There are many things we face in relationships but since they reappear on a daily basis, we dismiss them as normal. We convince ourselves that things should be that way and there’s nothing to worry about.
Then, as you talk more with your friends, you realize that not many people go through the same things as you do. You realize that other couples aren’t making the same moves as you and your partner are.
But then again, you try to turn things around and look for mistakes in their relationships. Maybe they aren’t treating each other the right way. Maybe they don’t know what a healthy relationship should look like.
But is the blame really on them or should you try to change your unhealthy patterns?
Keep reading if you want to find out what things are deeply wrong that you may think to be normal. If you notice that you and your partner are doing any of them, you better stop before you get stuck in a toxic relationship.
1. Texting 24/7
Do you still think that you should be texting your boyfriend 24/7? Or is he the one who pushed this idea on you?
No matter what, you should know that constant communication doesn’t actually mean that you’re in a healthy relationship. If anything, it only says that you and your partner don’t trust each other enough.
Where there is a lack of trust, you need to be in touch constantly because you think that texting all the time reduces the chances of getting cheated on.
You think that the chances of your partner hurting you are less if you’re always in touch with him.
But the only thing this brings to you is a false belief that you have everything the way it’s supposed to be, while reality is far from it.
2. Picking your words carefully so you don’t hurt your partner
Have you got used to the fact that you have to pick your words carefully so that you don’t accidentally hurt or offend your partner? Do you still think that it’s the right thing to do?
Your intentions are right – you believe you’re doing the right thing because you just want to protect your partner. You want to make him feel happy and think this is the way to go.
But as time passes, you’ll realize that picking your words carefully brings you more harm than good.
It makes you feel that you’re doing great, while all those unsaid words keep filling up on the inside. So, you willingly make yourself a tempered bomb that could explode at any moment.
And when that happens, you’ll realize it was all of the suppressed feelings that got you to that point.
3. Ignoring your own feelings and needs in order to make your partner happy
How many times have you ignored your needs and feelings for the sake of your partner’s happiness?
It can be anything, from picking the place where you’ll eat to making a long-term decisions such as moving cities.
If you know that your choice will make your partner unhappy, you make sure to change it. You make sure to do or say whatever keeps him satisfied.
And whenever someone tells you that this behavior won’t take you far, you keep denying the truth.
You keep convincing yourself that you’re doing it all out of love for your partner and because you want to put a smile on his face.
But at one point, you’ll start resenting him for all those times you did anything against your wish. And that’s when it will hit you that some of the things you thought to be normal are actually deeply wrong.
4. Keeping your relationship secret
Maybe your partner’s got you convinced you that you should keep your relationship a secret. That way, no one will be able to interfere with the two of you and you’ll have a much stronger bond.
So, you do as he says, thinking that you’ve made the right call.
But what you don’t realize is that there’s a huge difference between keeping your relationship secret and keeping it private.
If your partner insists that no one knows about the two of you, you better be sure that there’s something sketchy going on.
5. Constantly avoiding arguments
Do you think that just because you don’t fight, your relationship is thriving? Do you think that avoiding arguments actually means that there are no problems that need solving?
If you can identify, then I must warn you that you’re deeply wrong.
Just because you and your partner aren’t fighting, you can’t really go around and tell people how your relationship has no issues at all. You can’t state that you’re holding all of the strings in your hands.
At one point, you won’t be able to take it anymore and an argument will escalate. And that’s when you’ll realize that you have no idea how to express your opinions the right way, without hurting your partner.
6. Being the one to apologize all the time
Maybe you think it’s a good thing to be the first to apologize. Perhaps you keep convincing yourself that you’re the one in the wrong so you have to fix it.
But do you really think that you can be responsible for every single problem that comes into your relationship? Do you truly believe that it’s all your fault?
Or are you doing it because you don’t want to get your partner angry?
Think about it for a second!
7. Checking each other’s phones
Checking each other’s phones isn’t healthy and it will never be.
Excuses such as “If you have nothing to hide, you won’t have any issues giving me your phone” actually make no sense. If you really want to play that card, then there’s always the counter-argument:
If you really trusted your partner, you would never even think about going through his phone in the first place.