When the honeymoon is over, when years pass by and the rose-colored glasses come off, you see that you’ve been in a toxic marriage all along.
For some, there comes a time when their love story begins looking like something they feared all along.
Sometimes, people don’t even understand what’s wrong. It just feels like you’d be better off with someone else or completely alone, but you’re stuck in this marriage.
You still love your husband and that is evident. That’s why it’s so hard to face the fact that things aren’t going the way you wanted them to.
You imagined a life, side by side, with the love of your life. How can such a story become toxic?
Well, sometimes people change. Other times we’re left to wonder if we ever knew them at all.
Just because you two love each other doesn’t mean that you’re right for each other. Some people don’t know how to stop being toxic to their partner, no matter how hard they try.
So is that weird feeling you’re having just trying to warn you that you truly are in a toxic marriage? Are you able to decipher the signs?
1. Your boundaries are ignored
You probably know by now that there’s no way any relationship can be healthy if certain boundaries aren’t respected.
For example, you told your husband that you don’t feel comfortable when his friends are over so you asked him to meet with them somewhere else.
He said he’ll consider it yet still brought his friends around.
Another scenario could be when he absolutely ignores the fact you’re not allowed to use your phone at work.
He blows your phone up with calls and text messages and even gets mad if you don’t answer.
If he truly behaves like that – if he really doesn’t mind overstepping your boundaries like he doesn’t respect you at all – then that man is extremely toxic.
He wants you to always be at his disposal and never question him, but once you want something he gets defensive.
2. He guilt-trips you
Whenever you try to do something for yourself and become someone better, he makes you feel bad about it.
A classic example is when you’re offered a higher-paying job, he doesn’t support you, but rather makes you feel bad about earning more than him.
When you try to work on improving yourself through exercise, diets, or learning, he makes you feel guilty about that as well.
You want to work out, but he tells you that it’s taking up precious time that should be spent on cooking him dinner.
He simply doesn’t support any decision you make and it only gets worse with every new idea you have.
That’s why you probably even stopped trying after the last time he accused you of cheating on him, simply because you wanted to lose some weight.
3. You lost all your friends
I know your partner should be your priority. I don’t doubt you’ve made that clear to everyone around you that you’d do anything for him.
But you need friends and family as well in order to create happiness in your life.
When was the last time you went out with the girls? When was the last time you simply went out to get coffee with them and talk about life?
You’ve been cooped up in your house for too long now. He tells you that you shouldn’t go out anymore because now you’re a married woman.
He makes a scene every time you so much as talk on the phone with your friends because he thinks that there are more important things to be done.
Over the course of your marriage, you’ve lost almost all of your friends.
He’s still having fun with his pals or maybe you’ve turned the page and you give him hell for going out without you.
Either way, it’s an extremely toxic marriage you’re in if this is how you two behave.
4. You go through long silent stretches
Whenever a fight ends badly, you slam doors shut and the house goes utterly silent.
You only exchange a few words here and there and act like nothing’s wrong in front of the kids.
But you can’t hide the fact that you’ve stopped sleeping in the same bed anymore.
You can’t handle conflict very well and your husband isn’t making things any easier for either of you.
That’s a clear sign of toxic marriage.
You can’t solve problems by avoiding each other, that’s a fact.
Conflicts are only solved when two people are willing to sit down and talk things through.
5. He constantly criticizes you
No one’s perfect. That much we’ve learned throughout our lives. At the end of the day, we’re all humans who make mistakes.
So why aren’t yours forgiven? Not even by the man who’s supposed to love you for the rest of your life?
He finds any and every reason to criticize you. He picks apart your outfit, your weight, your cooking – even your parenting skills.
There’s nothing you can do to please him. He slams things about you that you’re even proud of.
You thought that you did something good, but he went out of his way to find fault with it.
Besides that, you’ve heard your fair share of insults about all your shortcomings.
Deep down, you know it’s not a healthy marriage if you’re with someone who treats you this way.
6. He violates your privacy
This could include a long list of actions.
For instance, he’ll purposefully eavesdrop on your conversations, he’ll go through your phone when you’re not around.
Perhaps, he goes through your clothes for any sign you bought something with his money that he doesn’t know about.
Or maybe he wants to catch you cheating, even though you’d never think of it.
There is a huge difference between privacy and secrecy, and everyone is allowed to have privacy. Even in marriage.
You two should have built up that trust ages ago. Without trust, you can’t expect to have a healthy marriage.
So if he really is violating your trust by going through your private things, it’s time to face facts:
He’s truly a toxic husband and you’re in a toxic marriage.
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