Do you have the feeling that the guy you are dating or are in a relationship with is being possessive and controlling?
Maybe he freaks out every time you hang out with other people, regardless of whether they are men or women.
Or maybe he starts a fight every time something doesn’t go his way.
You should know before we start that there is a very thin line between being a possessive and a protective lover.
However, what separates the two? If you pay attention to the signs in this article, you could realize in time.
A relationship that is possessive can stimulate feelings of unhappiness, anger, sorrow, and depression.
A man will not tell you everything that you want to hear, but he will show you through his actions.
Sometimes you won’t even notice that your partner is being possessive.
His actions will appear to you as caring and sweet, and you will think that he has your best interests at heart.
It is hard to change a partner who is possessive. However, what you can do is have a conversation about the problems at hand and set some ground rules.
You need to be respected and that is something that he should know about.
You need to make him realize that the things he does are not good for either of you.
Just to clarify one thing. Love and obsession are not the same thing.
A partner who truly loves you will give you the freedom that you need and you will feel liberated in the relationship.
However, a partner who is possessive and obsessive will restrict you and you will feel obligated to him.
A little bit of jealousy can develop into possessive behavior, which can lead to emotional or even physical abuse.
You should never take possessiveness in a relationship lightly.
1. He tells you what to wear
A partner who displays possessive behavior will tell you what clothes of yours he approves and disapproves of.
And that will happen after just a couple of weeks of dating him. These are early signs of a possessive boyfriend.
If you are going out, he has already planned or approved what you will wear and that is a huge red flag.
He will make sure that you have his approval before going out.
He might even go as far as to say how you should keep your hair a particular length or how he prefers you to do your make-up.
This does not create healthy relationship boundaries because he reaches into your personal space and influences how you look.
2. He says it’s all because of his love for you
His jealousy, possessiveness, and controlling behavior all have one thing in common or one common source and that is love.
He will try to justify his behavior by saying that it all comes from loving you, and he will use the ‘love card’ as an excuse for his toxic behavior.
By doing so, he is actually creating an escape route, to avoid responsibility and blame.
The problem is the possibility of you buying into his words, where you believe that his behavior is justifiable because of his love.
This is a normal response since you are too scared to face reality.
And that is exactly what you should do. Be courageous, be strong, and face your problems.
3. He doesn’t like when you spend time with friends
If he complains about you spending too much time with your friends, then that is a clear sign you are dating a possessive guy.
It doesn’t matter to him whether your friends are male or female.
He is jealous that you are not spending every minute with him and that you are away from him. It makes him crazy.
The thing is that you are a confident, independent woman and you should have your space.
You should be able to hang out and spend your time with whoever you want, despite his opinions.
You ask, “How can I deal with such a situation?” Well, the answer is simple.
You tell him that if he wants to be with you, he needs to give you space and time to spend with your friends and to have your own separate life.
You may encourage him to do the same thing, so he can pursue his own interests and hobbies.
Several scientific papers have stated that many couples credit having time apart from each other for their happy marriage.
4. He shows up unexpectedly
If your partner appears when you least expect it, then my darling, you are dealing with a possessive lover.
He might push your boundaries and surprisingly show up at your lunch date or on your work break just to see what you are doing.
It might not be a huge deal at first, but it could actually develop into him controlling your situation and environment.
Maybe he doesn’t trust where you are and he just wants to check in. Maybe he doesn’t feel comfortable being apart from you. The reasons are endless.
If your partner only occasionally stops by and surprises you, that will feel pleasant, and it means he is OK giving you enough space and he will respect your time with friends.
On the other hand, if he is clingy, the best way to deal with it is to say straightforwardly that that is not cool and he needs to change that part of his character.
5. He becomes defensive
A possessive partner will become defensive every time that you try to communicate openly with him about your need to have personal space and that he needs to accept who you are.
A possessive partner will swiftly come up with numerous excuses to support and justify his behavior toward you.
He doesn’t think he is wrong and he always had that kind of relationship in the past, where he was possessive and jealous.
6. He wants you to fulfill his every wish
If he wants you to immediately fulfill his every wish, then you are dealing with a possessive partner.
He cannot wait for gratification any longer and he needs it constantly.
Despite being a good girlfriend and catering to his every wish, to him, it is never enough.
The first time you say no he will go ballistic and be angry toward you.
Communicating openly and telling him that you also have needs and feelings that need to be attended to may solve the problem, but be careful.
If that behavior continues after the conversation, then you should probably walk away from him.