When you’re healing from narcissistic abuse it’s hard to see things clearly. You’re doubting everything and everyone because you believe that there’s no way to actually move on from what he did to you.
I completely understand what you’re thinking right now. It’s like your brain is trying to fight against you instead of helping to heal you. It’s not helpful at all when your own mind keeps asking questions that you don’t have the answers for.
In these moments you need someone to remind you that you’re on the right path and to shut out those intrusive thoughts. I know that your friends are doing their best, but sometimes it’s simply not good enough.
If anything, you’ve heard their advice one too many times, which is exactly why a fresh set of reminders will give you a whole new perspective on things. I’m here to hold your hand through this entire process.
1. I am so much more than what happened to me
So many survivors of narcissistic abuse forget that they’re so much more than the abuse they went through. Everyone finds it so much easier to see a survivor as someone broken and bruised because of that, so you start to think that you fit into that mold, too.
However, that’s not true. You’re so much more! This is a reminder you definitely need if you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, because otherwise, you may get stuck in a continuous loop of intrusive thoughts.
You’re a strong individual who found herself at the wrong place at the wrong time. It’s not your fault that he thought you were the perfect candidate for his little games. Your emotions were real and his behavior has no excuse.
Please stop thinking that this will define you for the rest of your life. Your past is only a lesson that you can learn from, but you don’t have to carry it with you until the end of time.
2. I didn’t make it up, it really did happen
Narcissists have a great way of gaslighting their victims. That’s why you’re still wondering if what happened to you was real or not. You’re actually questioning if he’s been such a bad human being or if you were just imagining it.
He would make different types of excuses for his behavior, so you would question if you were the actual bad guy in this entire story. Whenever he did something to make you cry he’d tell you that you were the one who was being manipulative. Even when he would obviously use your emotions against you, you still thought that it wasn’t his fault.
Now, your brain is playing tricks on you. That’s exactly why gaslighting is so dangerous! You feel like you’re going crazy because you know that something doesn’t feel right, but he makes you second guess yourself.
This is your reminder that it did actually happen and that your emotions are completely valid. Every single experience that you had is real, and the distorted reality that he created will disappear once you start to work on your mental health.
3. I was right for leaving him
This is a very important reminder for people who are healing from narcissistic abuse. You need to remember why you left him, even if it’s triggering, it’s still the most painful decision you had to make.
Once your friends started to realize what was going on, they did everything in their power to get you out of there. You felt deep within your bones that something was wrong, but you couldn’t find the strength to walk away.
So, once you couldn’t take it anymore, you chose to pack up all of your things and walk out of his life. He probably tried to manipulate you into believing that there’s nothing wrong and that you’re overreacting. Good thing you had enough strength in you to walk away.
So many people never find it within themselves to do what you did. This is an obvious revelation of your strength which always was, and always will be, a huge part of you. Even if he wasn’t a narcissistic piece of work, just the thought of leaving should’ve been enough to justify your actions.
You did great! I’m so proud of you!
4. I don’t have to give him any type of closure
This is the moment when you could get into serious trouble. A narcissist believes that he deserves your attention or that he deserves to get your closure. Just because you walked away from him doesn’t mean that he’s going to leave you alone.
He’ll do anything just to get your attention again. With that being said, he’ll even try to guilt-trip you into giving him closure. However, you’re not going to give him any!
Wasn’t it enough that he destroyed your trust in love and made you cry every single day in your relationship? He doesn’t deserve any type of closure! If anything, he should’ve gotten the memo the very moment when he came home and you weren’t there.
Is he really that stupid that he wasn’t able to figure things out himself, or does he believe that there’s something else he could do to keep you around? It doesn’t even matter anymore.
If he needs closure, he can find it by himself. Just like you’re healing by yourself.
5. I’m none of the things he called me
Narcissists have the tendency to call you some awful names. At times those insults would hit home because he knew your insecurities, and he used them against you. He used them to control you and to make you believe that you were not good enough, so you should be lucky that he chose you.
You can still hear his voice in your head. You can still hear those insults like he’s been whispering them into your ear this entire time. It hurts!
Stop! Baby, it’s over. His words don’t have any power over you anymore and you can start healing. Just because he called you selfish doesn’t mean that you actually are.
All those times when he called you names he was projecting his own insecurities onto you. Those things have nothing to do with you! They were nothing more than his stupid attempt at control.
6. I love myself, so I will heal – sooner or later
You will heal. Sooner or later, an entire day will pass where you won’t even think of him. You won’t feel like you’re falling apart at the mere thought of him.
Even your triggers won’t be the same as before, because they won’t have that much impact on you. His power over you will be gone, and you won’t get the feeling like you’re crumbling from the inside out.
You love yourself and you’re not selfish for putting yourself first! It doesn’t matter what he thought of you, you loved yourself enough to walk away from him. Because of that, you’ll heal even if it seems like it’s taking you ages to do so.
And when things fall back into place, you’ll even be able to let someone else love you the way you were always meant to be loved.
At the end of the day, healing is a very long process, so don’t rush it. Give yourself time.
7. It’s okay to seek help
When you’re healing from narcissistic abuse it’s not always easy to seek help. He made you believe that it’s nothing more than a weakness and that you should be able to deal with things by yourself.
Little did you know, those were his ways to isolate you and stop you from finding someone who will call him out on his awful behavior. Now, you don’t have to accommodate him anymore. You can, and you should find someone who will guide you through this healing process.
Because of this, you should definitely find a therapist and a support system that will be helpful in the long run. If you’re close with your friends and family, they will understand your need for professional help and they will support you.
You have the right to seek help and you should utilize it. Please know that you don’t have to go through this on your own.