When we were young, we spent hours imagining our wedding, daydreaming about the perfect guy, and thinking about our future.
We romanticized our love life and promised ourself that we would look for a real man, who would appreciate us the way we are.
However, as we got older, we started to change our opinion.
Different experiences shaped us and made us think that maybe it would be hard to find what we really wanted.
At that point, consciously or subconsciously, we made a decision that we would settle.
Sometimes it can be hard to admit to yourself that you are settling, as you always hated the meaning of that word.
‘To lead a more stable life; more routine’.
Routine! That awful, scary word which represents a terrible place we all want to stay away from.
Still, a lot of us end up there. All of a sudden or gradually, we begin to settle, thinking that it is the best option.
Previous failures, being called too picky, or feeling that you will never find what you want can make you believe that settling maybe isn’t the worst option.
However, it’s hard to confess to yourself that you are the one who is settling. Deep down, you know the truth but you want the proof.
Well, because you are thinking about it right now, the chances are that you already know the truth. If you want to be sure about it, then keep on reading.
This article will help you realize whether you have settled for less or not, especially if the person you are settling with doesn’t seem like a bad person at all.
He seems all right but you still sense that something isn’t right.
Read the following signs as they will make you understand whether you are settling or not.
1. You feel the need to prove your happiness
”If I am already stuck here, I’m going to make sure that everyone around me thinks that I am happy.”
If this is your philosophy, then you are probably settling for a man who would never be your number one choice.
People who are happy never try hard to prove their happiness. They just enjoy it and don’t brag about it to others.
On the other hand, those who are settling have an urge to share every important step in their life, which others may be envious of.
The two of you bought a new house – you shared the photos of it on Facebook; you went on vacation – you checked in so everyone will know where you are; you moved towns – you updated a heart-melting status about the success of your family.
It seems like you always need to prove your happiness to everyone but still, you are the only one who doesn’t believe in it.
Raving how happy you are to others when you know that the truth is different won’t improve your relationship, nor your state of mind.
It can only make you more desperate as you don’t know what to do next.
So, face the truth and do something to change it. Standing in the same spot and living in denial won’t do you any favors.
2. You convince yourself that you are happy
Besides convincing others that you are happy, you even need to convince yourself of it.
‘‘I am happy,” has become your everyday mantra but it won’t help you if you don’t take a step forward.
If you constantly need to reassure yourself that you are doing fine and that your relationship is not that bad, you are settling and struggling to admit it.
When we subconsciously know that we are not happy in a relationship, we tend to say to ourself that things could be worse.
You convince yourself that your partner is a great man, your relationship is stable and you feel secure in it.
However, deep down, you know that none of this matters if you need to prove to yourself that you are happy.
3. You believe that things will change
When you are the one who is settling in a relationship, you start making excuses and convincing yourself that the future holds something better.
You constantly reassure yourself that things will change and that you will be happier. ”This relationship just needs more time to find its flow.’‘
You will justify the reasons for staying in a relationship through expressions like, ”It’s nothing special but at least I feel stable and secure,’‘ or, ”It’s not perfect but he’s good with kids.’
This is an obvious sign that you are settling and deep down, you are aware of it.
You know that there is no passion or love, but just the feeling of stability and the habit of being together.
You will also try to prove to yourself that later on, somewhere down the road, things will start getting better and your feelings will change.
If you are waiting for marriage or kids to help you ignite the spark of love, you are only wasting your time.
If there is no intense feeling of love from the very beginning of the relationship, you can be sure that it won’t magically appear over the course of time.
Expecting life events to save your relationship is an unreasonable belief and trust me, it won’t happen.
Nothing can change the feeling of no emotional bond or connection between you and your partner.
4. You are the one who compromises
If you feel that you are the one who is supposed to compromise the whole time, then you are also the one who is settling.
Your partner ignores your wishes and always chooses something that works for him because you are letting him do that.
Still, instead of reacting, you continue to compromise as you don’t have the will to fight with him.
You ignore your needs because it’s easier to settle than to confront him as it could lead you to a breakup.
You convince yourself that it doesn’t affect you, as your feelings toward him are not bursting with passion.
5. You notice only bad things about your partner
We all start noticing our partner’s flaws as we get to know each other better.
However, if his negative sides are the only things that you can see in him, it means that you are not happy and that you decided to settle in this relationship.
You’ve got to a point where you can’t see anything good in him and in your eyes, he looks like a human version of an annoyance.
You don’t like the way he talks, laughs, or even thinks, but you don’t do anything about it as you know that he could never be someone you can truly love.
Piece by piece, the little things that irritate you add up, and your unhappiness grows.
Are you willing to change or are you going to stay in a relationship where nothing seems right?
6. You are afraid to be alone
There are rare times when you are single as you immediately start looking for someone new, someone with whom you could enter into a relationship.
This fear of being alone often leads you to settle, and the same is happening right now.
It can be hard to be alone when everyone around you is in a happy relationship. That’s why you try to recreate the same.
Instead of waiting for the right one to come, you settle in a mediocre relationship, thinking that it will be better for you.
However, you don’t feel happy but rather emotionally drained and exhausted.
Settling will never be the better option. It could only make you hate yourself and be disgusted by the actions you’ve taken.
Being alone would make you value and appreciate yourself and after that, you wouldn’t let yourself settle in a relationship that’s not good for you.
7. Your gut instinct senses that something is off
The best way to know if you are settling is by being honest with yourself and admit that you feel it in your gut.
Our feelings never lie to us. You will feel it in your stomach that something is off and you won’t need anyone to show it to you.
When you try so hard to convince yourself that you’re happy with your relationship and that things are in perfect shape, but you still feel the need to scream on the inside, that’s when you know that you are settling.
You can fool others but you are the one who is hard to fool.
Your heart knows that he isn’t the right one for you and that you trying too hard won’t change anything.
It can only make you more desperate as you are sinking deeper and deeper.
By settling, we only make ourself miserable.
It’s impossible to live a life with a man who doesn’t make you feel all kinds of beautiful emotions when the only one you feel is resentment.
Admitting this to yourself can hurt like hell but at least you’ve acknowledged the truth. After that, start looking for a solution and make a change.
It’s easier to change now than to remain silent for years, as eventually, you won’t be able to take it anymore.
You will break into pieces because of something you could’ve changed a long time ago.
If you are settling, decide to take things into your own hands.
Unlock the chains and set yourself free. That’s when the magic will happen.