Anything your boyfriend does or says lately drives you crazy, but not in a good way. Whenever he does or says something, you feel annoyed and find yourself thinking, “I hate my boyfriend.”
You’re not sure how it got to this, but you are sure that you’re not as happy as you used to be. In fact, you feel like your relationship is falling apart and there’s nothing you can do.
Don’t worry because even those “I hate my boyfriend” thoughts you’ve been having don’t have to mean that it’s the end. We’ll talk about all the probable reasons you might hate your man and ways to deal with it.
Think about when you have started feeling this way. Was it something that happened overnight or have those feelings of hate toward your boyfriend been around for a long time?
I’m assuming that you didn’t feel this way during your entire relationship, so what changed? Most importantly, are you ready to work on your relationship or do you want to give up on it?
Before you answer that, read this entire article and then go back to the questions. There are ways you can save your relationship, and maybe your boyfriend is ready to work on it with you.
The first thing you need to know is that your feelings are normal. A lot of women at some point think they hate their boyfriend and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
It doesn’t even have to mean that you don’t love your partner anymore. You can love and hate a person at the same time. After all, indifference is the opposite of love, not hate.
Another thing is that we often use the word “hate” way too lightly. Everyone will say that they hate Mondays but is that feeling really hate?
You probably just feel annoyed by your boyfriend and maybe resent him for something.
Don’t just say “I hate my boyfriend,” try to identify the feelings you have. Maybe you are hurt, angry, disappointed, betrayed, or confused.
After you are sure about what exactly you feel for your man, try to avoid things that would worsen the situation.
Instead of having an argument with him, take a walk and clear your head. After you feel calmer, you can approach the problem again and work on finding a solution.
Try not to yell at each other but have a calm conversation instead. If things don’t get better, you can always try counseling or spend some time apart.
Maybe you are simply together too often and you both need some room to breathe. Once you start missing each other, you’ll appreciate each other more than you did before.
We are going to look at every possible reason you might be thinking you hate your boyfriend. I’ll also tell you what to do depending on the cause of these feelings.
So, let’s wait no more and see if your relationship is still worth fighting for.
7 reasons you may hate your boyfriend
1. He does things that hurt me or I don’t like the person he’s become
There’s a reason for everything, and thinking “I hate my boyfriend” is no exception.
The most important question you need to ask yourself is whether it’s about something he does or who he is. Do you hate your boyfriend because of what he’s done or keeps doing, or because of the man he is?
Maybe he did something to hurt you or he has changed and you don’t like the man he’s become. There’s a huge difference between hating him for the person he is and for the actions he took.
Maybe he takes you for granted, manipulates you, lies to you, or has even cheated on you. If you have been emotionally abused, it’s no wonder that you hate your boyfriend.
You need to get away from him if he’s an abuser.
Maybe it’s something else though. Perhaps he stopped being invested in the relationship and you feel like you’re trying to save it on your own.
If you don’t hate him for some of these reasons, you probably just don’t like the person he now is. Maybe you never even truly liked him to begin with.
What to do about it now?
Well, if you hate your man for the things he does and you can’t tolerate his bad behavior anymore, tell him that. Don’t pretend that things are fine if you’re still hurt because of something he did. It’s clearly not fine, and ignoring a problem won’t make it go away.
If he doesn’t treat you right, it’s perfectly normal to feel like you hate him. Let him know that you’re not going to tolerate it anymore and say how you feel.
He needs to understand how his actions affect you and make you feel. If you can talk about this like adults, you’ll be able to work on finding a solution together.
If he’s willing to work on himself and change his ways, anything is possible. You might even be more in love than you ever were before after he makes some necessary changes.
If you hate him for the person he’s became though, there’s not a lot you can do. You despise your partner for the person he is and there’s no easy solution for that.
If he’s changed, maybe you can talk to him and tell him that you miss the man you fell for. On the other hand, if he’s always been the same, you might not be right for each other.
Maybe you hate his habits, how loudly he breathes, and the way he thinks. These things make him the man he is, so you might not love him at all anymore.
You don’t like his personality and the vibe he gives off, and that sparks hatred in you. Well, you probably don’t truly hate him, but you sure don’t like him either.
This might mean that a breakup is the only option left, but think about it some more. Do you really despise him or are there other things that cause you to be constantly annoyed?
Maybe you are constantly irritated with him but it doesn’t really have much to do with him. Keep reading to see all the other possible reasons you feel like you hate your partner.
2. I expect too much from him
According to your expectations and standards, your man doesn’t spend as much time with you as he should. He also doesn’t share your interests and isn’t as romantic as you’d want him to be.
Whenever he doesn’t do what you expect of him or doesn’t meet your standards, you think “I hate my boyfriend.”
Think about it though. Are your standards too high and your expectations unrealistic? Does he try his best to please you yet still fail because you’ve set the bar too high for him?
Maybe you’d like him to spend every day with you and be by your side every minute of his free time.
Perhaps you think that his main goal should be to make you happy so he should agree with you on everything. Maybe you feel betrayed or devastated when he forgets to do what you asked him to or refuses to do it.
If you can relate to any of these examples, your problem is that you have unrealistic relationship expectations.
A healthy relationship isn’t about spending every waking minute together and you need to understand that. It’s also not about your partner doing everything to please you.
A healthy relationship is about both people having a life outside of the relationship as well. They are supposed to respect each other’s differences and desires.
Understanding, compromise, and patience are the foundations of every successful relationship. Without it, you are just two people who are making each other unhappy for no reason.
You won’t find happiness if your partner meets all your expectations or spends more time with you. This actually leads to disaster and it’s the reason you feel like you hate your man in the first place.
He can’t fulfill the role you have created for him and it’s making you unhappy, so you hate him for it. A relationship is not supposed to be about expectations and rules.
You need to be patient and understand each other’s needs and wants. Instead of setting your own rules for the relationship, you should be willing to make compromises.
It’s the only way your relationship can work and you need to realize that. Once you do, your perspective will change.
It wouldn’t hurt to try to look at things from your partner’s point of view. You feel like you hate him, but how does he feel? Is he equally unhappy in the relationship or even more than you are?
Once you change your perspective, you won’t hate him for not being able to meet your expectations. Give him space and freedom to express himself and be himself around you instead.
3. I am depressed, anxious, or highly sensitive
If you suffer from depression, anxiety, or are highly sensitive, it can greatly influence your relationship. Maybe you see your partner differently or behave a certain way due to your problem.
A highly sensitive person can go crazy over minor things that could easily get resolved. For instance, maybe your partner’s snoring makes you so frustrated that you constantly pick fights because of it.
Perhaps even his breathing bothers you when he’s next to you or you can’t stand his comments while watching TV. Even trivial things like these could evoke hatred toward your boyfriend if you’re a highly sensitive person.
Maybe you have mood swings where one day these things annoy you but the next you don’t even notice them.
If you suffer from depression or anxiety, you may blame your partner for trivial things that he can’t even control. Maybe you even blame him for your bad mood, for instance, because you haven’t slept well due to his snoring.
Perhaps you sometimes feel like you hate him for no reason whatsoever. When the levels of depression and anxiety increase, it causes you to simply hate him without even knowing why.
People who feel lost, alone, and sad subconsciously start seeing the world differently and can’t have a bright outlook.
If this is the problem in your relationship, proper medication could help you. This is something you need to talk to a professional about, but there are other things you can try before turning to meds.
Embracing a healthy lifestyle and expressing yourself in a creative way can really make a difference. Hit the gym on a regular basis, eat healthy food, sing, write, and draw. Doing these things could really reduce your anxiety and make life easier for you.
As for your relationship, you need to become more aware of why you feel the way you feel. Whenever you want to blame your partner for something like loud chewing, stop for a second and think about it.
Is the thing you want to blame him for really under his control? Are you really annoyed by him or there is something else that’s bothering you?
Is your mood bad so literally everything annoys you and you feel like you hate everyone?
Understand that when you’re feeling sensitive or sad, it probably isn’t connected with your boyfriend. Your feelings come from the state of mind you’re currently in.
When you learn to recognize the difference between these two, you’ll be much more likely to not take it out on him.
I know you think you hate your boyfriend, but do you really? If you have mental or emotional health issues, it may well be that you hate your condition, not your partner.
Separating these two is crucial, so always try to stop and think about the way you feel. Become aware of all the thoughts and emotions you’re having.
Once you do, ask yourself whether they have anything to do with your partner. Don’t blame him right away for the fact that you’re in a bad mood.
You might realize that you don’t hate your man at all, you just hate feeling confused and helpless.
4. I think that he’s responsible for my happiness
We often rely on others for our own happiness without even being aware of it. Do you think that your boyfriend is responsible for your happiness?
If so, when he doesn’t make you happy, you blame him for it. You even start hating him and thinking that he’s not good for you anymore.
If he hasn’t fulfilled his duty of making you happy, you have the right to be angry at him… Or do you? You may think that, but the reality is entirely different.
You are the only person who is responsible for your own happiness.
If you don’t realize your worth or have low self-esteem, it’s probably what’s makes you believe that you can’t be happy alone. You need other people to bring happiness into your life because you’re miserable when you’re on your own.
That way, you put your feelings and your well-being in the hands of others. In the end, you hold them accountable if they don’t make you happy.
You need to work on this problem and realize that you don’t and shouldn’t need others to make you happy. Make yourself happy and be fine on your own.
This will take some self-improvement, but you can’t keep thinking that other people’s kindness is a necessity instead of their willingness.
Your boyfriend is just like you, a human being, and he’s not obliged to bring happiness into your life. He doesn’t have to make you happy, he just wants to.
The difference between these two is huge. If you think that your partner must make you happy, you’ll feel frustrated when he doesn’t.
Think of his willingness and desire to make you happy as a gift that you should appreciate.
5. I don’t agree with his lifestyle choices
You want to hit the gym, but your man would rather play video games. Your day is full of obligations and fun activities, while he spends his free time watching Netflix.
You try to live a healthy lifestyle, exercise, eat healthy food, and improve yourself. He, on the other hand, prefers eating burgers, drinking beer, and channel-hopping.
If you really don’t approve of his lifestyle, you may start thinking that you hate your boyfriend.
You might even think that his choice of lifestyle is the reason your relationship has taken a turn for the worse. You try to learn how to fix a toxic relationship, but he just lies on his couch all day and shows no interest in improving himself.
All you want from him is to man up and be more active and capable of taking care of himself. He does nothing to improve himself though, so your hate just accumulates.
If he harms his well-being by eating junk food and smoking too much, or he’s just a couch potato, you have a reason to be upset. Try not to accuse him of anything though and motivate him instead.
He needs to start improving himself, but don’t be aggressive when you try to make him get to work.
Talk about it and if nothing changes, reconsider the relationship. If he is destroying himself or the two of you are just too different, there’s not much you can do.
He has a right to choose his lifestyle, but if you can’t tolerate it anymore and he won’t budge, it’s pretty much over.
6. We constantly fight
Maybe you hate your man because you’re constantly at each other’s throats. Truth be told, all couples fight. The important thing is whether they work on solving the problem or just continue screaming at each other.
When you’re fighting, don’t fight to prove that you’re right. Don’t always expect him to be the first to apologize either. If you’ve made a mistake, apologize and try to make amends.
While you’re arguing, try not to use name-calling, belittling, or any other types of insults. Instead of fixing the issue, you’ll just make it worse.
Always try to focus on finding the solution and try to remain calm during conflict. Whenever things get too heated, step out of the room or take a walk.
Anything is better than saying things that you won’t be able to take back afterward.
The same goes for him because you’re in this together and you both need to work on your relationship. Don’t point fingers, but try to resolve your issues while remembering that you still care for each other.
Do you? Maybe you don’t really hate your boyfriend, but you think your boyfriend hates you and you don’t know why.
Talk to him and see if there’s still love in your relationship or it’s really over.
7. I think I would be happier with another man
Do you hate him because he’s not making you happy or because someone else would do a better job at it? Maybe you often fantasize about another person and the perfect relationship you’d have with them.
You need to realize that no one is perfect, and the grass isn’t really greener on the other side. Maybe there really is someone better for you out there, but there’s always going to be someone better.
If you feel like your man is not the person you should be with, think about why you feel that way. Also, try to pinpoint what kind of a person you expect him to be.
Maybe he’s not the right man for you, but is he trying to be? If he tries to keep you happy and show you love, you’re not going to get much more from someone else.
The reason you want to might be because you really don’t love your boyfriend anymore. Maybe he cheated on you and now you want to be with someone else to get back at him.
If none of the reasons I mentioned are the reason you hate your boyfriend, maybe he’s just bad for you. Look for signs your boyfriend is toxic and you should run for the hills if he shows any of them.
Whatever you do, don’t let anyone treat you badly. If nothing works, it’s better to end things than to stay in a loveless relationship.
Good luck!
Thanks for the perspective.