Have you ever heard of the term “Limerence”? I believe that this may interest you, as this is something that is not as well known as it should be.
Limerence is a term that was presented to the world in the year 1979. It represents an obsessive love that is unhealthy for all the people who participate therein.
It’s unhealthy because it’s mostly not reciprocated and it can have very devastating effects on the person who’s experiencing this type of love. Limerence can go to extremes and can even border on insanity.
There are many similarities between this and the actual experience of love. However, love focuses on reciprocation and on the need to care for someone. When you love someone, you experience this overwhelming need to keep the other person safe.
On the other hand, limerence doesn’t focus on intimacy, it’s all about obsession. The final goal is to get someone’s affection. There isn’t an actual indicator that can determine if you’ll stay with that person once they reciprocate your feelings.
So, what are the signs that you’re not actually experiencing love, but limerence?
1. You make up fantasies about the two of you
The main difference between love and limerence is the number of fantasies you have about the two of you. When you love someone, you’ll daydream about them, but you won’t fall into a maladaptive state of mind.
Even though your relationship is very shallow and you don’t even know each other that well, you’re always fantasizing about him. You may have not even talked to him, but you’ve made up a persona in your head that represents him.
You imagine how you’re the center of his affection, how he adores you, and how hard he’s trying to win your heart. Even when you’re with other people, your mind is in a completely different place.
When you imagine these things, you have real emotional reactions to them, as if it’s actually happening.
2. You take up all of his traits
Someone who’s suffering from limerence gets so obsessed with their person that they put them on a pedestal. And because they’re so high up there, you end up adopting their traits.
You search this person up online, follow them on social media, and look through their photos and interests. Once you find out what you need to see, you make his favorite band your favorite band. His favorite food is now yours too.
Anything that he likes becomes a part of your personality. From his favorite color to his sense of humor. Wherever it’s possible, you even copy his style or find out what he likes to see on girls and then go shopping immediately.
This is very unhealthy as you can see, but your obsession can’t be helped.
3. You believe that he’s your soulmate
You become so crazy from the overwhelming feelings that you feel like you were born to love that person. It doesn’t matter if he feels the same way about you, you just know that you’re meant for each other.
Everything that he does gives you a reason to believe that you’ve just been waiting to meet him in your life. There’s nothing that can convince you otherwise because you can see just how special he is, there’s no way it’s a coincidence.
So many people say that they’ve met their soulmate. However, you can’t know that at first glance. You’re supposed to get to know that person and create a deep connection with them to know.
You essentially know nothing about his inner being because all of your info comes from your shallow relationship with him and your stalking. So you turn the smallest coincidences into big deals.
4. You’re jealous even though you’re not together
Jealousy is a completely normal human emotion, but with limerence, it’s a very different experience. When you’re so obsessed with someone, everyone is a threat to your love story. You see everyone as a potential enemy.
It doesn’t matter if he’s just friends with some women, you still experience a huge rush of possessiveness. You even get jealous of the women he dated beforehand because you feel like you own him in one way or another.
Limerence makes you blind with jealousy because you feel like you have a claim on the person you consider to be your soulmate. Even if he does little things like liking someone else’s picture, you throw a full-on tantrum.
You can’t believe that he’d do something like that to you, but in actuality, he’s not in a relationship with you and he doesn’t owe you anything.
5. You relive each moment you’ve spent together
When you do bump into him, you go home utterly overcome with joy. You get giddy from the encounter and relive the moment over and over again.
You go over the things he said, his body language, and so on. He doesn’t even have to do something special, you’re just so enthralled by him that you think of everything as extraordinary.
When you go home, you’re ready to spend hours thinking about him and imagining him. You save every bit of info in your memory so you can recall and relive it afterward.
6. When they’re not around you, you fall into a deep depressive state
This type of behavior is also consistent with certain mental illnesses like BPD, but when you’re suffering from limerence, your entire mood of the day is focused around him.
If a day goes by where you don’t see him, you fall into a deep depressive episode. His absence drains all of your energy because you did everything to run into him but couldn’t get to him.
The worst type of depression comes when he doesn’t reply to your texts or when he cancels on your date. You feel like your entire world is collapsing and there’s nothing and no one who can help you through this.
You often get very irritated during this time, resulting in many conflicts with people who aren’t even responsible for your mood.