We have all met a huge number of people in our lives who were offensive toward us, to say the least.
They made rude comments, joked about you, and generally made you feel bad about yourself.
But what if you are in a relationship with someone like that? What is the best step to take? Is there a point in staying?
Our relationship is a safe place where we seek comfort and support.
We trust the words of our partner as we believe that someone who loves us only wants the best for us.
That’s why we take things more to heart when they are said by our partner. If anyone on the street said those words to you, you wouldn’t mind.
However, if your partner, the potential or actual father of your kids, and possibly the person you’ll be waking up next to every morning for the rest of your life, says it, then it feels serious.
Sometimes, in order to avoid conflict, you decide to ignore the red flags that show you that your boyfriend is not just having a bad day but he is being chronically offensive toward you.
How can you believe that someone who loves you that much can treat you that badly…
How to recognize an offensive boyfriend
We all tend to ignore their bad behavior and make excuses for the one we love.
But at some point, everything gets too much and you just can’t take it anymore.
When you feel offended by your boyfriend, the chances are that your gut feeling is not fooling you.
Look for the following ways of behavior and you will get an answer to whether your boyfriend is being offensive!
1. He makes rude comments on your appearance
This is one of the first things that an offensive boyfriend starts to do.
Whatever you wear, and however you look, he will find something to comment on.
It’s okay if your boyfriend wants you to look your best and if his comments are constructive criticism that can help you evolve.
But if he ALWAYS has something bad to say about the way you look, then it’s offensive.
He has no right to put you down by constantly telling you that he doesn’t like the way you look. This isn’t only offensive behavior but also a toxic one.
2. He insults your choices
If you notice that your boyfriend always makes rude comments on anything you do, then it’s a clear sign that he’s being offensive.
His insulting comments will vary, from the choice of food you order in a restaurant to your choice of career.
Everything you do is always worth less than the way he does those things.
He is even willing to go as far as to offend your opinions and beliefs as they (as he says) are wrong and you should work on changing them.
This is not the way a healthy, supportive relationship should look.
It’s toxic and offensive toward you and your personality.
3. He interrupts you or ignores your questions
If your boyfriend constantly interrupts you, no matter whether you two are alone or with a group of people, he is being offensive.
We all hate to be interrupted when we speak; that’s a fact.
But when the one you love does it, without realizing that you hate what he’s doing, then it’s not a good sign.
Another sign that he’s being offensive is if he ignores your questions and leaves you without answers. He is obviously losing interest.
You would expect that from a stranger, but not from the person you share a bed with.
4. The, “You are lying,” sentence
It’s offensive to tell someone that they’re lying (unless you are 100% sure that it’s true, but still, there is a nicer way to express it).
However, when your boyfriend throws these words at you, without previously trying to understand where you are coming from, he is showing you how offensive he can be.
If he cuts you off in the middle of a sentence, without letting you finish what you were saying, says, “You are lying,” and walks away, he’s making an offensive remark and letting you know that you are not worthy of his time.
Besides being offensive, this behavior is also toxic and, in a way, manipulation.
5. He degrades your emotions and feelings
One of the worst types of offensive behavior is when you insult your partner’s feelings and emotions.
If your boyfriend openly tells you that you are too sensitive, too weak, a crybaby, or similar, it means that he doesn’t take you seriously and that the way you feel doesn’t matter to him.
Your feelings will never be worthy of his time and he will never accept or try to understand them.
6. He’s rude toward others
If you seem to ignore all of the signs above because you have convinced yourself that he does them just to help you become a better person, there is one that you can’t deny – when he’s rude to other people.
If he yells at servers, behaves in an aggressive manner with his parents, or puts down his friends, you boarded a ship that is doomed to sink.
At one point, you will be the one he offends for sure.
How to deal with offensive behavior?
Once you have admitted to yourself that your boyfriend is being offensive toward you, you need to find a way to deal with his behavior.
Are you willing to work on it or are you simply going to walk away? The choice is on you.
1. Notice if it’s repeated
The first thing you should do when you realize that your boyfriend often offends you is to see if his behavior is repeated.
Sometimes, it can be a subconscious reaction to a bad day that he’s having and his words may serve as a way to release the anger.
Of course, you still shouldn’t be the one on whom he frees his rage, but if you make him aware of it, he should react and make a change.
On the other hand, if he constantly does this, no matter whether he’s having a good or a bad day, then it simply means that he is being offensive and he can’t blame it on anything else.
2. Tell him directly that he has a problem
If you are willing to help him change, you should explain to him that he has a problem.
Stay calm and by using polite words, tell him directly that you noticed that he’s being offensive and that you think he should work on that.
You should make him aware that his words can’t serve as a healthy foundation for your relationship.
Also, tell him how it makes you feel when he says certain things to you. Tell him that your feelings are hurt and that you don’t understand his intention.
3. Use the, “Did you mean…?” technique
It’s possible that sometimes you see a certain kind of behavior as offensive but maybe your boyfriend doesn’t mean it that way.
If you want to be 100% sure about his intention then you should use this technique. Simply ask him, “Did you mean that when you said that?”
This way, you will understand where he’s coming from and if he by any chance didn’t mean to offend you, he will have an opportunity to express that.
Both of you will be happy that you understand his initial intention and you will easily solve a potential disagreement or discomfort that his words may have caused.
4. Use a comeback
A good way to make him aware that you won’t deal with his offensive behavior is to respond to him with a smart comeback.
This way, he will know that you are tired of listening to it.
It also suggests that you are not going to be a part of his rude game, no matter how close you two are.
His words are not appropriate and you want him to acknowledge that.
5. Don’t take his offensive behavior personally
The chances are that he offends you because of something that happened to him in the past.
It is his coping mechanism with anger, fear, or simply dissatisfaction with himself.
This means that he’s not offending you because you are not good enough or because he truly believes the words he’s saying.
He just doesn’t know how to deal with his own issues.
That’s why you shouldn’t give his words the power to hurt you as they are probably not sincere but rather a way of coping with his personal troubles.
Eventually, if you try to talk to him and he doesn’t seem to want to change, then maybe the best decision is to walk away.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t help people change until they decide to take that step.
You can give your best to make them aware of their issue but it may not be enough for them to start working on it.
If you notice that your offensive boyfriend is not willing to make a change in his behavior, then it’s probably best for you to get away from him.
His toxicity can ruin you, and you don’t deserve that.
Your value is much greater than stumbling through life with a guy who uses every chance to offend you.
Get away from him and happiness will find you!