We’ve all been there.
Influenced by the world of Hollywood movies and one-sided stories that are all over the internet, we’ve created pictures in our heads of how our relationships should look.
You create this scenario where he’s supposed to fight for your love. He chases after you and proves his love to you, while you wait patiently until you can say for sure that he ticks all of the boxes.
And then, when you meet the one, you hit him with series of tests he has to pass in order to win your love.
The idea is that if he doesn’t succeed at doing some of the things you expect him to, it only means that he doesn’t love you enough to fight for you.
But as the ball unravels, you actually start losing the person who might be the one. The unrealistic expectations you set for the one deteriorate your relationship piece by piece.
And once you realize that you’ve been the one to ruin everything, it’s already too late. Your man is long gone, and no matter what you do, you won’t be able to get him back.
If you don’t want to find yourself in the same place, here are the unrealistic expectations about relationships that you should try to stop thinking about.
The sooner you do that, the happier you’ll be.
1. You expect him to always plan date nights
Give me one movie where a woman is the one to plan date nights while a guy waits for her to call him? It rarely happens, if ever.
As a result, you have this idea in your mind that a guy should take lead all the time. If he doesn’t plan every single date night, it means that he doesn’t love you. It’s obvious, right?
But if you’re being totally honest, would you say that this makes any sense?
Maybe he was the one to plan all of the dates while you were dating. He kept on surprising you time after time and you appreciated that.
But do you really think that the burden should stay on his shoulders? Or is it more reasonable for the two of you to split the responsibilities?
It doesn’t instantly mean that he doesn’t love you just because he didn’t take you on a date this week. Maybe he’s been too busy and maybe it’s finally time for you to take him out for a change.
Both of you are equally responsible for the relationship, so don’t assume that he should be the one doing all the work.
2. You expect him to spend all of his free time with you
Once you’re in a relationship, you might expect your partner to spend all of his free time with you. If he loves you, he wouldn’t mind spending every minute of his day with you, right?
But let me change the perspective for a second.
Let’s say that the two of you spent the previous day hanging out together. Today, your friends invited you out for drinks with them.
What do you do? Do you go out with them because it’s perfectly fine for you to have a life besides the relationship? Or do you reject them because your partner might get jealous for spending time with other people?
It’s obvious that you would say yes to the girls and have a fun time with them.
Then think about it for a second: Why do you demand from him to do the opposite?
3. You expect him to always apologize first
No, you aren’t always right. And, yes, there are times when it’s actually your turn to apologize first since you’re the one who made the mistake.
Just because your partner loves you, it doesn’t mean that he has to apologize to you even though he didn’t do anything wrong.
Also, he can’t be the one to always fix the mistakes that the two of you have made. He isn’t obliged to make the first move all the time.
Your relationship depends on both of you, which means that you’re equally responsible for it.
So, stop thinking that he needs to make the first move all the time or that he needs to be the first one to apologize. With that mindset, you won’t get far.
4. You expect him to make your life perfect
Let’s be honest. Most of us think that once we’re in a relationship, our life will magically improve for the better. That once you meet a guy who loves you, he’ll fix all of the parts of your life that need fixing and make everything perfect.
This is one of the greatest unreasonable expectations in relationships.
Your partner is there because he loves you and he wants to share his life with you. But it still remains your job to work on yourself and all those aspects of your life that need to be changed or improved.
Don’t expect him to carry your emotional baggage as well. If you do that, chances are that you’ll ruin both the relationship and the love you guys share.
5. You expect him to change for you
“If he loves me, he will change for me!” How many times have you heard this?
First of all, it’s completely wrong to expect that someone will change for you, as that has nothing to do with the love they feel for you.
Secondly, how do you think he can change some of the core characteristics of his personality when he’s been like this forever?
It’s obvious that this way of thinking is wrong and destructive.
Would you change parts of yourself that make you who you are if your partner asked you to? Even if you could, I bet you wouldn’t want to.
Love is about acceptance and appreciation of everything one person has to offer. When you fall in love with someone, you don’t count on the possibility that they will change who they are.
Instead, you focus on your current relationship and strive to make it better for both of you. Don’t think about changing each other – there’s no point.
Love and cherish every moment you share together, and if you realize that you’re not a good match, then walk away for the sake of your happiness.
Even if he does change for you, sooner or later, he’ll start resenting you for it. And that’s a recipe for an unhealthy relationship doomed to failure.