It’s awfully hard to date a guy who has no emotional intelligence. You may be wondering why we need it but it’s actually there to help us understand and navigate our own emotions in order to relieve stress and anxiety.
It’s also there to help us read social cues and understand the emotions of others in order to create a deeper connection with that person. So you can imagine how badly it can affect a romantic relationship when your partner has none.
You’re left wondering what you’re doing in that relationship and whether he’ll ever change. Because of this, you’ll always question yourself and your own motives without being able to understand what you’re doing wrong.
For that exact reason, you’ll start to blame yourself. The best thing you can do for yourself here is to avoid any type of communication with someone who’s not emotionally capable of being in a loving relationship.
Most of the time, it’s not their fault for the situation they’ve found themselves in and it’s often because of unprocessed trauma. But either way, before you let yourself fall for him completely, you need to know whether he has any emotional intelligence in him.
1. He blames you for his problems
One thing that can be related to a guy having no emotional intelligence is when he simply isn’t able to take responsibility for his actions. He always finds some way to excuse his behavior, tell you that he’s completely innocent, and that he doesn’t have anything to do with what you’re accusing him of.
Someone who has a high EQ (a high level of emotional quotient, which is also known as emotional intelligence) will always know when they’re the one at fault. This means that this person will go out of their way to apologize and improve their behavior.
They do this first of all because they love the person they’re with and secondly because they genuinely feel guilt and are able to understand how this behavior can negatively impact you.
For that same reason, if the guy you’re seeing always blames you or someone else for his issues, then there’s no way he’ll understand the responsibility he holds in any situation.
2. Anger is his go-to emotion
By now, we’re more than aware of the fact that men are raised to believe that emotions and vulnerability are signs of weakness. Aggression and anger can often be expressed by men without them being ridiculed for it.
This leaves these poor guys completely incapable of expressing or even sometimes feeling other emotions. They don’t feel safe enough to show anyone what they’re feeling at any particular moment.
Does the guy you’re seeing always resort to violent behavior when something isn’t right? Does he always get angry and red with fury at any time when he feels like he’s not in control?
Well, that’s definitely someone with no emotional intelligence. All of his emotions have this sort of chain reaction that inevitably leads to anger.
It’s so frustrating to always have to tiptoe around him because you never know what can trigger him. Yes, it’s a trauma response but he shouldn’t take it out on you.
3. He’s oblivious when it comes to your emotions
Sometimes, we’re simply not in the mood to communicate our feelings, nor do we have the strength to do so. There are so many days in which you feel completely drained and you just don’t feel like talking.
Of course, you don’t want to be a burden to him and you don’t expect him to read your mind. You just want him to be there for you when you feel like this.
You want him to remind you that you’re not alone in this and sometimes it can be communicated through silence. But he doesn’t get it.
He tells you that you should tell him whenever you don’t feel good, even if you could literally cry for an entire day and he’d still think that everything was okay. How many more times can you just sit there while he’s on his phone, unable to read the room and see that you’re hurting?
Even when you go to events together and you tell him that you’re uncomfortable, he just brushes it off and pretends as if nothing happened. That man has no emotional intelligence whatsoever.
You know for a fact that you can spot someone who’s uncomfortable from a mile away. He obviously isn’t as gifted.
4. He gaslights you
Gaslighting is one of the most dangerous things out there. When someone gaslights you, they make you feel like you’re going completely insane.
He does that to you too, right? He tells you that you’re not sad and tries to explain away your feelings.
This man makes you feel like you have no right to your own emotions, even though you have the full right to express them in ways that are the most comfortable to you as long as your behavior doesn’t impact anyone else.
If you continue to repress your feelings because he makes you believe that you’re not actually experiencing them, you’ll end up completely closed off. Do you truly want that or would you rather be able to understand and talk about your feelings in an open way?
He does this to you because he doesn’t understand his own feelings and he doesn’t know what to do with them. He becomes uncomfortable when you’re emotional because he doesn’t know how to behave.
That’s a man who has no emotional intelligence. If he did, he’d let you express your emotions as well as be ready to talk about them.
He’d understand that you can’t control your feelings. But your guy doesn’t.
5. He’s unable to admit when he’s wrong
When someone has a very low EQ, they tend to be extremely stubborn. Combine that with their constant need for anger and there you have it – the perfect recipe for a selfish egomaniac.
He can’t admit that he’s wrong because that would mean him needing to be vulnerable and admit defeat. He doesn’t understand that it’s needed in order to grow.
This man just thinks that he’s never wrong. If he was, then he’d have a huge problem with the rest of the world.
Being in the wrong isn’t a bad thing at all. We learn each day and we better ourselves through our mistakes.
The people who are able to admit when they’re wrong are the people who are confident enough in their ability to educate themselves and grow from it. So yes, if he’s not ready to admit when you’re right and he’s wrong, then there’s no emotional intelligence left in that man.