People have to be curious all the time and ask questions for the answers they’re seeking. Here I am one more time, diving into someone’s privacy, just to fulfill my personal needs.
As a kid of divorced parents, I have to admit that there were times when I thought about the possible solutions that could bring them back together. As I’m getting older, I’m learning that they were simply not compatible and that if they didn’t make this decision, my life would’ve been a horror story.
However, I know that’s not the case with all divorced couples and I’ve decided to ask around a bit. My question was “What do you think could’ve saved your marriage?” Here are their answers.
1. “We should’ve compromised more.”
“We were a good match, and we still are great friends. But, when it comes to ‘us’, it was non-existing. Both of us are strong and independent individuals, making it a bit difficult to keep the union together. Our personal cravings had to be satisfied.
It wasn’t supposed to be one vs another, but rather us vs the problem. If we were compromising more and putting the needs of the other before our own, from time to time, this would be a wonderful love story. This way, it’s a really good friendship.”
Eric (32) & Emma (29)
2. “For us, therapy would be the best solution.”
“This may be a bit weird to confess, but therapy would be the best solution if you ask us. We were in a bad place and neither of us saw the way out. We functioned well as a couple, but under a lot of stress both of us get emotional and we tend to shut down.
Having someone to help us navigate married life would help us a lot. But we were too stubborn and proud to admit that we need guidance. Or at least if we accepted individual help and worked on our personal issues and strengthened our personalities.”
Jan (28) & Julia (28)
“There’s no need to think twice about this answer when it comes to us. Communication. It’s the key to every healthy relationship and ours was far from that. We weren’t listening to each other’s needs and it was… Weird, so to say.
If we just stopped for a second to analyze what the other person was saying, it would be better. We would definitely still be together if we knew how to communicate. The sad part is that we talk more openly now than when we were married.”
Peter (30) & Zoe (27)
4. “Respect what each one of us brings to the union.”
“When it comes to us, we kind of didn’t respect each other. Or better said, we didn’t respect what the other brought to the union. Being married was like constant competition – who provided more for the family, who spent more time with kids, and who got tired the most.
That was really an unhealthy environment that both of us agreed on leaving. It was great that we made that decision together. Now, we’re raising our kids in one nurturing and full-of-love surrounding as amazing co-parents.”
Charlie (39) & Luna (36)
5. “Be more present.”
“Huh, that’s a really difficult question. Maybe, what could’ve saved our marriage would be if we were more present. Both of us were pursuing our goals and we forgot to share it with the person we shared the bed with.
You know, we were traveling for work often and checking our phones over and over again when we were supposed to chill together. We still love each other, but the problem is that we don’t know how to function as a couple. Perhaps we’ll figure it out down the road.”
Lucas (34) & Elise (31)
6. “If we waited longer before we got married.”
“Our biggest mistake was that we got married too fast. Don’t get us wrong, but we were too young to make that commitment. All our friends were getting married at that time and since we loved each other, we thought why not? And that’s where the problems started.
The wedding didn’t go as we planned (at all!), we didn’t have a chance to go on our honeymoon trip and we moved in with his parents because they had a big house. If we waited a bit longer, we would have been financially stable and done things our way.
We’re good together, there’s no doubt about that. But we didn’t like the people we became in marriage.”
Daniel (37) & Maria (35)
7. “Being close to our families actually led to our divorce.”
“This may sound a bit harsh, but being close to our families actually led to our divorce. Everybody just kept giving us advice that we didn’t ask for. Not only that it drove us crazy, but we couldn’t ignore them completely.
You know, a husband has to take care of the money, wife needs to keep the family together. On important dates visit his family first, then hers. And of course, listen to her mum and dad complaining how they’re not important.
We couldn’t move out or go abroad, so we decided that divorce is the best option. Maybe we’ll get back together; who knows? We sometimes joke about how we miss all that circus.”
Liam (29) & Noor (28)
8. “Appreciating the little things and saying thank you more often.”
“We should’ve appreciated the little things a bit more. Not that we weren’t paying attention to those, but it wasn’t enough. Celebrating small wins as well as great success would be better. This way, we only recognized something that was a big deal and we both felt like we need to do more.
Also, we weren’t saying thank you often enough. Even though some things were expected of us, hearing those two words would make the difference. She would make lunch with more love and I’d bring those flowers every single day after work. It is what it is…”
Adam (34) & Charlotte (29)
9. “Absolutely nothing.”
“Oh well, when it comes to our marriage, absolutely nothing could fix things. Let’s be honest. Some things are doomed to fail and our union was one of them. We don’t regret getting married, it was actually one of the best decisions of our lives.
We loved each other wholeheartedly and nothing can change that. Every story has an ending and divorce was ours. No one is to blame and point fingers at. We’re happy with how things were and how they are now. And most importantly, our kids have everything they need.”
Johannes (40) & Eva (38)
So, what do you say? Are you making some of these mistakes? Should you try and fix your marriage, or is divorce the only way out? Analyze the situation thoroughly and make the final decision together. You deserve that.