Finding the closure you need after finally breaking up with a narcissist is extremely important. But let’s face facts, you will never get it from him.
There are usually two main reasons your relationship with a narcissist might come to an end. He either found himself a new victim when he realized you were seeing through his facade, or you were the one to finally break things off.
Many victims are able to escape their narcissistic partner if they know how to spot the signs of narcissistic abuse. Otherwise, they end up completely immersed in this universe that their abuser has created.
If you’re left to wonder what’s going on after a narcissist left you, you will have to find that closure by yourself. He will definitely not give you what you need right now, for many possible reasons, and they’re all tied to his narcissistic tendencies.
That’s why it’s so important for you to realize that you can’t do anything right now to change this. You have to really understand this in order to move on with your life.
1. He doesn’t care how you feel
Ouch. I know, this one hurts like hell. When someone tells you that the man you’re obsessed with doesn’t care about you at all, it’s no easy pill to swallow.
But it’s a complete truth because a narcissist isn’t able to care about anyone but himself. Your emotions don’t concern him in the slightest.
If you know for sure that your partner (or in this case, ex-partner) is a narcissist, then you have to make peace with the fact that he genuinely doesn’t care about you – never has and never will.
He can’t feel empathy for you. He’s only capable of seeing to his own satisfaction, which he continuously feeds by breaking you more and more each time he comes around.
2. Giving you closure would help you move on (and he doesn’t want that)
When you get the closure that you need, you actually make things so much easier for yourself. You’re able to see things from a whole new perspective and you’re able to move on.
But with a man who doesn’t want to afford you this luxury, it’s a little harder. He doesn’t want you to move on, so he’ll do anything to keep you interested in him.
He thrives on the fact that you’re hurting and that you’re still hooked on him. If you moved on, he wouldn’t have someone to go back to whenever he needed attention. And that’s an awful thought for a narcissist.
That’s why he wants the door into your life to stay open. He wants to be able to manipulate his way back into your life anytime he gets bored again.
3. He’s punishing you
By refusing to give you closure, a narcissist is, once again, proving his dominance. It doesn’t matter which one of you decided to walk away, it’s clear that he can’t give this to you because it would give you a spark of joy.
He doesn’t want that. He wants you to suffer through this.
This man will try anything to prolong your pain. He’ll even tell you that you don’t deserve the answers your looking for. He’ll tell you that you’re just wasting his time and so on.
With words like these, he’s making sure that he stays in your head for as long as possible. He sees this as a great way to punish you for ever thinking of leaving him or for not being good enough for him.
4. He controls your pain
If you’re the one who decides to leave, then he’ll pull out all the stops just to make you stay. But the moment he sees that you’re being persistent, he’ll show rage and anger because he lost control over you.
A narcissist gets his own closure by excluding dominance and control. During the relationship, he tried to gain control over you in many different ways.
And even though the relationship is now over, he still wants to maintain that same control. He will come in and out of your life as he pleases just to mess with your head and break you even more.
Can you really expect to get closure from a man like him? From someone who thrives on your pain?
5. You’re only a prize he can win
All the love you thought you saw from this man was nothing more than a game he played. A narcissist isn’t capable of loving anyone but himself.
Because of that, he never loved you, even if he made it seem like it. He’s just that good at deception.
If you decide to leave him, it’ll make him furious, but it’ll also excite him to try and pursue you again. He’ll play the victim and put on a stellar act that he’s the one who’s been hurt.
He won’t give you the closure you need simply because it’s all a game of cat and mouse for him. You’re a prize that he can win.
If he’s the one who decides to leave, he’ll break you into pieces, just to leave a wound on your heart that he can open whenever he wants to.
This man wants to know that he can come back to you. He can’t risk seeing you move on with someone else because that would mean game over for him.
You’re his prize, even when he discards you like it’s the easiest thing to do in this world.