Think aloud
Being in a relationship with a man who has a kid isn’t an easy experience at all. Many women regret dating a single dad and promise themselves to never date a man with a child again.
But why is that so? Why do women have a problem accepting that their man has a child with another woman? Is it because they have to deal with the other woman or simply because it’s too much stress for them?
Many times I’ve heard a single dad say that he’s been disappointed in love because the girl he’s been dating didn’t accept him or his child. There are various reasons why that might happen, but in most cases, it has to do with the woman’s emotional maturity.
Having a child is great, but most of those women don’t realize how much work it takes to accept a third person into their relationship. That’s why many swear to never date a man with a child ever.
To be honest, those same women fail to see things from their man’s perspective. You need to be aware from the get-go that he’s a single dad who’ll spend the majority of his time with his kid. You can’t expect him to give you his utmost attention when he has a child to take care of.
Also, a common mistake that women make when dating a man with a child is that they become jealous. But you shouldn’t be, because no matter what, he’ll always find a way to show you that he doesn’t take you for granted.
That’s why I compiled a list of things you need to consider before dating a man with a kid and later I’ll mention a couple of reasons why many women might never want to date a man with a child.
Things to keep in mind before dating someone with a kid
To some people, the idea of dating a thoughtful single father is very appealing. They’re capable of loving fiercely and with all of their heart, and it’s always fun to be around children. But not everyone feels that way.
It could be that you’re looking for something a bit more casual, or maybe you don’t feel comfortable being around children, especially if you haven’t had any experience with them.
There are plenty of pros and cons of dating a single dad, but ultimately it comes down to you and whether or not you’re ready for such a big commitment.
Perhaps you’re not eager to become someone’s stepmom and you panic if you hear that a man wants to bring his child to your date.
That’s why I’m going to mention a couple of things that you need to keep in mind before starting anything with a single dad. And later in this article, I’ll cover reasons to never date a man with a child.
1. He may introduce you first as his “new friend”
Most single parents are careful about letting their kids know too much too soon because they don’t want to put a lot of pressure on them or get their hopes up.
That’s why your man may introduce you first as his “new friend” and not the girlfriend that you are. Before telling his child that he’s seeing someone new other than their biological mother, he has to be sure that you two have a future together. He won’t introduce you to his kid if he knows that you won’t be there for the long haul.
And I know what’s going through your mind now. You’re probably thinking that he isn’t that interested in you if he doesn’t let his kid meet you.
But that’s not true at all. It’s just that he wants to keep the relationship on the down-low before taking the next step, which is a big deal when there’s a kid in the picture.
Don’t think that he isn’t serious about you, because he is. He just wants to make sure you won’t bolt the second you meet his lovely child.
2. He’ll talk about his children a lot
If you want to date someone with a child, you’re going to have to like children, simple as that. And his kid will come up quite often in your conversations.
The reason for it is because his children are a big part of his life. After all, your partner’s kids are the most important people to him in the world. It’s only natural for him to mention them often.
Don’t take that as a sign that he is just another boring man who doesn’t have anything going on in his life besides his kids. He has, but he’ll rather talk about them because they’re his greatest accomplishment.
You shouldn’t be mad about it either. After all, it was your choice to start a romantic relationship with a man with children.
Remember what I told you at the beginning: It’s up to you to decide if you can handle that kind of pressure or not.
3. You won’t meet his kid straight away
A single dad knows how important it is to keep your personal life separate from his children, especially before he’s certain that you won’t leave him in a couple of weeks.
In some cases, you may end up waiting half a year or so before he decides to introduce you to his kids. Although, some parents will be quicker than others, so be prepared.
Ultimately, it’s his choice when and where he’ll do it, but you can be sure that he’ll think about it thoroughly before taking that step.
He’ll need to be one hundred percent certain that his child is ready for such a huge step and that he sees the relationship going somewhere.
What I’ve learned from hearing stories from single dads is that they’re more mature and careful than the rest of the guys. They won’t rush things.
Remember, that it’s not that easy to come up to your children and say to them that you’re dating someone other than their biological mother.
That info can certainly have a huge impact on the kid’s emotional and psychological well-being.
4. Take it slow
When that special moment finally arrives for him to introduce you to his child, you want to make a good impression. It’s only natural to be nervous and scared about whether the child will accept you since you’re dating their dad.
But even though the first meeting is important indeed, it’s not everything. You can mess things up or say stuff that you know you shouldn’t have.
Don’t be afraid to show who you really are because kids are excellent at reading people. They know when you’re lying to them, but if you’re genuine, they’re quick to forgive.
That’s why you need to take it slow and even if the kid seems uninterested, give it time and see what happens. Who knows, maybe you two find a common language and even start hanging out without Dad.
5. You’ll need to be understanding
Even though you clearly see that this man is head over heels for you, with all his best intentions, he’ll still let you down from time to time.
He may break his promise to go out with you on the weekend or take a last-minute raincheck on your date because his kid is sick. In most cases, though, it won’t be his fault but rather something beyond his control.
That’s why if you ever want to date a man with a child, you have to be understanding and considerate. You need to promise yourself that you won’t get upset whenever he decides to spend his free time with his child instead of you.
6. There’ll be a lot more compromises
It’s a well-known truth that compromises are essential for any healthy relationship. Without it, your love won’t survive for long.
A relationship consists of two people who aren’t the same, but still they make compromises every day because they care for each other.
But when you add kids into the mix, then there’ll be a lot more compromises needed if you want to stay with him.
Your man may come to you and say how exhausted he is from taking his child to go shopping and then watching a movie, but you desperately want to go out.
Well, in that case, you have to meet him in the middle and adapt to his wishes.
That said, don’t let him use those types of excuses every time you two make a plan and he bails on you. If he keeps doing that continuously, you need to talk to him about it and tell him how unhappy it makes you.
6 reasons to never date a man with a child
Dating a single parent isn’t right for everyone and it’s definitely something that you shouldn’t take lightly.
It doesn’t matter how madly in love you are with him. You need to think about how your relationship will affect the mental state of his kids and whether or not they will accept you at all.
That’s why I’ll list a couple of reasons why you may never want to date a man with a child.
1. If you’re not ready to be a stepmom
Yes, kids are a true gift from God, they can also be a handful. Just think about the time you had to take care of your niece, nephew, or your younger sister and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
It takes a lot of nerve and patience to entertain kids and take care of them.
So, ask yourself this: Are you prepared to take care of a child that’s not even yours when you know you’re not ready to become a mom or stepmom?
I understand that this man is wonderful and sweet, but remember that dating him comes with a cost. He certainly adds value to your life, treats you like a lady, and is a true gentleman.
But meanwhile, his children are with their mom or a babysitter and are waiting for their dad to come home.
Have you ever wondered how your relationship would look once you get to spend time with his kid? We’re talking here about a wonderful man who takes care of his children in every aspect. He’s always there whenever his child needs him.
You can’t just add value to him only. You have to add value to the child as well. If you’re not sure you can do that, then stay away from him.
This also applies to those men whose children don’t live with them. Perhaps his kid lives in a different state. But what happens when the child visits his dad every other weekend? Or wants to come and live with him?
If you’re not ready to become a mom or stepmom, never date a man with a child.
2. If you can’t accept that he has a child with someone else
What brings emotional fulfillment in a relationship is the idea that you’re someone’s first. First love, first kiss, or first intimate experience.
Those who take relationships seriously and aren’t interested in casual relationships have high hopes that their first would also be their last – especially women.
But it doesn’t always work like that.
You need to understand that people make mistakes and that life is not perfect. You can’t believe that what you see in those Hollywood movies can be applied to real-life relationships.
Unfortunately, some people break up and decide to take another path, even though they have a child together.
I know that it’s hard for you to leave this awesome man because he’s showing you what true love actually means, but you can’t expect to have a future with him if you can’t get past the fact that you’re not the first to share a child with him.
If you’re like that, then you need to go out and meet a great man without children.
Never waste your precious time getting to know this man and telling him all your deepest secrets, only to leave him once he introduces his child to you.
To him, you’ll never be just another girlfriend. He’ll think about you as a potential stepmom to his kid.
And in the back of your mind, there will always be the thought that he has something beautiful with another woman and not you (yet). If you can’t accept that, then you need to leave him immediately before you break his heart.
3. Never date a man with a child if you can’t accept it as your own
Kids never had a choice when or where they’d be born. They weren’t asked to be in this world. That’s why every child deserves a chance to grow in a healthy and happy environment.
If you can’t give that to his child, then walk away and put an end to your little romance.
It’s sad that there are instances where a woman treats her own child better than her stepkids. As I said before, his kids didn’t have a choice – they didn’t ask to be here.
If you can’t accept it and treat them the same way you would treat your own, then you shouldn’t invest your time and energy to be part of their family.
There are many cases of children being mistreated by their stepmom simply because they belong to another woman. But no child deserves to feel excluded because of jealousy that lies within your heart.
Just put yourself in their position and think about how you would feel if that were you. It’s simply not fair to them. And if you care about that man at all, then you would never mistreat his kids.
There are already many children who grow up feeling abandoned, unloved, and mistreated. If you have the chance to show a kid what a mother’s love really means, then do so without hesitation, even if the child isn’t biologically yours.
Accept them as your own or leave that man forever!
4. If you’re going to use the child to get on his good side
You might not believe me, but some women really use the child to become more attractive to the man. They do extraordinary things and are ready to settle for less just so he’ll want to be in a relationship with her.
That’s similar to when a man chases after a woman and puts in the effort to make her fall in love with him, only to leave her once she commits to him.
A man like that wouldn’t ordinarily buy you flowers or take you to fancy restaurants because that’s not who he really is. He’ll only do it just to get what he wants and then leave you after he achieves his goal.
But unfortunately, women do this too. I personally know a couple of women who say to their man that it’s okay for him to leave late at night, so they don’t appear to be the jealous type.
Eventually, they’d argue about that matter once the relationship gets more serious.
The same goes for women who are ready to play the mommy role only when it’s convenient for them. They’ll try to get on the child’s good side and pretend to be excellent at taking care of the kid to impress the man.
Please, for the love of God, don’t be that like that. Be honest with yourself and with him. Don’t get involved with him if you can’t handle the pressure.
If your intentions aren’t pure while trying to connect with his children, then you won’t be able to have a future with their dad.
5. If you can’t make the child a priority like your man
There are women out there who are willing to date a man without any intention of getting to know the child at all. They see the kid as some sort of roommate and not a part of the family.
As a result, the kid starts feeling resentment toward that woman and the dad eventually breaks up with her.
Then the woman goes out and tells her friends the child was trying to sabotage her relationship and was the one to blame for the breakup.
But the thing is, a woman like that is stepping into that child’s territory, so she needs to show herself as friendly. In the end, she’s the one who needs to fit into their family and not the other way around.
So, if you’re going to ignore the child and pretend that you’re dating another single guy, then you need to leave that man alone.
You need to accept his kids like they’re your own. You have to care for them and be there whenever they need it.
It’s completely okay if you’re confused and don’t know what to do. There are no universal rules as to how to be a good parent.
You learn as you go and you accept that you’ll make some mistakes. No one was born a perfect dad or mom. You may have an idea beforehand, but you can only learn through experience.
That’s why if you really love that man and want to be with him, you need to be the stepmom the child deserves to have.
6. If you’re looking for spontaneity
When you date a man with a child, you’ll never be able to drop everything and just go off with your significant other on a trip.
So, if you’re used to being spontaneous in your romantic relationships, then you should never date a man with a child.
Don’t expect that you can grab a last-minute romantic lunch or take a weekend getaway at a moment’s notice, especially if he’s parenting primarily on his own and doesn’t have a family member nearby.
Spontaneity looks different when a child is involved in your relationship.
Bottom line? You need to remember that his kid will always be his top priority.
