. At least, that’s what you told me.

You never expressed a word of support to the point where even I stopped believing in myself.

I forgive you for all the times you lied to me saying you were busy and then seeing you out with others.

Back then, I believed that it was my fault that you avoided me and I cried my eyes out over it.

Now, I know that you did it because of your own interests. You were so self-oriented that you never did anything that wasn’t useful to you.

I forgive you for all the times you laughed at me instead of laughing with me. Every time you mocked me, it felt like a stab in the back.

I remember how I asked myself why you hated me so much that you were willing to play games with me in front of others.

Poor me, I thought it was my fault. Oh, little girl, it was never your fault. People are mean and they love to feed on your pain.

I forgive you for every lie you told behind my back. People gave me strange looks and laughed at me over all the nonsense you spread.

Now, I realize that it was an attempt to make yourself feel better.

For all the times you left me hanging, waiting hours for you to come, I forgive you.

I never assumed that I should take that as a sign that you didn’t appreciate me. I truly believed that you had something else you needed to do.

Now, I realize that you lied. You just wanted to have power over me, and quite frankly, you had it, as I trusted everything you said. Oh, how naive I was.

I forgive you for all the times you made me believe that you needed me in your life, but instead you only needed my attention so you could control me better.

You played games with my mind and now I understand that I was just a pawn in your dangerous game.

I forgive you for all the times you made me feel like I was the reason behind a problem. I was always ‘too this’ or ‘too that’.

You made me feel that your jealousy was a reaction to my behavior and not your self-centered mind.

I forgive you for giving me the silent treatment whenever I tried to tell you that something you did hurt me.

Would you have trusted me if I had told you that I was constantly thinking about what I did wrong?

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find a reason. However, I always agreed with you as I didn’t think that you would be faking your feelings.

I believed that I hurt you but now I know that I am the only one who ended up being hurt.

I forgive you for making me feel like I was the one who needed help.

You always blamed everything on me – I was manipulative, envious, and destructive. It was never you.

Finally, I forgive you for ruining my confidence.

After years of disrespectful treatment, you achieved what you wanted from the beginning – you changed me and shaped me by your standards.

Like Frankenstein’s monster, you assembled me from different pieces in order to control me.

Well, you succeeded for some time but I’m glad that I realized in time what your plan was. I am glad I reacted.

I forgive you for everything mentioned in this letter. You can live freely as I will not chase you anymore.

I sincerely forgive you since you are not worth my time any longer.

But also…

I forgive myself!

For believing that you were my real friend, I forgive myself. Without realizing that I was the one who was unhappy, I struggled to make sure you felt happy in my company.

Now I know that your behavior was disrespectful and that I was always worthy of more.

I forgive myself for trusting your lies. Somehow, I convinced myself that, “I am busy,“ “My mom is sick,” or, “I have to finish something for work,” were genuine.

I waited for you to call me, but still, I was always the one who cared enough to call first.

Now, I realize that you only wanted to prove to yourself that you were the one in control. And congratulations, you succeeded.

I forgive myself for caring about you and receiving nothing in return.

Now, I realize that I will meet a number of toxic friends throughout my life. You were one of them.

You drained my energy and you lowered my self-esteem but I still managed to find a way back.

I forgive myself for the suffering and pain you put me through.

I understand now what went through your head. You thought that you could uplift yourself by bringing me down.

Well, it kinda worked but it was never doomed to last.

I finally realize my worth and I know that no one can treat me with disrespect anymore. I’ve learned my lessons and I’m using them to my own advantage.

I forgive you for disrespecting me and I forgive myself for being naive.

P.S. I forgive you, but I will never forget.