One of the hardest steps you have to take in life is finding closure after a breakup.
No matter whether you went through a good or bad breakup, it’s always hard to wrap things up.
Not getting closure makes reality look worse than it is.
Getting closure pushes you to accept the fact that your relationship is over and that there is no turning back.
However, when you find yourself in a situation where your ex refuses to talk to you for the life of him, you may start asking yourself what went wrong.
You wait for them to give you an answer to the question but it feels like it will never happen.
No calls, no texts, and no words from the one who used to mean the world to you (and maybe still does).
If your ex refuses to explain the reason for the breakup to you, it can make you feel like you are not good enough and that it was all your fault.
You imagine that he doesn’t see you as worthy of his time and that he erased from his memory everything you experienced together.
This can hurt like hell! The one who used to promise you the world doesn’t have the guts to explain to you what went wrong.
”Did he ever care for me or was he only pretending?”
Firstly, you need to realize that if you are looking for closure, you are the only one who is able to give it to yourself.
Your ex has already moved on (or he pretends that he has) so you shouldn’t see him as your ticket to the ‘Breakup Closure’ movie.
If you constantly rack your brains over the thought that he is the only one who can help you find closure, you are fooling yourself!
Maybe a conversation with him would only make it worse for you.
This can be a sign God is sending you to show you everything is happening the way it is supposed to.
Losing the one you imagined your future with can be terrifying but you need to move on for your own sake.
In this story, you will be your own hero. You won’t need him to help you as you will be the one who will save yourself.
If you recently went through a breakup and your ex refuses to have a conversation with you, then you can create closure for yourself.
Here are the ways that can help you move on, after being ignored by the one who meant the most.
1. Write down your feelings
The best way toward closure is to freely let your feelings and emotions out. Stop pretending that everything is okay if you don’t feel good.
Instead, take a piece of paper and express your emotions. Let everything come out.
‘I am angry, scared, sad, devastated, tired.‘ No matter what emotions you feel, don’t keep them inside.
Take one part of the day and turn it into a psychological session with yourself.
You can keep a diary of your emotions or write a letter. Do whatever works for you but don’t skip this step.
Sometimes, expressing your thoughts and emotions can be the best way to find closure about something that bothers you.
Think about it this way. Imagine your mind as a house and negative feelings and emotions as unwanted visitors.
In order for them to leave, you need to unlock the door. You are the one holding the key, and in this case, it’s a pen.
Write down what bothers you, unlock the door, and let the emotions go out.
You will feel instant relief as writing down will let go of everything you’ve been bottling up for too long.
2. Think of the reasons why they don’t want to talk to you
When your ex ignores you after a breakup, you immediately put that on yourself. You blame yourself and create negative scenarios in your head.
However, if you put things into a more positive perspective, you will feel the magic happening.
Instead of blaming yourself, write down some realistic scenarios.
He may be avoiding you as he’s afraid to be hurt again if he tries to stay in touch with you.
Maybe he’s afraid that he will never be able to give you what you deserve, or he’s simply afraid to be with anyone right now.
His refusal to talk to you may be for his own good. He simply doesn’t want to talk because he is afraid that it will hurt his feelings.
So, he stays away as it is safer for him, while you blame yourself, thinking it’s your fault.
Don’t always blame it on you. There are a number of reasons why something is happening the way it is and you can’t always be the one whose fault it is.
3. Cry it out
It’s okay to cry! No, it doesn’t mean that you are weak and no, it’s not a sign of failure!
You’ve been through a breakup and you’ve survived a roller coaster of emotions.
You can’t act like everything is fine and pretend that you are not suffering.
It’s perfectly okay to feel sad and in pain. So, forget about a fake smile, lock yourself in your room, and let the emotions flow freely.
Don’t force it, but cry it out and you will immediately feel better after it. Remember that tears are pain leaving the body.
After that, it will be easier to accept the situation you are currently in. Time will be your friend. Accept that things were meant to be this way.
4. Remember that the pain will pass
Everything is temporary! However you feel, know that it will pass. Pain can’t last forever as nothing is definite in our lives.
You are the one in control of your mind and only you can make a change. If you focus on the negative, your life will become negative.
However, if you focus on positive thoughts, the world will start opening up all kinds of doors for you.
Different opportunities will appear and you will be able to choose whatever you want.
So, remember that this pain will pass. It’s only an experience that will make you the person you are destined to be.
Don’t overthink it but rather be positive and enjoy the next chapter of your life.
5. Focus on what you deserve
You always deserve what is best for you. No matter what happens, you don’t need to beat yourself up.
Instead, focus on all of the opportunities that are still in front of you. Let go of what was in the past and aim for the future.
You will be amazed at what can happen when you focus on the things you deserve to get.
6. Forgive the mistakes both of you made
We all make mistakes and relationships are no exceptions. Both of you may have done something that hurt the other person and that’s understandable.
You can’t change the past; you can only forgive and move on.
In order to get closure, you need to take an important step – you need to forgive him but you also need to forgive yourself.
Forgiveness is the hardest step but once you take it, your closure will be just around the corner.
Be clear with yourself and understand that your mistakes are not going to define you.
The past should stay in the past and you shouldn’t let it interfere with the present or future.
Learn from your experiences, forgive him for his mistakes, and forgive yourself for the ones you made.
Once you successfully do that, you will be in a better place.
7. Move on with your life
Your experiences should be your lesson and they shouldn’t prevent you from moving on.
Having a negative attitude won’t help you find the closure you desperately want.
Once you understand that everything happened for a reason and that something better is waiting for you, you will be able to move on.
Negative experiences are there to learn from. Their job is not to keep you in the past and prevent you from continuing with your life.
So, take a deep breath, pick yourself up, and move on with your life.
Your closure will be found when you let yourself find it.