Think aloud
A fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety about losing your loved ones.
You might feel like the people in your life will disappear if you don’t put all of your efforts into relationships or you might run away from every relationship because you’re afraid of getting your heart broken.
Either way, you might have a fear of abandonment.
This fear doesn’t just make a home in your chest overnight. It’s linked to the different experiences you have had with people over the years.
You may feel this enormous fear because of a childhood experience or because of an abusive ex-lover.
Whatever is to blame, a fear of abandonment can and will influence your life negatively, so how about we find out together if you experience this fear yourself.
1. You give too much in relationships
Due to your fear of abandonment, if you choose to start a relationship with someone, you go all in.
You do whatever it takes to please this person and to make them happy.
This goes to the extent of forgetting about your own wants and needs, because theirs are more important to you.
However, forgetting about your own boundaries in the name of a relationship is a clear sign you have a fear of abandonment.
You give too much and receive too little.
Relationships require work from both sides.
If he doesn’t deem all your efforts to be loving and caring acts, then it’s his fault, not yours. You don’t deserve to be in a one-sided relationship.
2. You push people away to avoid rejection
Another sign of your fear of abandonment is if you choose to avoid relationships altogether.
You push people away and don’t let them see your vulnerable side all because you’re scared you’ll get attached to them.
What happens when you get attached? You give them the possibility of hurting you.
You fear rejection because it is a direct blow to your self-esteem. It literally activates your anxiety and fear of abandonment.
That’s why it’s easier to stay away from people than to give them the possibility of hurting you.
3. You are very codependent
A very obvious sign of a fear of abandonment is when you have mostly been involved in codependent relationships.
You thrive on the fact that a person makes you feel needed, even if it’s anything but healthy.
You want to be helpful in every single way possible and they exploit that.
Your previous partners might have seen that they could take advantage of your fear of abandonment and they treated you whatever way they pleased, because they knew you wouldn’t leave.
4. You feel insecure in yourself and with your partner
As said previously, a fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety and it brings a lot of insecurities into your life.
Your fear is the main reason behind the fact that you feel extremely insecure in yourself.
You’re always looking in the mirror and nitpicking all the reasons why you deserve to be heartbroken.
This also transfers into a romantic relationship because if you don’t love yourself right then you can’t love your partner right.
You’re always questioning when he’ll leave you and you see every small fight as the end.
When he’s mad at you for whatever reason, you see that as a sign that he’ll leave you immediately, even if it’s not true.
5. You persist with unhealthy relationships
If you have a fear of abandonment then you should be able to spot it in the number of unhealthy relationships in your life.
Whether it is romantic relationships, friendships, or very unhealthy family links, you always end up as the victim.
This is because you sabotage connections by either being extremely emotionally unavailable or being very clingy.
If the other party is the one who is toxic toward you, you might not even realize it out of the fear that you might get your feelings hurt.
So you end up staying in that relationship as you can’t help it.
6. You’re very clingy
Because of your insecurities and your fear of abandonment, you can also be extremely clingy. What does this involve?
Besides always wanting to be physically around your partner, you’re also always texting and calling him.
If you do get a moment away from your partner, you get extremely anxious and you don’t even realize you’re being clingy.
Your fears and anxieties are valid, but you need to realize that no one is going to leave you permanently just because they have gone out with their friends for the night.
7. You’re jealous
Another very clear sign of a fear of abandonment is when you yourself are an extremely jealous person.
You fear that your partner will find someone better than you and leave you for them.
You see every other woman as a threat.
This leads to very uncomfortable conversations with your partner, where you’re always asking him about the women in his life, even if it’s just co-workers.
A little bit of jealousy can be adorable at times, but when it becomes a symptom of your fear of abandonment, it’s not that cute anymore.
However, if you are actually sure that he’s trying to make you jealous, then that is a whole other problem.
8. You’re in a state of constant anxiety
When you think of your partner, your first instinct isn’t to feel happiness, but rather anxiety.
Your smile fades whenever you think of him and you feel your stomach make a flip.
All of this because you think about all the bad things that could happen in your relationship that may lead to a breakup.
Your first thought might even be the last time you did something wrong in your relationship and he got mad.
This anxiety doesn’t leave you. It gets less obvious when you’re right next to him, but it never truly disappears.
9. You feel unworthy of love
Your insecurities, your clinginess, everything comes from a deeply-rooted fear of abandonment. Just like the fact that you feel unworthy of love.
You feel like no one will ever be able to love you. Even if they say they do, you take that with a grain of salt.
You want to believe them, you want to be able to say that you are deserving of love, but the fear of being left alone with a broken heart just gets the best of you.
However, let me tell you that you are deserving of love. You deserve to be loved and treated like the beautiful human you are.
If someone isn’t meant to stay in your life, they will leave and that is not always a bad thing.
The people who will love the real you, and your every trait, will stay next to you for the rest of your life.
You will just know that they won’t walk away.
