You’ve probably asked yourself why people stay in toxic relationships, and honestly, I wonder the same. What reasons could there possibly be to be willing to stay in an awful relationship?
The whole phenomenon about rose-colored glasses was pretty irrational – until I fell in love. From that moment, all I see about my boyfriend are his good qualities. Sometimes I may notice something that I don’t like, but I convince myself it’s no big deal.
So, I started thinking about what would actually happen if this turned into an awful relationship. Would I stay?
I truly don’t know.
I think I’m secretly judging every girl who chooses to stay in a toxic relationship. I’m sure that something like “Is she crazy? I’d leave immediately!” went through your mind as well. Whether it’s right or wrong, we’ll try to rationalize it now.
Is it really that hard to leave someone for your own good? What are the possible reasons someone is willing to stay in an awful relationship? Join me on my journey to figure out the psychology behind it.
1. People are afraid of being alone
Some people are jumping from one relationship to another because they have an irrational fear of being alone. They think they are not capable of living life on their own, so they always have to have a partner by their side.
They’re afraid that they will fail at obstacles life puts in front of them, or they assume nobody will love them again.
With this in mind, we can partially understand why someone decides to stay in an awful relationship. They consider being in a bad relationship as better than not being in a relationship at all.
2. Misconceptions about love
We were brought up to believe that love stories have to be fairytales, but as we grew up, we discovered different kinds of love. As adults, we come to the point where we understand love differently and we probably create our own misconceptions about it.
We believe we’re right and blindly follow the path we’ve chosen. Some of us grew up in abusive households, so we may start to think that if a person treats us badly, it’s a sign of love.
Another thing that can happen is that we believe we shouldn’t leave our partners if they are showing any kind of affection towards us. No matter if we stopped caring about them.
3. People don’t know their worth
What hurts me the most is when I see a person being treated badly because they don’t know their worth. They think that the only kind of love they deserve is the one they get from their toxic partner and most of the time, they blame themselves for the failed relationship.
Those who are not sure of their worth and constantly question their self-love may get stuck in these relationships.
People with low self-esteem will find it really hard to move forward from an awful relationship. They may think that finding someone else who will love them is mission impossible.
4. The relationship is their comfort zone
Some people literally became satisfied with the way their partner treats them, even though they may be aware that it’s not how a healthy relationship should operate. They see this relationship as their comfort zone and are pretty anxious about leaving it. They’ve found comfort in the whole dysfunctionality of it.
So instead of going on dates again and meeting new people, they choose to stay. I wouldn’t say they are lazy or not in the mood to give other people a chance, rather that they don’t see anything good coming out of it.
I mean, when you get accustomed to the dark, just a little ray of sunshine bothers you, right?
5. They depend on another person
Dependency can be one of the main reasons why people are willing to stay in an awful relationship. They may see it crystal-clear, but they just have to stay.
A lot of couples stay together for their kids’ sake – to have a normal life, instead of getting a divorce. Which then creates a toxic environment, not only for couples but for those kids too.
Another possible reason is that one partner is probably not financially stable or doesn’t work at all, so they chose to stay to maintain an accustomed lifestyle.
6. They’re being manipulated
You’d be surprised how many people are being manipulated by their partners. If your partner is aware that you want to leave the relationship you’re in, and they’re not ready to end it just yet, they’ll do anything to keep you there.
This usually starts with emotional manipulation and frequently leads to physical abuse. From little lies to constant stories about how you are not worthy of anybody’s love, to being treated poorly and abused.
Sometimes, it’s really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how hard we try, because someone blurred our vision. Eventually, we get accustomed to manipulations and pain, so we choose to stay regardless if others are trying to help us.
In the end, I want to emphasize that every relationship can become healthy if the two of you care enough and decide that you want to change something. Create a beautiful environment for you and your lover for both of you to grow.
If someone wants to, they’ll always find a reason to ignore the concern of people who wish them good and even justify the awful way they’ve been treated.
But, never settle for less than what you deserve. Stay true to yourself and fight for your happiness.