Unfortunately, there’s a lot of stigma around divorced people. In some communities, it’s practically taboo. However, the people that have been through divorce have learned a lot of lessons. You know what they say: An ex is an ex for a reason.
So, there’s definitely something that divorced people get out of their past relationships. And it’s usually a major experience.
Moreover, the relationship and marriage that didn’t work out gave them a taste of something they wished for but realized they were better off without.
Unfortunately, some people give themselves too much right by labeling divorcees as cowards or weaklings. On the contrary, I think they’re brave enough for standing up for themselves.
It’s not easy to walk away, especially if you’re the first one to do it. For some people, it’s the hardest thing they’ve ever done, but in their case, it paid off.
Just imagine the pain of leaving after you’ve been with that person for so long. You’re not just leaving some person behind, you’re leaving a complete period of your life with memories and feelings.
Some divorcees wish they’d done it sooner instead of waiting so long for something to change. Other people wish they hadn’t ignored the red flags that were present the entire time. They wish they weren’t oblivious to:
1. Insignificant lies
“He would always tell a lie as if it was nothing. It started off with small lies that I thought were insignificant, so I didn’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill.
But over time, it got to the point where he was constantly avoiding the truth and making up terrible excuses. And it got even worse when I began to question him.
It’s the red flag that was always waving in front of me but I somehow missed it. I only noticed there was a problem when I started hearing stories he told other people that didn’t match what he told me.”
2. Brutal honesty
“She always used to say how brutally honest she was, and how she genuinely liked that about herself. The worst part is that she’d never feel any remorse about what she’d say.
There were times when her words really hurt, but she never gave them much thought. I don’t know why I trusted her when she said that it’s just her opinion or just the way she is.
This was a major red flag that I wasn’t really second-guessing because I didn’t want to come off as weak and cowardly for not being able to handle the truth.”
3. A bunch of friends
“I used to feel lonely all the time. Even when we were together. That said, it was really rare for her to stay home with me.
She said she had a big circle of friends. But where did that leave me? Watching movies on my own. Eating dinner on my own. I most definitely fell asleep on my own most of the time.
She made me think I was just needy and clingy. I didn’t want to make her feel as if she was suffocating in our marriage, so I gave her space. But now I think that it was a bit too much space.”
4. Crazy exes
“When we first started dating, I didn’t think much of it. Everyone has at least one crazy ex in their lives. But I’ve now learned that a major red flag is when all of your exes are out of their mind.
He used to trash-talk them and tell me how he was the one to end things because he just couldn’t take their awful behavior. But is it really possible that ALL of your exes are unhinged? It’s not, trust me.
Unfortunately, I didn’t realize this until much later on. It got to me when we started getting in fights and he told me I was out of my mind. That’s when it occurred to me that the only person in all of his relationships and even marriage who doesn’t have it all together is him.”
5. Invading privacy
“If you’re in love with someone, and especially if you’re married to them, you share everything. At least that’s what I used to think.
For instance, I never went through her phone or her stuff because I trusted her and thought we were on the same page about that. She, on the other hand, didn’t share the sentiment.
My ex wife thought it was strange of me not to let her check my phone every now and then, even if there was nothing there for her to find. As time went by, she would get more and more annoyed.
This would only make her lose control. Crazy to even think back to it now, but I’d often wake up in the middle of the night, only to find her going through my phone. Divorced people know what I’m talking about when I say that it’s a major step back in the marriage.”
6. Competitive spirit
“Sure, it’s always good to have a bit of a competitive spirit. It can sometimes get you places. But not when you’re married.
A married couple shouldn’t think of each other as some kind of rival. Unfortunately, all I was to him was a contestant.
If I got a compliment from someone, he’d make sure to show off his new hairstyle or brag about how he’s going to the gym. There was always something in which he was better than me.”
7. Butterflies or nervousness?
“You know how you get butterflies in your stomach whenever you’re near your significant other? It’s one of the most beautiful feelings – an age-old symbol of being in love.
In my case, though, those butterflies were replaced by another, gut-wrenching feeling. I always used to be nervous when he was around.
Back then, I thought it was just love. It turns out that it was something similar to stage fright. I constantly felt that I was about to be judged by him for something I did or didn’t do.”