Think aloud
Falling in love is a precious experience but you can start questioning your decision once you realize how much older your partner is. You’re scared that he’s going to break your heart into pieces. So, how can you be sure that he’s not just playing with you? What are the red flags when dating an older man?
You fell for this man despite his age. His wisdom, experience, and maturity enchanted you so you listened to your heart and let it guide you. Others around you probably keep telling you that you should look for someone your age but you know that those guys can’t compare to him.
Most of them are still obsessed with partying and video games and you can’t imagine yourself dating anyone like that. This man, on the other hand, is everything you’ve been looking for.
He’s kind and mature but on top of that, he’s a real gentleman. Still, you’re afraid that it’s all a mask that he’s going to take off sooner or later.
You don’t want to end up heartbroken since you already endured way too much pain throughout your life. You’re tired of falling in love with someone only to realize that their intentions aren’t honest.
So, how can you prevent that from happening this time? How can you be sure that this older man isn’t trying to trick you?
7 red flags when dating an older man
For some women, dating an older man has been a life-changing experience. When you find a person who knows what he wants from life, you instantly feel like you’re off to a good start. Older men are typically more emotionally mature which means that they’re not up for playing games.
Once they commit to you, they don’t consider changing their minds. They treat you with respect and give you the life you’ve always dreamed of.
But sometimes, things aren’t that simple. There’s always an exception, and it’s the same when we’re talking about dating someone with a huge age gap between you.
Now, the real question is how are you going to spot a good man among all the bad ones? Are there some things you should pay attention to? What are the red flags that scream he’s not as nice as he wants you to think?
Well, if he does any of these things then it’s time for you to run.
1. He makes inappropriate comments about your age
When he decided to date you, he initially knew your age. Now that you’re together, he doesn’t have any right to point that out.
Just because you’re younger than him, it doesn’t mean that he can make inappropriate comments about it. It doesn’t mean that he has a right to act like he’s smarter than you are in any way.
So, the first time you hear him joking about your age in a humiliating way, take that as a red flag. This is a clear sign that he’s bothered by it and the chances are that he’s not going to change his mind.
Next thing you know, he’s asking you to “act older” or to give up on your lifestyle. And just like that, the two of you will fall into an unhealthy relationship dynamic where he’ll expect you to do everything he says.
I don’t even have to remind you how wrong this is.
2. He tries to control you
Right after making comments about your age, this man may start controlling your life. He may tell you to not hang out with certain friends since “they’re a bad influence” or to change the way you dress since “you’re drawing unnecessary attention.”
The reason why he may act this way is because he’s insecure. He’s afraid that you’ll meet someone younger than him and leave him. Or he thinks that he can control you just because he’s older than you.
No matter the reason, you should take his behavior as one of the red flags when dating an older man. Not he or anyone else has the right to control you and you should make sure he knows that.
3. He’s not up for a compromise
There’s no healthy relationship without compromise. But the issue with older men is that they often think they have a final word just because of their age. They consider themselves wiser and expect you to do as they say.
I don’t even have to remind you that this is wrong on so many levels. Just because there’s an age gap between you it doesn’t mean that he should treat you like you have no right to say anything.
Have an honest conversation with him and let him know that your opinion matters too. If he shows disagreement or starts making weird excuses, take that as a red flag. You two won’t be able to have a healthy relationship for as long as he assumes that he’s the one in charge.
4. He doesn’t respect your boundaries
Just because you’re younger doesn’t mean that he should ignore your boundaries. You have a full right to live your life the way you want to. When you tell him that something makes you uncomfortable, he should respect your feelings and change his behavior.
If you notice that he’s not doing any of those things, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but this man thinks he has power over you. Just because he’s older, he assumes that you should be listening to him.
However, what he doesn’t realize is that by acting that way, he’s making you fall out of love with him. You’re his partner and he should treat you like that. Whenever you set a boundary, he shouldn’t cross it just because he’s “wiser” or “more mature.”
You’re not a child and you two should be clear on that.
5. He compares you with his previous partners
Despite the age difference, your partner should never compare you to those who came before you. His exes should stay in the past and that’s the only way for your relationship to work.
The moment he makes you feel like you’ll never be as good as his ex, start slowly packing your things. The chances are that this man has some unresolved past issues and emotional baggage that he keeps carrying with him everywhere he goes.
Even when you ask him to stop comparing you to his ex, he won’t think that he’s doing anything wrong. In that case, he should go back to his ex and try his luck one more time because you certainly can’t make him happy the way she did.
But once he realizes that he lost you, don’t be surprised to see him knocking at your door. Even though older men are generally seen as more mature, some of them are still unable to accept their mistakes.
6. He tries to make you feel powerless
When an older man starts a relationship with a younger woman, he may start to doubt himself. In the beginning, everything will feel fine but at one point, he’ll start to think that you’re going to leave him for someone younger.
This is an issue in most age-gap relationships. An older partner usually feels like he has to compete with younger men, and he assumes that he will lose that battle in a heartbeat. But instead of sharing his feelings with you, he tries to make you feel powerless.
In his head, a woman whose confidence is shaken is a woman who’s not going to leave him. And that’s what he’s trying to do.
He thinks that he can secure a place in your life by making you feel powerless. As soon as you notice this type of behavior, run away from him because you deserve so much more than that.
7. He keeps mentioning how he’s the one who financially supports you
If you’re still studying but your older partner is working, he may start financially blackmailing you. This is possible even if you’re working but earning less money than he does.
In both cases, he’ll keep on telling you how he’s the one supporting you and how you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. By doing so, he’s trying to gain control over you.
He assumes that you won’t leave him if you financially depend on him. However, what he doesn’t realize is that this kind of behavior is only showing you who he actually is.
No healthy relationship is based on power. As soon as he starts acting like he’s in charge, he’ll create an imbalance between you two and from that point on, it will all be ruined.
No matter how much you like him, you should walk away as soon as you notice any of these red flags. Of course, you can first have an honest conversation with him and let him know how you feel about it. But if you don’t notice a change in his behavior, it’s time to pack your bags.
I’m sorry to break it to you but relationships like this one lead nowhere and there’s not much you can do to change that.