We expect guys to be all macho and tough, and we ignore the fact that there are some emotionally damaged men who are having a hard time in relationships.
They don’t know the right way to treat the person they love since they’ve never experienced real love. Throughout their lives, their feelings have been something no one talked about and they’ve been expected to deal with them on their own.
As a result, they’ve grown into men who sweep their emotions under the rug, have trouble expressing them, and certainly have no idea how to deal with them.
But sometimes, you might fall for a guy who doesn’t treat you best. It’s obvious that he’s not a master of his emotions so you attribute it to the fact that he’s had some serious troubles in the past.
He himself lives under the excuse that he’s emotionally damaged and his whole life, he’s had a hard time dealing with his feelings.
But there’s a significant difference between an emotionally damaged man and a douche who uses this state to cover up his cruel behavior.
And here’s how you can spot him.
1. He uses the same excuse for all of his mistakes
Every time this guy hurts your feelings and you confront him about it, you know that you’ll hear the same old lame excuse.
“I’ve never known what love feels like and it’s obvious that you can’t accept that. Don’t you think I’d love to be different? But all my life, people walked over me and emotionally neglected me. I guess you won’t treat me any differently.”
If you’re familiar with this scenario, then it could mean that your guy isn’t emotionally damaged. Instead, he’s a selfish douche who refuses to admit to his mistakes.
He uses the excuse that he’s never been loved the right way and plays on the remorse card. You then feel bad for confronting him and try what you can to put a smile on his face.
So, over and over again, you go through the same scenario. He hurts you, you explain your feelings to him, and then he gives the same excuse he’s used so many times before.
Not once do you see him admitting he’s wrong and taking responsibility for his mistakes. And that’s evidence enough that he knows very well what game he’s playing with you.
2. You always fight about the same things
Every time you point out something he did that hurt your feelings, he ignores it completely.
He listens to you, but your words never go past his short-term memory. He forgets about them the moment you stop talking.
And as a result, you always keep fighting about same things and he always keeps giving you the same comebacks. It’s a vicious circle that’s almost impossible to get out of.
The only way to save yourself from him is to leave him. It’s clear that there’s no way he’ll change anything about himself.
3. He makes you feel bad when he’s the one who hurt you
Whenever he hurts your feelings, you end up being the one who feels bad. How’s that even possible?
Well, every time you explain to him how something made you feel, he uses this sad little story about how people never understood him, he was always neglected, and nobody ever loved him properly.
Then he might slip in the part where he finally felt home when he found you, but it looks like you’ll be leaving him soon too.
After that, you feel bad for him because you don’t want to see him sad because of something you said to him.
Of course, you don’t want him to act all heartbroken because, after all, it’s his actions that hurt your feelings. But you fall for his story because he’s a pro manipulator by now and he knows how to get everything he wants.
So you end up being the one who feels bad for him, even though it was him in the first place who hurt you.
This is a messed up game and your boyfriend is all too aware of it. That’s what makes him an even bigger douche.
4. He breaks up with you and then expects you to beg him to get back together
Another sign that he’s a douche and not an emotionally damaged guy is the fact that he has a tendency to break up with you and then wait for you to make the first move.
He gives you clues that he wants you to chase him, and then when you get back together and ask him why he broke up with you in the first place, he acts all innocent.
He sells you a story that he sensed that you’ll leave him, that he doesn’t know what a healthy relationship feels like, or that he thought you don’t love him anymore.
Any of those excuses work well when you’re a douche covering himself up as emotionally damaged guy.
5. He guilt-trips you whenever you spend time with friends or family
Every time you hang out with your close ones, he makes you feel bad about it.
He acts as if you’ve chosen them over him, or as if you’ve been emotionally neglecting him. And every time you go out with anyone else besides him, you know you’ll hear the same attack when you come home.
He makes you feel go guilty for going out with others that for the past few months, you’ve been ignoring your friends and family. Every time they invite you out, you find an excuse and decide to stay home.
It’s obvious that this guy is a douche who wants to control your every move, and being emotionally damaged is a simple excuse for his bad behavior.
6. When he’s in a bad mood, his behavior scares you
If you notice that he’s in a bad mood, you instantly start to walk on eggshells around him. If you don’t, you know that there’s a chance that he’ll get mad at you and you don’t want to see him like that.
His anger literally scares you, and you know that it’s a bad thing. But then again, you attribute that to the fact that no one ever taught him how to deal with his emotions, so you let it go.
What you’re doing is wrong, because anger like that is only one small step away from becoming abuse one day.
And when that happens, he’ll give you the same excuse he’s been giving you this whole time – and the worst is, you might even fall for it.
So, if you notice any of the mentioned behaviors in your man, you should know that you’re not in a relationship with an emotionally damaged man. Instead, you’re dating a douche who knows very well how to play all innocent.