A relationship takes a lot of work and that’s because it takes both of you to work on things when they are not going well.
When things are not going the way you want, then it is time to question whether or not you are in a dysfunctional relationship.
A dysfunctional relationship is a term that’s quite interesting and most people will describe it as being ‘codependent‘.
I’m not going to use any scientific terms here; a dysfunctional relationship happens when things are not working, plain and simple.
Those things could eventually lead to a woman or a man being emotionally or physically hurt in a relationship.
When we enter a relationship, we naturally expect that our needs are going to be satisfied; this can include our emotional needs, where we expect our partner to be supportive or boost our self-esteem.
Unfortunately, there are often relationships in which spending time with your significant other brings you despair and sorrow.
Love is an excellent foundation for a great relationship but it doesn’t mean it should be created entirely around it.
Sometimes love isn’t the sole reason for a relationship to be saved.
You also need to be aware of the things that are happening in that particular relationship, because they don’t happen by themselves.
Gossipping about your partner is a huge NO
It’s okay to talk about your partner to your close friends.
However, if you find yourself talking to other people behind your partner’s back, people whom you don’t consider to be close friends, then you should stop doing that and focus on repairing what’s broken.
The content of your conversations is of pivotal importance.
Those doubts and negative thoughts that you have about your partner should be discussed with him.
If you go out and talk about those serious problems that you have in your relationship with people who are not your close friends, I’m sorry to inform you, but that’s called gossip.
Maybe at a particular moment, you feel vulnerable and in need of some sort of support from other people but watch out, as those are temporary moments and they will not solve your problems in the long-term.
Another thing to keep in mind is that it will portray your partner as someone who is bad and people will start to wonder why you are with him in the first place.
Solution: The solution, believe it or not, is quite simple. Stop doing that.
If you want your relationship to work, then you need to address your problems; with your partner of course.
And if those problems persist or you don’t like him anymore, then you always have the option to leave.
Bullying of any form is not acceptable
Oftentimes, a relationship where bullying is happening showed some little signs that it would lead to it.
Let’s get this clear from the start. Bullying isn’t just about being physically abused.
It’s not that rare to find a relationship where someone is being emotionally abused instead.
Those types of bullying tend to be seen when a person in a relationship is being undermined of their self-esteem.
And yes, men tend to be more abusive than women.
That doesn’t mean that women cannot be abusive, however. Just like gossiping, where the percentage of women doing that is higher, men also have a tendency to do that with their friends, and at the same time, some women will abuse men.
Don’t feel sorry for yourself and say you should have seen it coming. It is okay if you didn’t see those characteristics in your partner after just a few dates.
You know what to do when facing physical bullying. You should and must call the authorities immediately when facing this from your partner.
Being emotionally bullied is quite a different story.
The signs are sometimes hard to recognize but it could be that your partner has a short temper, he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions, or that you tend to suppress your feelings because you are afraid of how he will react.
Solution: Bullying in any shape or form isn’t good, whether it is physical or emotional.
If you are experiencing physical bullying, immediately walk away and call the police. On the other hand, being emotionally bullied isn’t that good either.
Maybe he will change, but you know your man better than me. If you don’t believe that he will change then I suggest you walk away.
Don’t project your past experiences onto your existing relationship
I believe that this happens quite frequently, especially in the early beginnings of a relationship.
And I’m not talking specifically about men, as women tend to do the exact same thing.
What is interesting is that people tend to emotionally sabotage their relationship by generalizing what happened to them in the past.
If you were disappointed or cheated on in your previous relationship, it doesn’t mean you will experience the same things in your current one.
You never know, you might see some little things in your current relationship that happened to you before, because you haven’t learned from your mistakes.
However, it may be that you are just afraid and your current partner doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.
He doesn’t deserve to be questioned all the time or have you suspect him of doing this or that.
Solution: Try to think about your current relationship as a new experience.
As I said before, if you have any doubts about your partner, it is better for you to confront him about them rather than keeping your feelings inside and be a constant ticking bomb.
Conclusion
If you are willing to work with your partner, and if he is ready to work with you, there is no problem that can’t be solved.
It means taking responsibility for your actions and be ready to put in the effort.
Individual development needs to happen. If you find a partner who is ready to grow as you grow then you have hit the jackpot, darling.
It is not about who is the one to blame, but how you can improve together.
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