We’ve all heard of it. And we’ve prayed to God to save us from this emotional abuse that makes you feel like you’re losing your mind.
Gaslighting could best be described as brainwashing. It’s the way that a narcissistic or abusive partner behaves toward you that makes you question your reality.
Sometimes, it so subtle that you’re not even aware you’re being gaslighted. All of a sudden, it hits you and you realize that something’s wrong.
When you let your guard down, your partner sees the great opportunity to take control over you. At this point, he becomes the man in power while you’re his victim – a puppet that he controls with his hands.
But how can you know that you’re actually being gaslighted? How can you know that your partner is controlling you and playing with your state of mind?
Here are the patterns of behavior that will keep playing in front of your eyes if you’re in a relationship with a person who’s gaslighting you. Maybe it’ll be hard to admit that it’s happening to you, but it’s the first step that can help you walk away.
1. He lies to your face
You’re listening to the words that are coming out of your partner’s mouth and you know that he’s not telling you the truth.
It’s obvious that his words make no sense.
What is going on? What does all of this mean?
You’re confused, but you’ve got to know that you’re being faced with the beginnings of gaslighting.
Your partner is testing the waters and getting you prepared for the next step.
He’ll keep showering you with lies so that at one point when he actually tells you a huge lie, you’ll have no idea how to tell the truth from the lies.
You’ll keep asking yourself if he’s lying to you once again or if he just admitted to something he did.
His first goal is to make you confused and it seems that it’s working.
2. He denies his words and calls you a liar all the time
When you confront him and ask him why he said something, he plays dumb with you.
Instead of admitting to his words, he tells you that he never said anything of the sort.
Even when you have proof, he finds an excuse and sticks to it as if his life depends on it.
Besides acting like he has no idea what you’re talking about, he’ll also be sure to make you out as the liar all the time.
He won’t care how you’re feeling through it all. His only goal is to put you down and play with your mind.
It starts with simple things. If you tell him that you’re cold, he’ll tell you that you’re crazy and that the temperature is perfectly fine.
Then, it gets more serious.
When you tell him that his friend has been acting disrespectfully toward you, he’ll tell you that you’re lying and that he can’t trust your judgment.
If this all sounds familiar to you, then you’re probably being gaslighted.
3. He walks over you
Gaslighting happens slowly, over time. Its pace is so slow that you have trouble recognizing what’s actually going on.
But, as time goes by, you realize that you’re being walked over.
All those lies start having an effect on you. They make you question your own decisions.
Then, added to that comes the feeling of always being wrong, which takes this mind game to the next level.
All in all, you feel like you no longer have any idea what’s right and what’s wrong.
Your partner – the person who’s supposed to be your best friend – doesn’t understand you and you feel like you’re being delusional.
If only you were aware of the game that keeps playing so skillfully…
4. He tells you that your feelings don’t matter
Expressing your feelings is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship.
It helps you solve the arguments and misunderstandings that are present in every relationship.
But if you’re a victim of gaslighting, your feelings will never be taken seriously. Instead, they’ll be rejected and deemed as unimportant.
At first, you’ll keep telling your partner how he made you feel with his actions.
But at one point, after having being ignored so many times, you’ll feel like you can take this anymore.
Instead of expressing your concerns, you’ll keep quiet because you don’t have the energy to fight.
As a victim of gaslighting, you’ll start accepting the behavior of your controlling partner and no longer feel the wish to express your feelings.
Deep down, you’ll know you’re right, but you simply don’t have any energy left to fight.
The experience of gaslighting gets draining to the point where you no longer feel like there’s anything left in you.
You feel like you’re stuck in a void.
No matter how hard you try to show your worth, your partner fails to see it and continues with his sick little game.
5. When you want to leave, you’re met with an outburst and heaps of promises
At one point, you’ll have had enough of your partner’s behavior and look for a way out.
You’ll gather all of the courage that’s left inside of you and confront him with “I’m leaving.”
At this point, the initial reaction your partner will serve you will be filled with anger, in some cases even violence.
It happens because these types of people hate being left.
They always feel the need to be in control and to hold all the power.
So, when you tell them that you’re leaving, their rage flares up and they explode like a ticking bomb.
Then, the next moment, your partner meets you with all these promises that he’s going to change.
He showers you with romance and tells you that he loves you and can’t bear to lose you.
This is love bombing combined with gaslighting.
The truth is, nothing is going to change, no matter how many times he makes these promises.
A gaslighter has this behavior rooted deep inside of him, so no matter what he tells you, he’ll always revert back to it.
If you’ve found yourself in this situation, I suggest looking up help and finding the way to get out of this toxic relationship.
The truth is that no matter how much you love him, you won’t ever be able to make him change for you.