Have you ever written a letter to someone? I decided to write a letter to my soulmate and reminisce about the old times, the same way I used to communicate with pen-pals when I was younger.
This pen-pal is a little different though, and I’m crazy about him. He fascinates me, and my eyelids close a little when I think of him.
A raise my eyebrows and give him a smirk because he’s really shown me how important body language can be. He’s the kind of guy who’ll make you think that you look cool with a cigarette.
In reality, he has no idea of the dangers his attitude can cause.
This is a letter to my soulmate – the guy who has trouble written all over him.
He’s the type of guy who makes us think that we can change a man.
Deep down, we know that he will never change, but that only makes us love him even harder.
It’s the irresistible bad boy charm that comes from an actual bad guy. He’s not a boy, so we shouldn’t sugarcoat it that way.
How could this be a letter to my soulmate if I’m talking about someone who’s clearly bad for me?
I honestly have no idea… but I do know that your soulmate doesn’t have to be your forever love.
Maybe I just think that he’s my soulmate because he’s a mess.
It’s so clear that he needs to be fixed. I guess I actually want to fix myself, but I love how a mess looks.
Anyway, he’s handsome in a weird way. You can see that he’s been through a lot, but it somehow looks good on him.
Imagine a classier version of a guy in ripped jeans and a leather jacket. The material my guy is made of is so much more than jeans and leather.
He’s actually a little feminine, if you ask me, but he’d be angry if I said that to him. Guys don’t like admitting that they have a feminine side.
It’s in the way he moves his body like he’s listening to a melody no one else can hear. I guess that’s what’s most appealing about him.
Although, he does kind of have a stiff posture too…
He could write “stranger danger” on his forehead and get away with it.
His voice is the most unique voice I’ve ever heard. It kind of always seems that he’s joking and flirting in an inappropriate situation.
He’s definitely a tease and likes stringing you along. Surprisingly, he has boundaries, and there’s a line he won’t ever cross.
He’ll jump on that line and make you move it further away. You just have to because you can’t stop listening to his enchanting nonsense.
Why am I writing a letter to my soulmate if that’s who he is? Well, because I can’t be with him.
Somehow, I love that part too, and it just makes me reminisce about him often.
I love how he ignores me yet keeps playing with me, turning me into a puppet on his string.
He denies me the love I crave so much, and it makes me want to earn it. There’s not enough money in the world to earn his love, though.
Everything is a game to him, not just love. His whole life is about playing around, touching hearts, and breaking them.
Then he wants to breathe life back into them as if he’s trying to make you understand how he actually feels.
He’s forcing me to think about the difference between damaged and rotten.
This guy suffered some damage, and those close to him hurt him. The entire world let him down, and he has anger buried in his cold heart.
He’s screaming for help actually, but there’s a rotten, unfixable part of him. I don’t think that he’ll ever find love, but, in his own way, he’s happy.
He has that weird lust for life only people who are ready to die have. You can’t hurt him because he’s not afraid of getting hurt.
He’s already hurt… and now he wants to hurt others. He’ll play with your mind and your heart until you feel physical pain.
I know that this is not how you imagined a letter to my soulmate will go…
Yet, people have more than one soulmate, and sometimes the one that got away seems the most precious.
I don’t even dare to address him directly before describing who my letter to my soulmate is addressed to.
He’s a strange man I spent some time with occasionally.
We were never in a relationship, and he walked away from me. Coming from him, that was a sign of love.
He cared enough for me to leave me instead of pulling me into his rabbit hole. I often miss him, and I felt like our souls connected.
We both know that we won’t be happy together as who we are though. He’s never going to change and I have.
Now that you’ve recognized yourself in this description, here’s a letter to my soulmate. You, dear.
People aren’t simple, and you aren’t an average human being.
There are reasons I love you but can’t be with you, and I hope that they will help you learn something.
This is a letter to my soulmate and everything about you that I both love and hate:
1. You have a great sense of humor but a dark soul
No one can make me laugh the way you can. Somehow, you do it without even trying.
You love irony and sarcasm and you’ve turned it into an art form that only a few can understand.
Your sense of humor is somehow serious, and you make things seem funny because they’re true.
There’s honesty in your humor, and you make a fool of yourself and me at the same time.
I bet that you were the class clown, right?
And your jokes are almost always a little inappropriate to a certain extent.
This is when you’re intentionally being funny, but there’s something you do unintentionally.
It’s the way you don’t realize reality even though there’s logic in the way you see things. Also, it’s in the difference between how you see yourself and how others see you.
You don’t really care much about what anyone thinks, but you somehow aren’t even aware of how differently you see yourself.
Your sense of humor is often dark because you use it as a defense mechanism.
Other times, it’s just silly and makes you appear stupid, despite your intelligence.
2. You’re modest yet greedy
It’s not about the money to you. You may want to be filthy rich, but you’d then set fire to the money and laugh while it burns.
Caring for material things is not how you’re wired. You don’t want it as much as you need it.
Your greed is more about being in the limelight and being powerful enough to shine like a shooting star.
You want people to understand you much more than you want money… to see you, notice you, and hear you.
Unfortunately, money is a necessity, and that’s why you’re greedy. In addition, you’re one for instant gratification and luxury.
To be honest, it makes me really wonder how you can afford it all if you’re not greedy.
I hope that you’ll be able to find happiness in the finer things in life.
You are too modest for it now. Since you’re so damaged, you like damaged things and a messy environment.
You are so clueless about other people’s points of view, yet somehow you manage to still be classy in a modest way.
3. You’re proud and arrogant
You are a proud man, and that demands awe of others. There’s some unusual dignity in that pride and sort of a flamboyant style.
You’re very arrogant too, but you pull it off. It looks good on you to think so highly of yourself.
You know how to get people to listen to you and actually do what you say. It’s so hard to describe you since you’re not the classic bad guy.
You can show incredible kindness and warmth in some moments… but those are just moments and, most of the time, you just hide your true face.
I’m glad that I’m the one who got to see it, and I hope that you’ve found the smirk you’ve been looking for.
You sometimes really surprise people who dare to get to know you better.
They have to respect you, but you show them some respect too.
Your biggest problem is in your boundaries – the weird ones you do have and the nonexistence of others.
4. You know how to work your body language to manipulate
Mental abuse and emotional abuse are nothing new to you. It’s in the way you treat others and make them feel.
You use manipulation tactics that I never even knew before I met you. And I think your body language has something to do with it.
You sometimes make me scared, but in a different way than anyone else. It’s like you play the blues for me.
You don’t want anyone to pity you, but you make me feel sorry for you and get angry at me when I do. Love, danger, life… it’s all a game to you, and you just want to come out a winner.
In someone else’s shoes, you might look like a loser, but you’re far from it.
I don’t know how you do it, but people actually fear you, respect you, and even love you.
5. You’re mysterious yet honest
I could never figure you out. You’re like the best book I could possibly read, but it’s in some strange encrypted language.
This letter is the closest I can come to deciphering who you truly are.
I always loved a good mystery, and you are mysterious in a special, weird way – nothing like how I could’ve imagined it.
Instead, you’re in a way, very blunt and honest. The thing is, you never tell the whole story.
All I get from you are verses of a strange song I’m dying to hear and pages ripped out of a good book I’d gladly read.
That book would be like Where’s Waldo – How could someone so distinguishable fit in the environment so easily that it’s hard to find him?
I guess that there’s something wrong with the environment.
It’s sad but true that I love your honesty even when it hurts me. Hearing it from the master of lies and disguise is what makes it funny.
6. You’re entertaining yet narcissistic
It’s never boring with you, and you’re a great entertainer. You make me want to dance with you even though I don’t know the steps.
It’s like you taught me that I don’t have to learn to dance. I can just move to the rhythm of the melody in my head.
You kind of made me realize that I can have a soundtrack for my life.
You’re well aware of how amazing you are – too aware. I feel for you so badly that I can’t tell you that you’re not as awesome as you think you are.
You are sensitive even if you don’t want to admit it.
Your needs and wants always come first, but it somehow feels like you’re entitled to be a priority.
You had to learn to take care of yourself because no one took care of you.
Now, you don’t allow anyone to even try. You have scars that will never heal, but you’ve learned to hide them by putting a smile on your face.
So many people fake a smile. Yours comes from wishing to mock them because of it.
No one ever took you seriously, and they just wanted you to be a positive person.
Now, you’ve turned into a narcissist who makes fun of serious things.
7. You possess intelligence yet also bad intentions
People have lied to you, so you now lie to others, in your own, witty way.
You have above-average intelligence, but it’s like you don’t know how to use it. It’s hard for you to adapt to your environment as well as some changes.
You have bad intentions, and you’re not hiding that fact. Instead, you purposely and consciously choose to do something bad.
Do you ever wonder why? Who are you getting back at, and for what?
I’m sure you could figure it out if you wanted to. Maybe you already have, but you prefer to stay mad at the whole world.
Society has let you down, so you just want everyone to pay for what they’ve done to you. What did they do?
They saw your potential and let it rot. No one wanted to help you become who you can be, so you became who you had to be.
You’re not the bad guy here, it’s just that no one noticed you when you were a good guy.
Instead, you experienced great injustice that changed you forever.
People probably laughed at you when you were just a kid.
Now, you think that laughter is the best medicine… and want to give them a taste of their own medicine.
8. You’re spiteful and hold grudges
You do things just out of spite and that can justify some things… But you’re holding a huge grudge you can’t let go of.
Someone broke your heart, and now you enjoy seeing someone else’s crack. You saved mine though, by not accepting it when I wore it on my sleeve.
Maybe you realized that it’s not my fault you turned out the way you did… But you know what?
It’s not anyone’s fault. You can’t blame others for the trauma you experienced.
Stuff like that just happens in life, and it can be very unfair, but can you believe in karma? People get what they deserve eventually.
The most interesting thing about you is that you make fun of pathetic behavior by acting pathetic in a serious way – by injecting humor into it.
You have a special way of doing it so that it doesn’t look like you’re mocking someone. You’re insulting life and who humans are.
There’s a huge sorrow underneath all that, but you hide it in a smile instead of a tear. You really are a classy class clown.
9. You’re logical but cold
It feels like I’m writing a letter to my first love, but what we had can’t and shouldn’t be called love.
It’s more of a choice and a decision… to fall for each other and into the dark, cold rabbit hole.
You are a rebel, and girls have always been crazy about rebels without a cause. Your logic is incredible for someone so odd.
Somehow, you managed to become cold and distant while being an extrovert at the same time.
It’s like you’re too into the image you created for others to see.
What warmth hides under all those layers? Underneath it all, there’s the man I want to see.
Finding out what the layers are made out of seems fun though. Which layers are thick and which are just for show?
You’re a real-life showman. You always leave your hat on and the magic inside your head is the secret to your success.
Something awful could happen, and you’d stay cool. Then something apparently meaningless happens and it makes you completely lose it.
Your logic keeps you on the ground, but you’re unsure where you’re standing and so you walk on clouds.
They say that the lack of empathy is a sign of a sociopath, but you do have empathy… You just don’t show everything always.
Sometimes, you just choose to deny and ignore the reality that bothers you.
It keeps you safe, and you’ve got yourself convinced that hell could freeze over if you just play it cool.
But you’re not in a game. No matter how many magic tricks you know, people don’t believe in magic anymore.
It’s all chemistry, biology, and other types of science… All that’s left after them is faith – and although you have faith, it’s just not in humanity.
10. You’re damaged and rotten
When you bite an apple, it’s damaged, but when you see a worm in there, it’s rotten. Your worm is definitely hungry, and it’s eating away all the flesh.
Is it too late to remove your worm, or has it eaten away through to your soul? I was ready to find out, but you let me go.
That’s why this might even be a letter to the man who hurt me the most without doing anything to me. Who hurt you?
You showed me that you’re no worm – that there’s something healthy in all that mess. You’re just not ready to forgive those who damaged you.
Would getting the revenge you so desperately need make you feel better? Sad to say, but no, it wouldn’t.
Your body language is like bait. It’s like you’re throwing hooks to fish but just want to annoy the fish without letting them take all of the bait.
All in all, you’re a strange man, and I’ll always care deeply enough for you to try to figure out where your worm came from.
Until then, I’ll pay more attention to someone who truly loves me and write love letters for him.
Let this be a letter to you, my soulmate, that will always remind you someone cares about you.
No matter how weird you are, I like you, and I really do hope you have a good life.
In a way, I am your soulmate, but even if our souls are the same, our masks aren’t. I hope that you’ll feel safe enough to take off yours one day.
More importantly, I hope you’ll let someone see the real you because I’m not sure whether I described you right.
Still, this is the mirror you can gaze into whenever you feel lost and want to know how you looked in someone else’s eyes.