Children of narcissistic parents have grown up without empathy or support from their primary caregivers. You can just imagine how much that influenced them throughout their development.
Things like these are extremely important for a child’s development and their absence can be felt for the rest of their life.
You are scarred for life by a toxic and selfish lover, so imagine growing up with parents who are just like that or maybe even worse.
Children of narcissistic parents love differently. They have never been taught how to love someone, how to be empathetic to people, and other matters that are crucial for building a healthy relationship.
Everything they know today, they have learned themselves. Because of that, it’s so important to understand the children of narcissistic parents.
1. They have a fear of and need for commitment
Children of narcissistic parents very often settle for a relationship as a promise of forever.
When you grow up with parents who withdrew love from you as a form of punishment, the need for love is always present.
A long-term relationship can provide a very weird and unique sense of comfort.
There’s someone who wakes up every day and loves you, how is that not beautiful?
When you’re in a committed relationship, you don’t feel so lonely or alienated anymore.
However, they also have a deep-rooted fear of commitment. Committing to one person means giving them a lot of power over you.
The prospect of a long and stable relationship that promises forever can be frightening.
To them, staying in a relationship for so long means giving someone complete control over their life.
That’s why they withdraw from relationships when they become too intense.
This internal fight that they have going on with themselves helps them keep away from people who are not good for them.
On the other hand, it also pushes away the people who actually want to treat them right. It’s an eternal battle.
2. They aren’t capable of forming actual boundaries
Children of narcissistic parents grow up believing that boundaries are a bad thing. Saying no to something will always be punished.
This is especially dangerous if they end up dating someone narcissistic in the future.
Creating healthy boundaries keeps you safe. It’s like making sure you’re not being consumed by the wants and needs of your partner.
Because of things like these, it’s hard to form healthy relationships. They’re not able to communicate their needs and that frustrates them.
Children of narcissistic parents have grown up believing that they should only give without ever receiving anything.
They think they should never ask for the things that make them happy and they can never say no to things that make them uncomfortable.
3. They’re always waiting for something bad to happen
If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who grew up with narcissistic parents, you’ll know that they’re always waiting for something bad to happen.
They don’t see kindness and love as unconditional, but rather as things that need to be paid back.
If you’re nice to them, they’re always suspicious of your motives. That’s exactly because they grew up with parents who made them fear kindness.
They knew that they’d get hurt the very moment they let their guard down, which led to a fear of intimacy that needs years of therapy to overcome.
The only thing their partner can do is give them constant reassurance and support them throughout their process of healing.
4. They’re attracted to toxic people
This doesn’t mean that every person who has grown up with narcissistic parents only goes after other toxic people.
However, children of narcissistic people have learned from a young age that toxic and manipulative behavior is a form of love.
It might sound weird to us, but their parents told them they loved them right before punishing them.
They told them that the things they did to them were out of pure love.
Every child has experienced different things but it all comes down to the fact that these children were victims of some kind of abuse from a very young age.
Because of that, they grew up to think that the behavior of their parents was the equivalent of love.
They seek out partners who emit that same type of behavior.
5. They never ask for help
Independence can be a double-edged sword.
It’s amazing when you’re able to do everything yourself, but it becomes a problem when you grow up into someone who isn’t able to ask for help.
Many children of narcissistic parents find themselves in one-sided relationships and friendships that drain them to the bone.
They don’t ask for things in return and they don’t know how to stop giving.
That’s why it’s a huge problem.
Relationships, be it romantic or platonic, require a lot of effort from both sides and they can’t survive when only one person is giving their everything.
Children of narcissistic parents need to unlearn this and learn to ask for help, love, and attention.
We all deserve it, and just because someone’s parents didn’t teach them how to accept love doesn’t mean that they can’t learn it later in life.
6. They’re full of love
Even though children of narcissistic people can’t love someone from the very beginning, they can fall in love.
When they do love someone, it’s like they’ve opened up a bottomless pit of pure and undeniable devotion.
Once they grow accustomed to the safety of someone who doesn’t want to harm them, they give them their all.
People whose intentions are pure and people who understand their struggles are those who get all of their respect and love.
They know what it’s like to be unloved and manipulated. Because of that, they would never want to hurt someone intentionally.
Once someone has earned their trust, they love with an undeniable passion. They take special care of the people who are close to them.
Just because they were raised by narcissistic parents, it doesn’t mean that they’ll end up just like them.